Young Writers Society

Finally the day came, as we all knew it would. My father died on a warm summers day in 1935 when I was 14 years old. Despite a brief period where we had all though he was getting better, eventually his illness had gotten the better of him robbing him of his youth, happiness and light. In turn it robbed my mother of the love of her life and caring husband, and us children of our loving father. In that time I turned to Harry more than anyone else for comfort, our brief stint of a romantic relationship had ended as quickly as it had begun when we both realised in truth we were friends and nothing more. We had shared our first kiss under a willow tree by the river, illuminated by a full moon causing the waters and froth to glow as it burbled downstream. A summer had passed with us as a couple, but looking back nothing had changed for us. We had always held hands on occasion, always been close physically as well as emotionally so when we decided it was time to call it a day we had easily gone back to being best friends. In truth nothing had changed at all for me, even if we had not been 'dating' I still would have spent every day of the summer with him, as I did every year. I had enjoyed kissing him, his lips were soft and warm, carrying the taste of the sugary jams he ate everyday, and I had love the feel of his hands on my body. On top of my clothes of course, but he had explored my curves with the passionate curiosity of a teenage boy.

Although I had known that the day was coming and had had plenty of time to prepare for it, my father's death had still shaken me to the core. I became depressed, hiding myself once again at school and at home working furiously on my studies as a distraction. I began to do very well at work, becoming one of the top students in my class, and for the first time my teachers started talking to me about college.

'You know Rose, you could do very well if you decided to. There are scholarships and such that you could apply for. Was it nursing you wanted to do?' Mrs Lewis my teacher had said one lunch time when she held me back after class. I was 16 years old at this point and in the past year had started working at an elderly care centre in Shepton Mallet on the weekends. The pay was not good, but for some reason I enjoyed more the time I spent talking about 'back in the day', and learning new things with the old and ill patients than I did going to dances and showing off in front of the boys like the rest of the girls in my class did every weekend. To me, the dances only conveyed the awkwardness of the two sexes. A row of boys on one side of the dimly lit hall, the girls on the other, giggling like children if a boy came to ask one of them to dance, causing the boys to stop asking most of us. I was interested in nursing yes, but I knew I would never be allowed to leave the family home to do it, I helped my mother a lot with the housework and cooking and wondered how she's be able to cope if I did leave. In the 2 years since my father had died we had completely stopped getting money from the new owner of his business, who before had out of kindness helped pay for his treatment and some of our food. Although John and Henry sent home money weekly it was not enough. Either John's salary had gone down or he had just started spending more of it, because what we were getting from the two of them combined was less than what we had received from just gone before. We had heard of a girlfriend, though we had not met her and assumed that it was on her that the money was being spent. Added to this, we had been forced by circumstance to take in the young daughter of my Mother's sister who had died tragically of flu the previous winter. We loved her dearly and would never have said no but the extra mouth to feed really had made a difference on our finances. It was all worth it though, she added a ray of light to a house which had long been so dark and empty.

'I'd love to, I'm not sure that I can though. I need to be here with my family Miss.' In truth I had planned to start working full time in Shepton Mallet once I had finished my summer exams, hoping that by then Elsie would be old enough to start helping Mother with the chores and knowing that the extra money would make the difference between hunger and health in the winter.

'Of course Rose.' My teacher smiled sadly, knowing that for so many of her students a further education had not been an option despite how much potential they might have had. It was sad yes, but at the end of the day my loyalty was to my mother not to myself.

At least I was not, like some of the other girls in my class, being forced to marry in the next year in order to support their families. I was grateful to my mother that she had at least spared me having to marry out of duty and not love, even if I was still to give up my youth to support her.

My best friend Elizabeth had come crying to me last week, appalled and distraught that her parents had asked her to make her wedding vows that October to a much older man.

