Young Writers Society

Hey there, I'm June,

I concur with the previous reviewers when they say that the simplicity of this poem is strongly appreciated.

I have a little bit of a qualm with the If you sat at the edge of the earth... instead of if you were at the edge of the earth. In my head, it feels like that would tie together better, but I do understand that may have been a choice for style instead. Either way, I'm a big fan of the 'edge of earth' image. It infers a air of severity to this poem, which does favors for the likability factor here.

My other complaint comes here

or cling to your home,
hands grasping tight,

Hello. Sorry for being so late.

So, you have a short little poem here. It prompts us to look at the difference between the possible payoff of bliss, or the comfort and security provided by home.

I'm not sure if this is particularly original or not. The concept is not by far, but you have possibly twisted this around to the point that there's something that lets the message stick. I think this comes from using the flat earth concept instead of using anything else that gives us a less concrete image.

The linebreaks also help with the story, which is rather nice to see. The narrowing point gives a sense the opportunity is fading, almost, which helps the work hit at a deeper level. I almost wish it was a perfectly narrowing point, so the concept was taken to the farthest extreme. I understand if this won't be possible thanks to your word choice, but if you wanted to play with anything in the work at all, I'd look at that.

I'm torn on whether or not I'd actually work on improving this poem in depth. I think my main qualms are the lines, already mentioned, and maybe a slightly more polarized emotional tapestry. The promise of infinity is probably the weakest line because it's the hardest to fill in for the reader. It could mean anything and, as a result, is weak. We can't grasp onto it therefore the promise of it falls flat.

That is the only word I'd toy with, though. I actually love this work and want to congratulate you on taking the cliched concept of fear of the unknown and turning it into something that has some punch to it.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions or comments.

~Rosey

Hi there! Noelle here to review as requested! Sorry it took me a little longer to get here. I've got finals this week and they're stealing all of my spare time. :/ Anyway...

First off I want to say that this is a nice poem. It's so short, but that doesn't mean anything. It all works well like this. The message is short and sweet and I really enjoy it. The shape of it is also pretty cool. I'm not sure if you wrote it specifically to look like that, but it's cool how it gets smaller as it goes along. It kind of looks like a cliff which totally reinforces your idea of sitting on the edge of the earth. Pretty cool!

Usually in a poem I would quote it and make corrections and comments as I went along, but since this is so short I figured that I would simply comment on each line as much as I can. I can't guarantee much for some of the lines because, well, there's not much to them. Well, here we go:

If you sat at the edge of the earth,[/quote}
*first off, this is a great start. Immediately you are pulling us in by getting us to consider something that, really, isn't possible. There isn't an edge of the earth and you certainly can't sit at it. Something about this sounds strange to me though. The whole 'sat at the edge of the earth' thing. It just sounds awkward to say 'sat at the edge'. Wouldn't it sound better if you said 'sat on the egde'? Just a personal preference.

legs hanging off the horizon,

*good imagery here. It's so simple, yet so effective. I can totally imagine someone's legs just hanging off of the edge. Although here you should probably say 'legs hanging off into the horizon'. That gives it a little more depth and imagery.

would you dare venture beyond

*okay, so after reading this line, I've realized that you needed a period or dash at the end of the previous line. This one is starting a different idea so you'll want to distinguish between the first idea and this one.

to glimpse infinity,

*I really love this line. Again, it's just a few words, but so powerful. Now you've gotten the reader imagining exactly what infinity is. Because, of course, infinity is another abstract concept that really can't be understood. So by forcing the reader to think about it, you're creating substance in your poem.

or cling to your home,

*oh, I would definitely cling to my home. I'm lame and not adventurous at all. XD

hands grasping tight,

*should be 'grasped'. Your poem is in the past tense, not present. Make sure to keep track of your tenses. It's hard at times, I'll admit it. Like I was writing this novel in present tense and then wrote a short story in past tense and I had issues staying true to one tense. It's like once you start writing, you don't notice it until too late. Usually for me that's like three whole paragraphs later -_-

scared to fall
without
end?

Hi Roxy here!
I like the shortness and the crispness of your poem, its quite refreshing as untalentedwriter said!!
I love the idea of "legs hanging off the horizon,", its a really creative and vivid description!
The message in poem is a really strong one, and I think that you handle it very well!
Overall I really love this poem!!
Keep it up!

This poem is very short, but it is really conveying what you are trying to say. Simple poems are always my favourite, especially when they are like this one.

The poem really makes me feel like I am in this moment, like I'm sitting there, on that cliff.
I don't know if its just me, but I kind of saw this with a double meaning, this poem reminds me of a song called Bullet, by Hollywood Undead.

But, overall, your grammar and punctuation is really great.
Keep up the great writing!


~Winter

The simplicity of this poem is really refreshing and interesting. It's simple, but had such a power. You can feel what your writing. I can honestly picture it in my head. It has emotion and that something that is really important when writing. I really liked it. You wrote your nonet really well. I can't get the hang of them yet, so this is really fantastic to me. Excellent work my friend.

This is an amazing poem.I love how the whole thing was a question.I REALLY liked it
The format was cool, but I think it would be better if the beginning of every line was capitalized. Oh, and "earth" needs to be capitalized (by the way). Besides those things, everything else looks fine (according to my amateur eyes that is).

Screamandshout;

Wow. Just wow. I am completely and honestly astounded. I don't know where to begin, in fact. Just the way you set it up has be blown away!

This poem actually makes me feel as though I was sitting at the edge of the Earth. I know this is supposed to be a review and I'm supposed to mention mistakes, but I was just so engulfed in the poem for the few seconds I read it. I've now read it at least four times now and I still can only feel myself holding my breath as I read. Amazing, truly, truly amazing.

Just . . . stunning. Please keep writing!

Short and simple, but powerful.

(I would definitely cling to home, because I am a coward about this kind of thing.)

Good job keeping up the structure of a nonet; that can be difficult, but you did it without an awkward phrasing. You have good diction that still fits the syllable requirements of the form. Awesome job!

~Blue