Express

Hello Deanz! Wolf here to do some reviewing!

This is a very short but interesting piece. I personally hope that you will continue it, make it into something longer that I can get lost in. Try adding some examples and explanations of the things you have stated here.
Do you personally know any musicians? Are you one? Is there a reason why artists have a desire to express what is beautiful to see?

I must agree with your past reviewers, this would make an excellent poem. But I do also believe that it could work as other things. You could keep it as a simple little essay that tears apart why people do things. Or you could turn it into a song. Or you could write a story about people trying to figure out things on this topic. There are many different ways you could go with this, and I think you should seriously consider one of them. This could be a really amazing piece!

This piece is so short that I think there really isn't much else to critique. So if you make it longer please shoot me a PM so I can read it again.


Keep writing!
~WW

Hi there Deanz,

This is a nice statement, that has a good meaning behind it. But as a piece this is rather short. I think you're talking about what makes a musician make music, why artists paint and then conclude to say why anyone does anything. That's a good message. Now I think you should do more with it Maybe turn this into a poem and use the same three meanings to create three stanzas? It could become something really beautiful and written in such a way more people get the meaning. Like, for example the first stanza about Music:

Simple little sounds that sway in the air,
A note that falters, just - hanging.
An emotion so pure it tickles an ear,
The reason a musician presses a pencil to paper.

Already it shows the same meaning, but in a way that can draw in the reader even more. I hope it inspires you so that you have ideas for the next to points you have in there. Try it with an artist, and then why you write, for example. It could turn out really great.

And if you would like help writing the poetry, or want to know more about poetry in general then I have this for you. It's a club dedicated to poetry and can probably help you out! I hope this review helps

Deanie x

Alright, so there are a few things I'd like to point out ^^

First, punctuation goes after the last letter of the last word. For instance: "Musicians have the desire to express what is beautiful to hear." not "hear ." There is only a space AFTER the punctuation, not before it. There are some people who do this space error for word count/page count but it is actually improper English and they have to make the size of their periods bigger not to get caught. As it stands now, I think this is a really cute little piece. I understand that you didn't intend for it to be a poem, but it is the start of a poem for sure.

With Poetry, you have lines and those lines give you an extra moment to add connections between words, just like stanzas add connections between lines. It's kind of like sentences and paragraphs in normal writing.

"Just as artists do to see." is an awkward but understandable sentence. The main reason is because we don't have what they do. This, in poetry, wouldn't even be considered as an error or odd at all. Because this is in other, you might get some sideways looks.

Overall, the only thing you'd really have to do to make this a poem would be to decide if you want lines (while most poetry has lines, some does not), fix the punctuation, and add some metaphor or simile, or other examples. I think adding examples to this piece whether it is as a poem or not is going to really help the piece. It will give the work a chance to show a deeper meaning and draw the reader in instead of speaking to the reader directly.

Is this a joke?
Ok i need points so i will go ahead and review this as well.
What you said is pretty spot on.
Try to make it into a poem.