This is awesome, and I love it.
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Your childhood wishes have grown up with you
the road has put some of its dust on your face, a layer.
The innocence still,
in your eyes, a little buried behind a
pretending-to-be-tough face.
Your wrists still rather thin, your fingers long
maybe from all the holding on.
In your backpack you hide a secret
of crumpled up pages, notepads,
empty ink bottles and broken pens, but still
the faint smile etched on your face is poetry.
You say you haven't been able to really
find out what you set out to seek,
you clap your palms in wonder, fiddle with your shoelaces.
There's not much here,
but I hope that doesn't break you.
Hi there, shoaib! My name is Scarlett and I'll be reviewing you poem this evening. ^^
Firstly, wow, shoaib. This is a cute little poem. It truly brought a smile to my face. Absolutely lovely. <3 I like the flow, despite a few places where it's awkward or might need a break of some kind, like here;
Your childhood wishes have grown up with you
the road has put some of its dust on your face, a layer.
Your wrists still rather thin, your fingers long
maybe from all the holding on.
Hello there here is a me with a review for ya I hopes it helps yu out.
OK you did really good but I think you need to put a space after the "periods".
I also think you put to many "comas" but maybe its just me.
And another thing is although it may make sense to others it does not make any to me.
see maybe you can tell but its OK if you don't understand what I am saying.you clap your palms in wonder, fiddle with your shoelaces.
Points: 830
Reviews: 208
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