The Clockturner-Part 2

by Tabithalillian

Published May 25, 2013

In ClockTurner

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             He was Victor Frankenstein but the monsters he created were beautiful and marched away to a sacrifice that no one else in the colony wanted to make.  Jacob touched the copy of the book he kept hidden in the drawer of his desk; “...nothing contributes so much to tranquilize the mind as a steady purpose...” he muttered the quote and slammed the drawer shut. He cleared off a place on his desk and opened up the notebook he had kept during the creation of her, the creation of Oddney. “I have done it, after forty six years I have created the second clock turner.” Journals lined the walls of his large laboratory the binding loose on some and pages fluttering out on others. Each was full of words and formulas, details about each day and each progression on his creations. The first girl was named Adra.

            He remembered, the first time creating life and lifting the screaming child from the fluid. Yes, she had screamed unlike this one. Screamed without cease and he remembered her pinched white face. Perhaps he had gotten better in his designs, this infants face seemed already open and not quite beautiful but pleasant. Perhaps he should have made them ugly, after all it is easier to lock up something ugly and weak. It should have put his mind at rest but nothing ever would knowing these girls were to be shut away from the sun. To grow like vampires in the deep of a cave. But his work paid the bills.
 

        “I believe she is better made than Adra was so many years ago. Some might even call her pretty in the future, if anyone else is to see her.” He stopped and rubbed his hand through his red curls. “No one will ever see her, save for Adra. I now start to wonder if I remembered her conditioning while decanting her.” The day that the Leader had given him the details on his new occupation  Jacob had been in shock. Completely speechless at the idea of  installing an idea in a childs mind. From creation taking away a desire to advance in life, removing from them a love for nature and human connection. Creating girls that were hard working with a mind that never tired of the work they were doing. Stupidly believing that they would rather do nothing else. On reflection he had realised that this was the less cruel thing to do, if a body is doomed to one purpose in life then why not make them believe they are happy while doing it? Jacob often wondered how his life would have been different if he had been designed specifically for his work. Never to feel a pang of guilt while he watched the girls carried down the white halls.


            He flipped through the brittle pages of his most recent journal. He conditioned his children at the final stage, before they were brought into the world. The pages showed nothing. No indication that he had actually completed the child before her ‘birth’. He raked at his beard and shut both books, putting them on the shelf quickly. Perhaps he had, in some act of defiance and pity, intentionally skipped this step that had been stressed so frequently by their Leader. Maybe, in a way, this was his final act before retiring. He would be forced retirement soon. They needed fresh minds and techniques. Oddney had been his final creation and though part of him almost hoped that he had not conditioned this girl he knew in his heart that he had. He was old, maybe even forgetful, Jacob had simply forgotten to write it down. His fear of the Leader and overall cowardice that drove him everyday to complete his task would not have allowed him to make such a statement in his final clockturner. With an unjustified sense of defeat Jacob Bradley traded his lab coat for a green corduroy one and locked the door.
 

              Outside it smelled like rain and when the wind blew it was cold and pleasant. The house where Jacob lived was only a two minute walk from the facility, the Leader had gotten him the house. Incase of an emergency was what he had said, Jacob would only be a jaunt away. It was an impressive house with a sprawling yard and a smooth white stone wall around it. The stones glistened in the dampness of the evening. The silhouette of his wife danced through the window from kitchen to sitting room. He opened the door as she dropped onto the couch, beckoning him over with a singer finger. He obliged robotically and bent at the waist, she kissed his cheek and exhaled blue smoke through her nose.


             “I wish you wouldn’t.” He said in a monotone, removing his damp coat and pulling off his shoes at the heel. She rolled her small eyes and snuffed the cigarette in a china ashtray. Emily had always smelled dark and smokey. Like a hotel bar in the the twenties, is what she said most mornings. The bodice of her flowered dress clung to her chest and wide hips, she tilted her head back and sighed.


           “They’ve got a cure for everything Jacob, I can smoke if I want and I do.” Her voice was high and staccato, Jacob winced as he lowered himself stiffly onto the chair next to her. “Some people even think it’s attractive.” Her thin painted lips formed a pout.