'All they want is money.' She wailed crying into my shoulder like a small child. 'William is still not married and he is 25, why should I have to marry this terrible man Rosie? He's 45, fat and balding. He already has 2 children! One is older than me! I hate him. He smells like old cigars and rot, I can't do it Rosie, I can't.' Her tears soaked through my thin cotton dress onto my slip, I rubbed her shoulder comfortingly, squeezing my eyes shut and praying that I would not have to do the same thing. Of course I felt sympathy, how could I not. But in truth I think Elizabeth had always known she would be married off as soon as she turned of legal age. That was the way it worked if a poor family were lucky enough to have a pretty and talented daughter. They were worth more in someone else's hands than the families so of course the parents had arranged it. It was a terrible thing really, I sighed as I held her close. I was relieved knowing that at least to my mother I was indispensable for the moment, and I thought she would never lay something like that upon me without at least giving me a choice in the matter.

That Sunday I caught the stagecoach from Shepton Mallet to Frome, where Harry had moved for work the previous year. I knew he was sad at having to give up his dream of studying art at college, yet he was sensible and tried not to let it show. He had taken on a blacksmith apprenticeship, knowing in his heart that he could never carry on his parents farm, and blacksmithing would give him the chance to at least be creative and artistic with his work. They had been disappointed of course, as they were disappointed in almost everything the poor boy did, but had moved on surprisingly quickly when they were given an offer from the Greens to buy their land. Mrs Malloy and pounced on the chance and together with the money from the farm and Harry's wages she had set up a small shop and cafe in the centre of the village, something which had apparently been a lifelong dream of hers. They remained living in their old cottage, none of them had wanted to move out, but were not surrounded all all sides by the Green's farm.

Walking down the main road in Frome side by side, Harry and I got a lot more strange looks than we would have in Evercreech or even Shepton Mallet where we were both relatively known. Old women tutted as they walk past, men gave me dirty looks. I looked up at Harry questioningly but he just shook his head in bewilderment. We were not holding hands, we had long since grown past the stage where that could be seen in anything other than a romantic light, and to my eyes were just two regular people walking down the street together, old friends chatting amicably.

It was all explained when a stooped old women rushed up to us and asked to see my hand, when I proffered it in confusion she looked almost angry as she asked when the wedding would be.

'We're not getting married.' Harry turned to her and said loudly, saving me from the awkwardness. She spat on the ground and mumbled something under her breath as she hobbled off on her cane. Witch. I realised my days of innocence had passed, to be seen as a young lady walking down the street with an older man who was not my brother or father would raise eyebrows and disgust from now on.

To avoid further harassment we turned off and headed out of the town heading west towards Darshill where Harry worked and lived. We talked of old times as we wandered along the river, heading towards a dark wood before us. Harry talked to me of his concern for Europe, he followed the news more than I did, I remembered seeing him often crouched over an old radio in his mothers kitchen. He told me of his worries for an approaching war, saying that Germany was gaining strength with the addition of Italy to their friends. He was shocked that both countries had given their approval and recognition of Franco as the new leader of Spain, someone he had described to me before as 'an asshole who would not care if half his country died if it would get him respect from the Hitler.' Two weeks earlier on the 27th of April, Hitler had shocked and terrified the world by carrying out an air raid which had flattened the Basque town of Guernica with no warning, reason or justification. This talk of a possible war had only confirmed what I already knew in my heart, that I wanted to be a nurse and help these poor people. When I thought of the poor Spanish orphans that the raid had left behind my heart grew cold and I felt sick. I tried to imagine what it would have been like, experiencing the tragedy. Did they know what was coming when they heard the planes flying overhead? Did young children smile and wave as I used to to the planes which flew over the Mendips? After, did they understand what had happened and why? I doubted it, such an act of inhumanity could barely be believed let alone understood.

'I don't understand why the German people let Hitler into power though, surely they knew what he was like.' I said dully, getting depressed by this talk of possible war and death.

