The man on top of me looked oddly familiar. I guess I can't really say he looks familiar, since I can only make out his eyes they were an Icey blue. They stared into mine with such love that they left me speech less.....
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!Anyway let's get right to it,
Along with what Kayfortnight had said, I believe this chapter has to be expanded on a ton. I don't know if we can fully classify this as a chapter yet. I've seen some pretty short chapters in stories, but I think this one's pushing it. It would be more acceptable if the chapter told the reader something. Like why is there a man on top of this woman/man? Is it a man and a man or a woman and a man? There's so much detail that's needed in this. It leaves the reader wondering and confused.Kayfortnight pretty much covered the grammatical errors, but one other thing is that there should be a comma in between "eyes" and "they".Anyways, this chapter needs to have way more details. Expand on this and I think it could have potential.
Kay here to get this work out of the green room.First things first. This is not a chapter. The shortest chapter I've ever seen was about half a page, and it said far more than this in a few short words.Speechless is one word and icey should be lowercase in the context you use it in.There is almost nothing to review here. You need to expand it by adding more details and more story. All I know here is there is a random person looking into a man's blue, loving, eyes. Not much, is it? Who are these people? What are their wants, hopes, and desires?
OK, here is my review, I really think that this story has potential but i found some small problems i would just like to address. The first would be the story, like i said this has potential but you really just don't get the story across, now i can see if you are wanting to open up the story and the character is hanging off the edge of a cliff and it makes you wonder how he got there, i see that, but i would like to see how that is addressed, perhaps with a flashback or something. Another thing that i noticed was that i really don't know what your character looks like, i'm not sure whether they're a boy or a girl (which frankly would be a little weird concerning the situation) i can't really picture them or connect with them. I also have no idea what kind of setting these two characters are in are they in an airplane? A spaceship? I just can't see it. Also Why cant he\she see the man on top of them? Another thing would be, i'm interested in the "Oddly familiar part" you could really turn this into a mystery, and have an excellent plot. All in all, excellent, i love the cliffhanger, the detail and everything, keep up the good work.
Is... is this it?
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