Young Writers Society

I like how you did it in the style everyone can understand. You used very good vocabulary. I feel that every little kid would enjoy this.
Overall, a really good poem. keep it up.
Gothgirl

Hey again Pantig, Black back for another, quick, review day Review!

Okay, so nice nonsense poem here! Whew, I'm glad to step, again, off of all the formal writing that I've been having to review today. Not having to dig up themes for once, is a blessing. You have a fun idea here, interesting, intriguing, and good nonsense. However, you do have a couple small problems: Grammar and rhyming. Understand that rhyming is practically essential to nonsense poems. If you want to write a nonsense poem it should read easily, and be fun! Should it? What better a tool to use than rhyme?

I'll work through them with you as I can, but once again I must stress that you are going to have to meet me half way here in improving your work! At the end of the day you CANT rely on only reviewers.

First we're going to go into your Grammarand Rhyming problem.

Look, it really seems like you have this thing of not putting a space after periods and commas. I noticed this in the last piece of yours that I reviewed (You probably saw that), and it would really be good if you fixed it. Oh, and just 'so ya know', though it isn't essential to be linear in your writing, it really helps you if you try to develop your story a bit. Anyway, here goes with some fine nit-picking.

Dark Colors,every corner
Light Colors,Yes sir
White,Grey,Brown,Black
You can see at every back

Every Colors have their meaning
In every place they are creeping
Don't be shy like a "fay"
C'mmon lets just make crochet

Your right,Yes its brown
But don't be down,You can lie down
I'll bake some pie,For you to try
For now I must say Good-bye

Hey! Another review here I come!

So, I like to go from stanza to stanza:

First Stanza: First and foremost is the formatting, and I have often told people how much I do not like formatting at all! (sometimes) I actually don't mind formatting now though. So anyways, I think your poem and that first stanza would sound better (because we read as we see sometimes) if it is formatted like this:

"Dark Colors,

Every Corner,

Light Colors,

Yes sir!

White, Grey,

Brown, Black,

you can see at every back"

Okay, now that the formatting is done, the stanza is good, but I don't exactly get what you are trying to say. It all seems rather random to me, and randomness is good, great even, but in this case the randomness is very confusing. You can keep the randomness without taking away all sense. So how about instead of "you can see at every back" you write "They're always there, they never lack". Or something like that. But that's just a suggestion. You could change the order of the colors so that you could end it with something else. But I do kind of understand what you mean by "at every back" so just try to see if it is revise able.

Second Stanza: Here are some suggestions and corrections:

"Every color has it's meaning,

And in every place they are creeping,

Don't be shy like a "fay" (I have no idea what a "fay" is, I'm gonna google it. )

C'mmon lets just make crochet" -- this seriously needs to change. I feel like you could really talk about how much color means to you, instead of ploping crochet in there, . And this is the randomness I was mentioning in the beginning, it's interesting, but it doesn't make sense, and not only that but you could still get your point across in a different way. You could still say "come on lets make crochet," but add something before it leading up to it. Like "Don't worry about the grey" "Or the things that make you fret" "C'mmon let's make crohet" something like that would be a nice, fun add to it.

Third Stanza:

You're (I know this is supper hard, I forget the apostrophe sometimes too ) right,
yes it's brown,

but don't be down,

You can lie down,

I'll bake some pie, For you to try,

For now I must say Good-bye," this is the formatting I recommend. Now for the corrections, I feel like instead of saying it's brown, you should instead talk about the different colors in it. (The "it" I am guessing is the crochet? If not I have no idea ) So, if "it" is the crochet I think that you should try to write about how the colors affect the final piece, and just in general add more color in it. "But don't be down, you can lie down" this really confuses me, I don't know what you are talking about. And then the last "For now I must say Good-bye" but I thought the person was going to make pie!

Generally I get this was a fun, maybe funny? Cute poem, and I liked the start, I thought the start was good, but I think that is can be revised, and that you should look over some of my suggestions for some revision options.

It's cute though!

-- Dream on!

Hello,
I didn't quite understand this poem... It was very strange but in a good way. Sometimes a poem that some cant grasp keeps it on there mind for hours and that makes you a good poet. I promise that when I wake up tomorrow I will still be trying to figure this out. Which is a good thing.




~MindBlown

Hey Gianinepantig,

It's great to see you out on the poetry boards! I'm Audy and I'm usually here quite often, so nice to meet you ^_^ Now, let's dig right into this, shall we?

The first stanza I think you can do without. We know what colors are, we know what dark and light colors are-- and other than expressing that the colors are there and everywhere, the first stanza doesn't add much to the poem.

Now, I think your use of slang/colloquialisms/abbreviations are interesting, and I like to see them used more often in poetry, so the yesssir/c'mmon stuff was nice, but also remember, even if you're writing a more casual piece, you'll want to double check your grammar.

I don't mind not having any punctuation/periods and capitalizing the first word of every line. But a lot of your commas are misplaced, for example: the last stanza: I'll bake some pie for you to try" it doesn't need a comma.

Also, the "Lets" in your second stanza needs an apostrophe, as does: "It's" in the next stanza. Remember anything that is a contraction: Let us / It is -- they all require apostrophe! And if you're going as far as to use casual language, might as well contract some of the :they are/ you are stuff, because spelling it out as waaay formal. You want to make sure you're consistent!

Interesting rhymes here. They do sound just a bit forced, but I like a lot of your slant rhymes here. Meaning/creeping was a particularly lovely rhyme!

I hope this helps

Hello lovely,
First off, it's kind of hard to understand what it is you are trying to get across in this poem. There needs to be some kind of meaning or message in what you are writing or the person reading this can become confused. Also, don't try to force things to rhyme. You want things to just kind of flow together, and when you force things to rhyme it can take away from the poem itself. It seems like you had some trouble with this, espically with the second stanza since there wasn't any. Poetry can be very difficult to write, I only resently started trying to myself. Continue practicing, and you'll be amazed at what you'll be able to come up with.

Have some fun reviewing^^
I know right^^It looks like it has many word with the same tune^^