'Well look at that ridiculous display they put on last summer in Berlin,' he said almost laughing,' it seems like a lot of the youth there love him, although I can't for the life of me understand why.' The Olympic games had taken place in Germany last year, and the demonstrations of strength and agility displayed by the Hitler youth had to us looked like a joke, everyone looked the same, the girls with the same blonde rolled hair, thick legs and pouting mouths and the boys acting like men, showing off their strength with a pride that we did not forget. The games had displayed in the open the casual racism of Nazi Germany for the first time. We were shocked to hear the black and Jewish athletes described as 'non-human' by a German official. The scene at the bar in town had been one of hilarity when we watched as Jesse Owen's, a incredible specimen of a human being who by chance happened to have dark skin won 4 gold medals despite Hitler's certainty that the Aryan race was strongest of all. And then we listened on in disgust at Hitler refused to shake the poor man's hand. Someone told us that it was said Hitler had a problem with cleanliness, constantly seen washing his hands and showering multiple times a day. He sounded crazy to me. Not the sort of person I could see rising to power in England.

May of that year brought in a new Prime Minister for Britain, a man named Neville Chamberlain. I was shocked yet again by the idiocy of politics when Chamberlain was heard to be praising Hitler and his Nazi Germany for their supposed military restraint. To my ears this sounded like nonsense, hadn't Germany already had troops in the Rhineland for quite some time? Hadn't his so-called Condor legion already left over 1500 dead and a further 890 injured in the unwarranted attack on Guernica? I could not understand this war. Yet in the coming years I was to lose so much to it.

When my exams came round, I did the best I could despite several distractions, I broke up with my boyfriend at the time (a short, round but gently boy called Rufus) when I realised I truly had no affection for him. John had started talking about signing up, wanting to be the first on the front lines when war inevitably broke out, this worried me greatly although of course I had expected it. At least Henry would not be going, he worked with the fire brigade in Bristol, and despite only seeing him bi monthly due to the distance, I was not worried he would join up as he would be more use to his country at home. Harry, I did not dare ask.

My largest distraction however, was one which was brought to light in the latter days of May. I remember the day clearly. It was hot and balmy, and my pale blue cotton blouse clung to my damp body like a second skin. My hair, by which time was halfway down my back and a fiery red just as my mothers had once been, was tied up on the top of my head in an attempt to cool myself, yet as I walk sticky tendrils escaped and stuck to the back of my neck. As I approached our small cottage, more rundown these days than how I saw in my minds eye, there was two differences. Firstly the door was wide open, possibly because of the heat, but even from a distance I could hear raised voices coming through the entranceway. The second, was a car. Although of course I had seen cars before I had never seen one sitting in my driveway, and this was what surprised me most. I tiptoes past the car cautiously afraid that somehow I could break it or ruin it with a touch. I stepped nervously into the house and called out my mothers name softly. She came out of the kitchen a few moments later pulling the door shut quickly behind her, she looked frantic and upset and I wondered what on earth was going on, it was unlike my mother to look so distressed in her own house. Her once beautiful face had grown lined and sad in the past few years, especially so since the love of her life had abandoned her.

'Rose darling, go and get changed, quickly now.' She said starting to push me up the stairs towards my room. ' Wear your Sunday best.' She added this as an afterthought then turned quickly and vanished back through the kitchen door before I could ask any kind of explanation.

After washing slowly and carefully I tiptoed into my bedroom, unsure why I was trying to be so quiet but knowing I wanted to be. It was all very mysterious, I thought, as I started to de-tangle my hair with a silver tooth comb, the same one my mother had used on me as a child. It was probably one of the more expensive items in the house, along with the silver hand mirror which went along with it, hand carved many years ago and passed down to my mother from hers and from her grandmother before that. We were never sure exactly how old the set was, although once my mother had taken them to be valued and come back seeming happy. Once finished with the curls, I started the long job of plaiting the thick tresses, deciding today to wear the plaits pinned up on my head as a defence against the heat. I looked at my reflection carefully in the mirror, it would have to do, I thought to myself. I had often been called pretty, even beautiful, by people I knew and strangers I didn't, but of course who can see that in themselves? I saw a pale face with lips far too red, dull green staring eyes like the murky waters of the river on a day in spring. My dress on the other hand, was beautiful. Handmade by my aunt, a talented seamstress in Bath, for my 15th birthday it was a stunning emerald green. A lowish neckline showed off the pale white of my chest and although painful, the extreme waistline gave me a splendid figure. It also had the advantage of changing my eyes from a murky greyish green to a a sparkling green like the grass on the Malloy's farm.