           “It’s late Emily I told you you didn’t have to wait for me.” She leaned forward onto the arm of his chair and her dress whispered against the carpet.


         “Has it ever occured to you that I like waiting for you. God knows there’s nothing better to do. I have no friends Jacob! No one will do anything with me. Tilly moved down south where it’s warm and it never rains, and Harper’s mother is sick so all her times been spent with that old bat.” Her voice was boisterous, “Could we move down south? Once you retire. Everyone looks younger down there and I’m up here rotting in the damp climates.” Her hand flew to her face and smoothed the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. The other hand took a cigarette out of the silver case on the coffee table. She held it out to Jacob, he lit it, she inhaled and exhaled a slow breath. Jacob waved smoke absently from his face and looked at his wife with a mix of exhaustion and fondness.


          “Once I retire i’m going to take some time to enjoy this house and go to bed early and drink coffee in the breakfast room. I’ll have time to play my violin again.” His eyes were glazed as he spoke of a future that he had only dreamed about since starting his employment.


           “Well that sounds...” she inhaled, “...perfectly horrible.” Emily whispered in a breathy exhale, she kissed Jacob's hand. Jacob smiled a sad slow smile and patted her fleshy arm.


         “You don’t need to look any younger, you’re just as pretty and smoky as the day I met you. Now, i’m going to bed.” He stood and she patted his thigh, her mind obviously on other things. He called goodnight over his shoulder and heard her turn on music as she began her dance about the living room again. Jazz piano thrummed through the house.

          As he lay between the cool sheets of their large bed Jacob Bradley let the nights earlier panic leave his chest and he thought for a moment on his newest girl. He could hear Emily’s footsteps below him and the sound of a new rain starting above him. Oddney was to be his final and most masterful creation. She would be sent away in a year or so and he would train another to this doomed job. Under the blankets in a house paid for by his government he stopped his worry for that girl and her future. She would be great and new but she would be doomed to a life serving their society. But as she began her sentence Jacob was relieved from his and with that knowledge he slept. And Emily danced.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 
Part one of this story can be found: Here!  Thanks so much for any reviews! 
Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Deanie
Review
Deanie wrote a review Review · May 26, 2013

Hi Tabithalillian,

I also read the first chapter, so I would understand this more. And I like it so far. It's nicely paced, and has a good story coming along here. Slowly more and more things about Jacob's life is being revealed to us. And I can see how he finds his retirement as a relief. But now I am wondering what you are intending to do with the rest of the story. How will this progress? And of course, I am curious as to what the Clockturners do, and how important their role is. So I'm eager to continue reading, a very good thing to be able to do.

I liked the ending to this chapter, especially as it's like Jacob slept, and Emily danced. That alone has it's own dreamlike feel to the story.

I think I would also like to see a bit more relation between him and his wife. It seemed like they were friends, instead of people who were fond of each other and in love, or were in love. I don't know... I would just like a little more there.

But a very good beginning, and let me know when the next chapter is up! I would like to read it :)

Deanie x

User avatar
Aley
Review
Aley wrote a review Review · May 26, 2013

Near the end you have a lowercase I'm, second to last paragraph. Make sure you keep an eye on that. Also check your use of ellipsis, they are to be used when you are excluding information. I don't think you use it that way even though that was the original intent. Sometimes when you want to just do a pause, you can do this by simply putting in a break. You have a good example of a speech break at the end, but you use the ellipsis too which makes things awkward.
You should also keep an eye on info-dropping. It's something I like to do too, but it's really not that helpful. Basically, it's large chunks of information that doesn't really pertain to the current action. It takes people out of the story and into an ethereal realm between reader and visual. A writer's goal is to keep things visual, and to actually get the person involved in the story, drag them in as their own individual and relate them to the character in different ways. While you have the smoking thing expose masses of new technology, you also have this birth that we're seeing in happen stance, and all of this talk about the last child. I feel that this story would be stronger if you actually SHOWED us the birth in real time instead of just hearing about blips of it. Show us his excitement, have him whisper about his last one, talk to her.
I like the bits and pieces of description, but I'd suggest adding more so we can actually get a visual of him.



Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open.
— Sir James Dewar, Scientist