Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Health

E - Everyone

Pills

by jackolantern


 
They come in capsules, seven or eight at a time. 
I can take six at once, 
I'm pretty good at it.
They don't do much,
Just keep things from coming through the walls,
Stuff like that. 
They don't stop the see through skull,
Or the erratic death wishes.
I take six at a time, every evening,
And one in the morning.
They stick in my throat, usually. 
Sometimes I can ignore it,
But usually its a pain.
I wait six to eight weeks to see if they work--
Which is a long time.
They never do. 
When six or eight weeks are up,
I go back to her, and we taper off it,
And go on to something else,
Other colored capsules,
Pink, blue, maybe green.
My favorites are the little white ones. 
They remind me of grains of rice. 
When we catch on to something, and see a little improvement,
I get excited. 
When it goes away in a few months
I sadly wait for the next capsule.
The next one comes. 
Pink, blue, maybe green. 
I can take six at a time. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
7 Reviews


Points: 1081
Reviews: 7

Donate
Thu Jun 13, 2013 4:03 am
viadelleombre says...



This really resonated with me, as I've written many poems about the amount of medications I'm on as well. It really is such a touchy subject as just thinking about it evokes emotion in me. But I really liked the poem and made me feel not so alone.




User avatar
229 Reviews


Points: 11589
Reviews: 229

Donate
Mon Apr 01, 2013 12:00 am
SushiSashimi333 wrote a review...



Despite the many colored capsules there is a sad note to this. I imagine the pills and what this person must go through, hope seeming so far away. This was very touching in a different sort of way than most other touching stories, and sadly it is true for a lot of people. Also how you brought back a line said in the beginning, really nice touch. Well done.




User avatar
1210 Reviews


Points: 29861
Reviews: 1210

Donate
Thu Mar 28, 2013 3:14 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi jackolantern! Being on my own med cocktail, I can sort-of relate to this. You also have some good imagery, such as comparing them to grains of rice.

I think where this could use improvement is in the description of the disease itself. There's some hints at psychiatric symptoms in the beginning, but when you say this:

When we catch on to something, and see a little improvement,
I get excited.


What is supposed to be improved on? Are your moods more stable? Is your sleep better? Do the delusions go away? How does having these symptoms affect you? Does it change how you interact with others? I think if you get more personal, it will make the piece stronger.

Some parts seem more like a clinical description of what's happening than a personal account, like

When six or eight weeks are up,
I go back to her, and we taper off it,
And go on to something else,


I'd try to put more emotion into this or maybe find some metaphors to spice it up.

If you're interested, I wrote something similar recently called "crazy little pills". It needs a lot of work, but it might interest you to see what other people do with this subject.

There is some great images in there, but I think it could dig deeper in a few places. Good job and keep writing! :)




User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 798
Reviews: 9

Donate
Thu Mar 28, 2013 2:03 am
View Likes
Demtry wrote a review...



Hey :) I absolutely love this poem - the simplistic language makes it so much more real. One of my favorite lines is
"My favorites are the little white ones./They remind me of grains of rice."
I also really like how you start in medias res; it draws you straight into the poem.

I don't really have any criticism, I really related to this piece and really enjoyed your writing, I can't wait to read more!




User avatar
27 Reviews


Points: 333
Reviews: 27

Donate
Wed Mar 27, 2013 8:35 pm
EmilyofREL says...



Have I mentioned I love you lately? This poem's so emotional (probably because I know most of the story behind it) <3




jackolantern says...


THANK YOU! Yay!



User avatar
39 Reviews


Points: 703
Reviews: 39

Donate
Wed Mar 27, 2013 8:08 pm
queenofscience says...



That is really good. Is this based off of personal experiance?

Btw, i know nothing about poetry.




jackolantern says...


Thanks! I have an emotional disability which means loads and loads of drugs. Usually I have a better attitude, but lately I've been very fed up with serotonin and dopamine :) thanks so much for your review though, it's really nice to hear such positive feedback!




Now this thing is gonna fall off the desk. Jeez.
— David Letterman