When I entered the kitchen nervously unsure of what to expect, what I saw there only lead to more confusion. I recognised Benjamin from school's parents, his mother with her pinched unkind face, and the burly gruff father who I had been fearful of from a young age. Next to them sat my mother, nervously chattering about nothing. Suddenly I was embarrassed for her, obviously so out of place in this situation. I wondered how long this awkwardness had been going on before I had arrived, and suddenly I resented the Green's more than ever for making my mother feel uncomfortable. Sitting opposite my mother at the table was someone who I recognised vaguely as one of Ben's older brothers. Either Thomas or Alexander, I couldn't remember which one was which. He looked as nervous as I felt, somewhat charming in the way his head was lowered and he avoided eye contact. I wondered why, if he was anything like Benjamin I expected over confidence and far too much pride.

'Sit.' Mr Green spoke, and I felt a sudden outrage at being told what to do by this man I did not know, did not care to know, and did not like, in my own home especially. Despite that, I sat, although I made sure not to do it immediately after his order, instead turning back to the sink and pouring myself a glass of water. With my back was turned I smiled, proud of my small rebellion. I only sat once I had finished with my drink, purposefully choosing the furthest chair.

'Rose...' My mother began, but then seemed to lose the words. Lucky for her Mr Green was not one to allow another to explain his wishes and he interrupted with the confidence that one learns after a life of always getting what one wants.

'Rose, you've grown up a lot in the past years. You've changed from the trouble making child of your youth into quite a specimen.' I didn't understand where he was going with this, and resented the way he was looking at me.

'I won't drag it out. Nobody here wants that. Your mother has already agreed so really this is just a formality. What are your views on marriage?' He asked this in a voice that dared a negative response. I understood now what was happening. I looked at my mother and saw she was hiding her face in her hands. Thomas or Alexander, whichever one it was, had turned beet red and I was embarrassed for him.

'I have no intentions of marriage, Sir.' I added the last word more as an insult than a sign of respect. 'I don't believe I could leave my mother, she needs me here.'

'I thought as much, fortunately we've already sorted out all that. Your mother will be given a house in the village, one more...suitable for bringing up a child. Young Evelyn will be much closer to school and your mother will have an easier life. That is assuming you have no other plans or suitors?'

I couldn't believe what was happening, why would my mother have agreed to this? She was happy in her cottage, she loved the countryside, the river, and had so many happy memories tied into this home. I had already discussed with her about me working full time and how that extra money would help in so many ways. I felt betrayed,

'Actually I do Sir.' I had to find a way out of this. Who was he expecting me to marry? I presumed it must be the boy they had brought with them, the one who now looked as if he wanted the ground to open and swallow him up. I stared at him, daring him to meet my eye and eventually he did. He looked apologetic, and I knew he had had no more choice in this than I had. I knew a job would be no reason to avoid the marriage, the money they were presumably going to give my mother would be far more than what I could earn to support her.

'I'm going to Nursing school Sir. In London. I've already been accepted.' This wasn't quite true although I knew from school that if I did apply I would get in easily, I found school easy and expected to pass with flying colours that Summer, alongside my experience at the care home I was the perfect candidate.

For a moment it looked as if my mother would speak, knowing my white lie and calling me out on it, but she didn't, instead smiling to herself and bowing her head slightly.

'Nursing school? Why would a girl want to study and work when you could have everything you ever wanted if you were to marry my son.' Mr Green said, shocked at the sudden change in circumstance, I don't think he had expected a debate. I doubt anyone had ever stood up to him before.

'And what if what I want is to work as a nurse? Can a marriage give me that?' I said defiantly raising my green eyes to meet his dark impenetrable ones.

Silence.

'Why don't you and Alexander take a walk whilst us adults discuss this. If it is something which means that much to you and your mother then maybe it can be arranged. Although in all honesty I think it's madness.' Of course he did, because it wasn't his idea. He struck me as man who had got to his point in life by treating those beneath him like idiots and taking advantage of everyone in his life.

