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Boogeyman's Report

by Questio


So, tell me about tonight...

Right. Well, I started out in a closet. I could tell it was a closet 'cause I was standing when I woke up, and it's kinda hard to do that if you start out under the kid's bed. Anyway, so I felt around for stuff to tell me about the kid. There was lots of ties and sports stuff in there, so I figured it was a boy. See, girls hardly ever have sports stuff and ties in their closets. Its all pink dresses and Teen magazines. But I have once-

Anyway... the child... how did you go about punishing him? Surely you did? That is your job, after all. A child disobeys their parents, you go punish them. That is your sole purpose in life...

Yeah, well... I found the door to the closet- one of those that folds up on itself to open- and I made my way to the room. It was all blue, and there was no night light and only one window, so I worried that I would blend in. So I changed my appearance from my usual blue scaly biker look to a nice glowing orange and yellow flame-monster thing... It was pretty sick. It was all-

*Ah-em*

Right, right... So after I changed to Totally-Awesome-Flame-Thing, I ducked down by the bed so the kid could only see my flickering light. Looked pretty wicked. Then I kinda scratched the bedpost so that the kid would wake up.

The child was a boy then, as you predicted?

Yup. Short blackish-brown hair, blue eyes, white skin. I'll never know why some humans are colored different than others... Anyway, so I scratched the bed to wake him up. He did, and sat up to look around. I began to smell his fear when he saw the light. You know how fear smells. All sweet and tangy...

Yes, I am familiar with it.

Well, it was just enough to smell it, but not enough to make you hungry... ahhh, yeah.... So he sits up and after a second says, 'Mom?' Voice all high and squeaky... Was all I could do not to drool and smack my lips. So then I made my voice all gravelly and cackley. Kinda like pebbles on fire, if that makes sense, and I was like, 'Don't expect her help.'

Oh, you shoulda seen it. Reaction. Was. Priceless. Kid screamed like hell. Ooh, sorry...

No need. I am familiar with this latest craze of using my- our- home to describe something.

Alright... Well, anyway, the kid screamed and screamed, 'till I stood up. Did it slowly to, so I could scare him more. Was hilarious. His fear level went sky-high, 'till I could barely hold myself back. So then I w-

This sounds like a normal night. Why are you reporting to me now? Why do you not wait until your yearly assessment to tell me about your work? Surely you have a point?

Yes, sir. Apologies, sir. I tend to get excited about work.

[*Sighing*] It's fine, Boogeyman. I know you have a point. I just need you to make it soon. The truth is, Hell is on the losing side of this conflict. So please, make your point and return to destroying children. Their souls are valuable.

Yes, sir. I was about to eat the boy, when he says the magic words. He is curled up in the corner, his fear radiating off of him, when he whispers, 'Mom says you aren't real.'

Now this is interesting.

I told you, sir. That instantly got me. I was literally thrown to the other wall. There was this huge, blinding white light. I could hear the kid saying, 'You're the Boogeyman, aren't you?' I tried to nod, but I couldn't feel my head. Or any part of my body... I think I was in my original form, but I may have been just formless at that point. So I panicked and shot to the nearest Gateway. I think it was the one in Death Valley, but I was to scrambled to tell. I was on autopilot. Soooo... Yeah. That's where we are now. The kid resisted me and I was ran off back to Hell. I instantly told that jerk you have on Level Nine I needed to see you. And... well, you know the rest. ...Sir.

This is your nineteenth failure in forty-eight centuries.

Which is why you're gonna spare me again, right? Satan, ol' pal. Right?...

I'm afraid I can't do that. I created you out of nightmares so that you could devour naughty children. But not only are children becoming less and less troublesome, but fewer and fewer are losing their belief in you.

Please, sire. I'll do anythi-

Silence! I hate to do this. You've given me so many souls. Your name is feared. But You fail more and more often. I know you could've fought the child's Guardian Angel. You've done it before. But you didn't. Now you will cease to exist.

I beg of you.. Please don't- Aaiiiiieeeeeeeehhh!

I'm truely sorry I had to do that, old friend. But Hell cannot have weakness.


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12 Reviews


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Wed Aug 21, 2013 12:35 am
kingofwernogs wrote a review...



Very good! I was very amused. However, my purpose here is to tell you what needs improving, so I'll focus on that. I actually didn't notice that many errors and confusing bits, but there were a few. first off, the part about a blue scaled biker didn't quite make sense, and I would have liked more details about that. Also, when the Boogeyman says "I began to smell his fear", I think that "I started to smell his fear" would be more fitting for the character. I would also like to add that while it is mentioned that the Boogeyman has been in business for 4,800 years, modern humans (Homo sapiens sapiens) have been around for 200,000 years, so you may want to revise that number. Also, you say "fewer and fewer are losing their belief in you", but you probably mean, "fewer and fewer believe in you" or more and more are losing their belief in you.

