So, tell me about tonight...
Right. Well, I started out in a closet. I could tell it was a closet 'cause I was standing when I woke up, and it's kinda hard to do that if you start out under the kid's bed. Anyway, so I felt around for stuff to tell me about the kid. There was lots of ties and sports stuff in there, so I figured it was a boy. See, girls hardly ever have sports stuff and ties in their closets. Its all pink dresses and Teen magazines. But I have once-
Anyway... the child... how did you go about punishing him? Surely you did? That is your job, after all. A child disobeys their parents, you go punish them. That is your sole purpose in life...
Yeah, well... I found the door to the closet- one of those that folds up on itself to open- and I made my way to the room. It was all blue, and there was no night light and only one window, so I worried that I would blend in. So I changed my appearance from my usual blue scaly biker look to a nice glowing orange and yellow flame-monster thing... It was pretty sick. It was all-
Right, right... So after I changed to Totally-Awesome-Flame-Thing, I ducked down by the bed so the kid could only see my flickering light. Looked pretty wicked. Then I kinda scratched the bedpost so that the kid would wake up.
The child was a boy then, as you predicted?
Yup. Short blackish-brown hair, blue eyes, white skin. I'll never know why some humans are colored different than others... Anyway, so I scratched the bed to wake him up. He did, and sat up to look around. I began to smell his fear when he saw the light. You know how fear smells. All sweet and tangy...
Yes, I am familiar with it.
Well, it was just enough to smell it, but not enough to make you hungry... ahhh, yeah.... So he sits up and after a second says, 'Mom?' Voice all high and squeaky... Was all I could do not to drool and smack my lips. So then I made my voice all gravelly and cackley. Kinda like pebbles on fire, if that makes sense, and I was like, 'Don't expect her help.'
Oh, you shoulda seen it. Reaction. Was. Priceless. Kid screamed like hell. Ooh, sorry...
No need. I am familiar with this latest craze of using my- our- home to describe something.
Alright... Well, anyway, the kid screamed and screamed, 'till I stood up. Did it slowly to, so I could scare him more. Was hilarious. His fear level went sky-high, 'till I could barely hold myself back. So then I w-
This sounds like a normal night. Why are you reporting to me now? Why do you not wait until your yearly assessment to tell me about your work? Surely you have a point?
Yes, sir. Apologies, sir. I tend to get excited about work.
[*Sighing*] It's fine, Boogeyman. I know you have a point. I just need you to make it soon. The truth is, Hell is on the losing side of this conflict. So please, make your point and return to destroying children. Their souls are valuable.
Yes, sir. I was about to eat the boy, when he says the magic words. He is curled up in the corner, his fear radiating off of him, when he whispers, 'Mom says you aren't real.'
Now this is interesting.
I told you, sir. That instantly got me. I was literally thrown to the other wall. There was this huge, blinding white light. I could hear the kid saying, 'You're the Boogeyman, aren't you?' I tried to nod, but I couldn't feel my head. Or any part of my body... I think I was in my original form, but I may have been just formless at that point. So I panicked and shot to the nearest Gateway. I think it was the one in Death Valley, but I was to scrambled to tell. I was on autopilot. Soooo... Yeah. That's where we are now. The kid resisted me and I was ran off back to Hell. I instantly told that jerk you have on Level Nine I needed to see you. And... well, you know the rest. ...Sir.
This is your nineteenth failure in forty-eight centuries.
Which is why you're gonna spare me again, right? Satan, ol' pal. Right?...
I'm afraid I can't do that. I created you out of nightmares so that you could devour naughty children. But not only are children becoming less and less troublesome, but fewer and fewer are losing their belief in you.
Please, sire. I'll do anythi-
Silence! I hate to do this. You've given me so many souls. Your name is feared. But You fail more and more often. I know you could've fought the child's Guardian Angel. You've done it before. But you didn't. Now you will cease to exist.
I beg of you.. Please don't- Aaiiiiieeeeeeeehhh!
I'm truely sorry I had to do that, old friend. But Hell cannot have weakness.