Young Writers Society

I sit on the beach, waiting for him to arrive. Listening to the sounds of the ocean’s waves, confidence builds within me. I know what I have to find out, and he is the only person who has the answers.

I feel his presence as soon as he walks up. I have always had this inept ability to tell when he is near, and sometimes I wonder if he feels the same way. I glance his way as he joins me on the sand. I take his brown hair that flies whichever way it pleases. I gaze, so not to get trapped in them, at his florescent blue eyes. I rake my eyes down his toned torso in his signature tight black tee, and fall down to his plain blue jeans. He looks like any girl's dream, but I know the real him can sometimes be a nightmare.

“Why am I here?” he asks, breaking the silence that had settled over us.

I bite my lip, unsure of how to proceed. All of the confidence that had once pulsed through my body was now gone. Taking a deep and calming breath I start at my quest to find answers.

“You were the last person to see Amanda alive. You and I both know that you know who killed her. The police don’t know, and I won’t tell them if you don’t want me to, but Justin, I need to know. Who killed Amanda?” I look at him with a nervous glance then look away just as fast to avoid his eyes. I can’t be trapped in their depths. When I chance another glance at him I notice his hands twirling amongst each other; the wringing creating an intimate tango.

“Katelyn, I wish I could tell you, but it will just put you at risk of ending up the same way as her. I can’t loose you too.” He says. I hear his voice pleading with me, and it pulls on my heart strings, but the pull isn’t strong enough.

“Justin, I don’t care. I can handle it, and maybe I want to die. I miss Amanda everyday and maybe knowing will kill me, but that will bring me closer to her.” I clasp my fingers together, already anticipating his answer to my statement.

“Katelyn, don’t say that. I know it has been hard not having my sister, your best friend, around. It hurts me everyday I can’t hold my little sisters hand, I can’t protect her, shield her from all the hurt. I can’t be her big brother anymore.”

“Look, maybe knowing who did it could hurt me, but maybe it won’t hurt as much as not knowing does. Please, I am begging you here. Tell me who did this to her.”

“Katelyn, the people who do things like this, kill people, they aren’t people to mess with. Please stay out of it.” He starts to get up but I grab onto his arm using all of my weight to try to pull him back down.

“Please, don’t leave. Tell me who it is. I can see the weight that this has put on your shoulders. Tell me, please.” I beg. I try to hold his eyes like they’ve held mine and I succeed as he falls back into the sand next to me. We both break our gaze to look at the ocean again.

I start to play with the hem on my white t-shirt and then move to the frayed ends of my shorts. All the while Justin just sits there, fighting an obvious inner battle. I give him time to find the words. When he finally speaks I can hear the sorrow that drips from his once strong and sure voice.

“Katelyn, I know you want to know so badly, and I am scared to tell you because you could very well get hurt too, but if you must know who did it I will tell you.” He takes a deep inhale of breath before continuing. “I know who killed Amanda because I was there to see it happen. I watched as he raped her, beat her, and then shot her. That man, I don’t know his name, but I could point him out were he a mile away. I watched his hands, big white masses, climb over her body. I watched him tear at her and then hit her on every piece of skin available. I watched him hold the gun to her head. I heard his taunts, like that of a school, but those vile things that he was saying were no where near innocent. I watched it and I heard it and I couldn’t turn away.” He shakes his head as tears stream down his face, his body rocking as each sob tries to break free.

“Why didn’t you stop him?” I ask tentatively.

“He knew I was there. He had his goon’s tie me up and hold me down. After they were done they turned to me and beat me unconsious. You remember how I looked for those first few days after her death. You saw the scars they were capable of leaving.I don't knowwhy they spared me then, Iask myself that everyday.It kills me becauseI fought so hard to break free to save her. I hated those screams. I still hear them every damn day. I didn’t fight hard enough, and I wish I had.”

“Why didn’t you go to the police? Why haven’t you gone still?”

“They threatened to kill all us. My mom, my dad, me, your mom, andyou. He had followed Amanda and me the past few weeks. He knew how much I cared about you. Just think about it, my and your whole family wiped out. All if I said a word. Trust me, if they had said they were just going to go after me, then I would have told the cops in a heart beat, but I can’t let you risk your life and your families’ life.” His voice is filled with not only regret but frustration. I take his hand in mind hoping my small hand will offer some sort of warmth and comfort.

“Thank you.” I say, barely above a whisper.

“For what? I couldn’t stop them. If it weren’t for me, she would still be alive.” He holds a death grip on my hand. I squeeze back with equal force.

“Justin, look at me.” When he doesn’t I take his jaw in my hand and turn his face so that he can see my eyes, and hopefully see the truth that they hold. “This is not your fault. You didn’t take her down that alley way, they dragged her. I know a few details about that night and none of it, none what-so-ever, points to you being at fault.I’m thanking you for saving me and my family when you couldn’t save her. I am thanking you for telling me the pieces of the puzzle I was missing. I am thanking you for loving your sister. She was my best friend. Every time I talked about, she sang nothing but your praises. She loved having you as a brother.”

I release his face after my speech and stand up. When he sees me do so he rises and wraps me in his arms. I feel the warmth that his sister had always felt and I hear the steady beating of his heart against his chest. The one that used to beat for my best friend and probably always will. I try to absorb some of Justin’s strength and resilience. I try to give him the love he shared with his sister. Walking arm in arm I say my goodbye to Justin and watch him drive away knowing, now that he has some kind of peace of mind, this is the last time I will see those deep blue eyes and messy hair.

I let the boy that I had fallen in love with walk away. I did it because I knew that it would hurt him more to let him stay. I could already see that looking at me, he could see his little sister. Though my days were filled with sorrow after he left, I kept a place in my heart for the boy who, when he couldn't save his sister, saved me.