Young Writers Society

Okay, so this is not what I expected. The title lead me to believe something... else. (Blushing.) Actually, that works really cleverly. Although, as it develops it makes more sense, as what I initially thought. I really like the use of extra letters: 'sh shyy.' I've never really seen this used before so brownie points for uniqueness.

The Rain Knocks On My Window

Nice.

I personally hate One Direction so this is a real thrill for me. (Now, when I say hate, I am referring to their music. I don't think that any sane straight girl could hate the way that those guys look. But then again, who says that I'm sane?)

What you need to improve has already been mentioned once or twice, but I'll say it again since this is a review.

Underwears should be underwear, and you need to place dashes between the areas where you repeat sounds. Otherwise, it looks like you've made a typo or an error.

Even though I've never heard the song, and therefore don't know the rhythm, I thought that this flowed very well, and I enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoy anything that mocks One Direction's music.

Good job!

I don't know the song very well but I think i heard it before. This was really funny to go with any song and I particularly like people who mock popular culture so go you.

I liked this line : everyone else can see your underwears
But you need to say underwear not underwears.

Also you should turn lines like "is not en en enough" into "is not en- en- enough" simply for aid of the reader.
Anyways Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnügen with lots of guidebook werewolf cobwebbed weakness, together we defensibly forever and skiff woof and overgeneralize fahrvergnügen schadenfreude. So please do sandbagged Schadenfreude and Fahrenheit songbird kind fjord logbook forever.
I love you.
Stay sexy.

Hey Rbt000

So, I was interested as soon as I saw the word "parody" As far as this one goes, it's good and humorous. Made me laugh

There were some problems with flow and rhythm, which bothered me a bit. To fix it I guess some words should be changed? As well as this, the sentences in general seem a bit broken up and disjointed. For me, the key to make this parody even more funny and entertaining is to take this base and change some of the words. Let me try for the first two verses XD

Your pajama's loose,
Don't know what for.

They're falling down
when you walk through the door

Need elastic
to make it tight (I really liked this verse)

Wearing loose pajama's
Is just a sha-a-ame

Something like that ^^ I'm sure you can neaten up the rhythm on the rest yourself. Keep making people laugh though

Deanie x

Hiya rbt00!

Okay, so when I say this was a song parody, I just had to review it! I think this is a really good start, you have some funny lyrics. However, there are a few things I have some issues with...

Firstly, it didn't really flow well. Trust me, I know this song really well and I know it wouldn't exactly fit in with the music. I've done a few song parodies in the past, and I think what really helps is to read your lyrics along with the song playing in the background and see if it actually fits in or not. Otherwise, it just seems a bit unprofessional, and almost like a half done job. So yeah, listen to the song over and over again (no matter how annoying it is). If you find you need a syllable or two more, just try and and in some small words like 'and' 'to' etc. If you need some less, take out anything unimportant, or rephrase it a bit better.

Secondly, I may get some people disagreeing with me about this, but I think it should rhyme! I mean, the really song rhymes, and I think with something like this you want it to be catchy and for people to be singing along- rhyming is one way to do this. I totally get if you don't want to, but if you do then go to any sort of rhyming dictionary website (they're really easy to find) and start rhyming- you might even find some really hilarious lyrics to add in while doing this.

Lastly, I was expecting a bit more to be honest. It's rather short, and quite repetitive really- of course it needs to be repetitive in the chorus but it shouldn't be in the other parts. This is a great start, but I'd like to see some more funnier lyrics to come.

Overall, this has loads of potential and is pretty funny. Next steps would be think more about how it could flow, and perhaps not be as repetitive. I hope this review helped, PM me with questions or if you'd like another review.

Keep writing!
-Arc x