-Kingofwernogs, Fact Checker




Questio says...


The 4,800 years is to correspond with the Bible, his boss being the Devil and all...





I actually don't think that the Bible mentions a time frame for humanity. There is the part with the descendants of Adam, and you could estimate, but I don't think



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Sun Jul 28, 2013 11:49 am
Blackwood wrote a review...



I think the ending is fine. The whole thing is funny and I like it. I'm on an iPOd now so it's hard to copy and paste quotes and I'm lazy so I am just going to try describe parts and hope you recognize them.
The first part that needs improving was in the devils speech where he says something about a latest craze. It was a bit messy and I had no idea what you were talking about.

Secondly was when the boogyman mentioned ninth-something. Again confusing and uneccersary.

I think you need to develop the devils character more. The boogyman is well developed but near the end I feel the devil goes out of character. At the beggining he seems to be one who doesn't say much but at the end he starts to gO rambling about gardian angels and whatnot I think you should stick a personality on him, one where he doesn't care much and maybe thinks himself higher and mighty in that he may act nice but do nasty things.
I like the endig and I think it's fine. Nice job. Since it's a short story you should refrain from too many specifities that leave the reader wondering 'what is that?'

also sorry for major typos. Typing at 100 m/h and no spell check.




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Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:07 pm
abelgaiya wrote a review...



Well this was quite interesting, and fun to read. Making a popular children's fictional character sound so formal and fun simultaneously was very good.
At first I thought that you made the devil's decision to wipe off the boogeyman from existence was a bit too 'quick'. For a creature who's done a lot for centuries, the devil deleted him within a few minutes of a conversation. But then again, he's the devil.

Nice work though.




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Fri Jul 05, 2013 2:59 am
skorlir wrote a review...



Well goodness. This is unique.

There are many great qualities - the dialogue is fascinating, and relatively well written, and the setting is quite fun. Were it not beset by grammatical mistakes and a couple stylistic flaws, it would be absolutely sublime. It's already a good read. Anyway.

Take with salt; mind the edges.

There was lots of ties and sports stuff in there,


Subject-verb disagreement. "was lots" is incorrect. The subject and verb disagree again on the second half, so "stuff" should be "things." Revise to "There were lots of ties and sports things."

It was all blue, and there was no night light and only one window, so I worried that I would blend in. So I changed my appearance from my usual blue scaly biker look to a nice glowing orange and yellow flame-monster thing... It was pretty sick. It was all-


Your description is somewhat weak here. You are excessively wordy. For instance, "So I changed my appearance from my usual blue scaly biker look..." is a run on. That first part could be revised "So, instead of my scaly blue biker look, ..." and so forth.

the kid could only see my flickering light.


This is awkwardly worded. Try "the kid could only see me flickering" or some such. Make it active voice for sure.

Looked pretty wicked.


He can't see himself, can he? Remove "Looked" and the point still gets across, without the confusion.

Kid screamed like hell. Ooh, sorry...

No need. I am familiar with this latest craze of using my- our- home to describe something.


Slightly awkward wording again. This time it's the Devil's fault.

Did it slowly to,


"too." It should be "too." You do this again a little later.

His fear level went sky-high, 'till I could barely hold myself back.


Revise "'till" to "and." Or just remove it entirely. Either way, "'til" does not really fit.

his fear radiating off of him


"his" is unnecessary. Remove.

I think I was in my original form, but I may have been just formless at that point.


This bit is somewhat confusing. Refine it, trying to avoid the very nondescript "form" stuff. I have no way to imagine the Boogeyman's "original form" - do you mean the blue scaly biker dude, or something more "original" than that?

Which is why you're gonna spare me again, right? Satan, ol' pal. Right?...


"Which is why" does not follow. "But" would work. So would a brief bit of begging - for instance, "But I'm good. I've always been good. Which is why..." so on.

I'm truely sorry I had to do that, old friend. But Hell cannot have weakness.


"Truely" has no 'e' in it. Truly. :P
This sentence could be more curt, and thereby more powerful. "I am truly sorry, dear friend. Hell cannot forgive weakness." Something like that.

Otherwise, excellent, and very original piece.

Be forever hortatory,
~Skorlir




Questio says...


Most of that was to go with the Boogeyman's uncaring, slightly awkward style of speaking. Thanks though!



skorlir says...


Yes, and I attempted to preserve that in my suggestions, while still refining some uncertain or poor language. I may not have entirely succeeded. Altogether, like I said, an enjoyable piece.

~Skorlir




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