I stood up and exited the kitchen quickly through the back door, letting it slam behind me. I half ran down to the swinging chair in the garden. I sat with my back to the door, hoping Alexander would not be so cocky as to assume he could join me. So it was Alexander, I thought to myself, he was the older one I think. Must be going on 25 if I recalled correctly. It could be worse, Elizabeth's match was 29 years older, 9 was not so bad. But still I was outraged that Mr Green had the audacity to presume I could be bought like livestock. I felt betrayed by my mother but at least I could understand what she had done. She probably saw it as giving me a chance at a better life, whilst I saw it as losing all my chances in life.

'Mind if I join you?' I turned and saw Alexander, it was not fair to be angry at him, he had not asked for this either.

'Sure, but I don't want to talk to you.' I moved up slightly on the seat allowing him to sit down with some difficulty.

'That's fine,' he laughed, 'I wouldn't expect you to want to. I'm sorry about this Rose, I didn't want this either, it's all him.' I managed to take offence at that even though I knew he meant it in a nice way. Great, so my potential husband doesn't even want to marry me. We'd be so happy together....

I didn't reply. He allowed us to sit in silence for a few minutes before trying again.

'So you really want to be a nurse? That's really cool Rose, and London's a great place.'

'Well it doesn't look like it can happen now does it. I get home one day and suddenly my whole life is different. How can they expect me to be happy about this? I don't even know you. I thought you were Thomas.' I said that to hurt him I'll admit.

'Oh...Well I'm not, I'm Alexander. It's nice to meet you.' He stuck out his hand in expectancy and for some reason I laughed at the ludicrous situation and shook the hand. It was soft, not what I expected from a farm boy.

'Rosalyn Helena Partridge.'

'Rosalyn? That's a beautiful name. I never knew you as anything but Rose.' He said this seriously and I appreciated how he wasn't making me talk about the situation going on behind the closed doors.

'You knew me?' I was somewhat flattered that someone of his age would have any idea who a young girl like me was.

'Of course. Everybody knows you Rose. You've been quite the talk of the town in recent years.' As soon as he said this I knew he regretted it, he blushed again and turned away. I took the opportunity to study his face in more detail. He wasn't bad looking, as such, he had good features and didn't have the thin lips and eyebrows that my mother had warned me against.

'Oh really? Why?' I had no idea what there was to talk about, I was quite plain as far as I was concerned. I never did anything interesting, and had actually spent hardly anytime in the village in recent months, only going in when it was completely unavoidable.

'I guess its your looks to be honest.'

'Oh.' I had nothing else to say. In the next years I would come to resent how looks were always the first thing people noticed, I was not interesting for my intelligence or skills, but for something that I had had nothing to do with.

'I think it's a good idea for you to study, if its something you really want I'd hate for my father to take that away from you. After all I've already had my chance.' Alexander said sounding honest.

'You studied?'

'In Bristol for three years. I studied advanced Mathematics, my father said that that was a waste of time as well. He was wrong though, I've managed to find a pretty good job, the moneys not too great at the moment but apparently gets better after the first few years. It's enough to be able to rent my own apartment in the city though. I'm an accountant.' He said, again looking embarrassed. I laughed.

'You don't live at the farm? I can't believe he would let you study, did he not want you to take over the farm?' Now it was his turn to laugh, a sound which I hate to admit had quite a pleasing musical lilt.

'God no.' I was shocked at the swear. 'I left that to Thomas and Ben, I couldn't wait to leave that place. I barely even visit, I was quite surprised when my father requested an urgent visit last week, I had no idea it was going to be about something like this.'

'So why couldn't you say no?' I didn't understand how his father could still have that much power over him if he didn't rely on him anymore. Angry that he had gone along with the plan when he was probably the only one who could stop it.

'In truth, I would have. But then he said it was you Rose. I wasn't aware that you didn't know about it until this afternoon when we visited your mother. I'm mortified that I agreed before first talking to you and hearing your view, but at the time I was so overwhelmed that someone like you would want to marry me that I believed him with no doubt. Now I see obviously I was wrong.' His voice grew quieter towards the end and I felt sorry for him. I regretted having treated him so rudely.

