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Young Writers Society



Music

by victormarquezj13


Can we find any life 
without the music around us, 
there would be no life, 
no love, 
no happiness.
There is music for everyone, 
not just for the rich. 
IN life everything is music, 
the beating of my heart,
the typing of this keyboard.
Why would someone take that away.
music is such a beautiful thing. 
Let music into our life with open arms. 
And let music guide us too our future.

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8 Reviews

Points: 1390
Reviews: 8

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Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:20 pm
Diana2357 says...



Vic, I sense your love for music. I liked how you mentioned the "beat of your heart" and "typing of the keyboard" as music to say that music is everywhere. Perhaps you can get inspired and takes this poem further as to say that people could be happier if they picture life musically. I noticed you have some questions but forgot to put the question mark, other than that, nice job. Keep writing. Hurtado




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1274 Reviews

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Reviews: 1274

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Sun Apr 28, 2013 5:37 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi Victor and welcome to YWS! Overall, I think there's some potential here, but it could be made stronger.

IN life everything is music,
the beating of my heart,
the typing of this keyboard.


To me, this is the strongest part of the piece. There is an image here that does something really new with the idea. You could build on this with more images of "everyday music". Unfortunately, the rest of the piece doesn't do this so well.

without the music around us,
there would be no life,
no love,
no happiness.


Not a bad idea, but I advise against using abstract terms like life, love, and happiness. They're weak and don't paint a clear image, unlike what I quoted above. Instead, I might show what a world without music would be like. For example, you could have a guy trying to woo a girl, but there's no music to dance to. This would be more interesting in my opinion.

Overall, there's some strong parts, but I think you could rework it to make it less abstract. Keep writing and welcome again to our fantastic site! :)




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33 Reviews

Points: 253
Reviews: 33

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Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:13 pm
CaptainFinick wrote a review...



Can we find any life
without the music around us,
there would be no life,
no love,
no happiness.
There is music for everyone,
not just for the rich.
IN life everything is music,
the beating of my heart,
the typing of this keyboard.
Why would someone take that away.
music is such a beautiful thing.
Let music into our life with open arms.
And let music guide us too our future.

Bonjour!

Firstly i'm sorry that your entire work is copied into this review but my computer keeps doing it (as in EVERY OTHER REVIEW I DO).

Well I'll get on with reviewing then I think.

Music is a big part of everyday life and I can't think of a day in which someone doesn't hear at least one note of music. If there wasn't any music it would be a very boring world, as you said in the poem.

Instead of putting "in" you put "IN" so that might have been a mistake or an auto correct or... something.

But otherwise this was very nicely written and I enjoyed the general message within it.

Keep on writing because this is a good standard and was very interesting.
*hits like button*





I am big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself.
— Leslie Knope