'It's not that its you Alexander, I just honestly never saw this coming. I don't feel old enough to be in this situation, I thought I'd have a few years left at least. And I really do want to study.' The more I said it the more sure I was that it was the right thing to do

He didn't respond, so I sat in the silence that enveloped us and tried to make sense of what was happening.

The Greens left an hour later without coming to a conclusion. I could see it was obvious we were not to find any common ground with what we wanted, and certain I could find a better way to provide for my family. That evening my mother and I ate in silence around the dinner table, our contemplation only interrupted by brief outbursts from Evelyn. She was too young to understand the situation and neither of us had the strength to try to explain, it broke my heart to see her face when my mother told her that I might be going away for a while. She had already had one family torn away from her and now my mother was seriously considering doing the same again. Evelyn needed me just as much as my mother did, I was the one who bathed her and dressed her, I took her down to the river and woods just as John had once done for me. I had taught her how to make a simple loaf of bread and how to darn her tights when she inevitably ripped them once a week. It wasn't fair of any of them to try take her away from me and uproot my entire life, I simply wouldn't stand for it.

The next morning I rose with the sun, hoping to leave before I had to face my mother. I arrived outside the Malloy's cottage very early, but as I had hoped they were already up and about working in the yard. Julie gestured inside without even asking why I was there and I ran in to find Harry building up the fire in the kitchen. I jumped on him and held him so close trying to fight off the tears, before finally letting the dam break and soaking through his loose top to his shoulder. He held me away from him at arms length and looked with such concern that it only broke my heart more. I shook my head and pulled him back in, he half led and half carried me over to the low settee and held me for a few minutes more whilst I cried. Once the initial onslaught had ceded, he rose gently and without speaking started to boil water for some tea. As I sat there in the comfort of his kitchen I wished that things had not ended between us when they had, although I valued him more as a friend than I imagine I ever could as a lover there was no denying that we had a connection. But for the first time in my life, I had to keep the news a secret from him at least for a while to protect my own sanity. Looking back, it was the only time I ever kept anything from him before, or after. It was just one can of worms which I didn't have the strength or will power to open at that time.

Try as he did, Harry eventually realised that although I could not tell him the problem I still needed his company more than anything. He asked if I'd like to go down to river and sit, when I asked if we could walk the long way around the village instead of through it where I might see Mrs Green or one of her sons, although obviously not telling him that was the reason, he gave me a strange look but knew better than to push it. Down by the river we started talking about the old times, but the conversation was stilted as we were both trying to avoid the elephant in the room. I knew he was hurt and upset by my refusal to share, but like the friend he was he ignored his feelings for my sake. By noon we were both in better spirits and our conversation flowed as smoothly as it had done before.

'Have you visited the new cinema in Shepton Mallet yet?' He asked me, I was surprised as Harry had never been allowed to see anything at the pictures before. His mother had some strange idea about the effects of sitting in front of the big screen for such a long time, and found the idea of the movies in general a silly, frivolous experience, something to be reserved for the city folk.

'No, I haven't seen anything for about 5 years, when my father took me and my brothers to see Emma' A film which had given me nightmares for years about the dangers of aeroplanes. It did not seem natural to me for something to hang in the sky like that, I had no idea how they worked and had no interest in finding out since then.

'I went last weekend with Robert, his mother was going to Bristol and offered for us both to go with her so she was not alone. We caught the show when she was at her appointment.' He laughed, 'she was so mad afterwards, we had arranged to meet her outside Temple Meads half an hour before the film finished. Lectured us the whole way home about how dangerous the city was, she thought we had been kidnapped or killed I think.'

It was a strange thought, I couldn't imagine anyone having the strength to overpower the two boys. I hadn't met Rob although I had heard a lot about him, but Harry was getting huge. His arms were the size of my legs, taut with muscle earned from long days working in the fields, he towered over me by at least a foot.

'Let's go, next weekend, I'm sure I can be spared on the Saturday if you can.'

I agreed although I doubted I would be able to go. Who knew what what have happened by next Saturday at the rate my life was changing at the moment.