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Asenath:Tears on the Sand Chapter 26

by Aravis10


Part 2 or 3 (if it’s part 3 then I’ll have to figure out where to put part 2)

XXVI

Asenath pulled the scarf over her nose. The dust flew about stinging his eyes.

The slave driving the chariot yelled through the wind, “A nasty dust storm is coming, my lady. Sit down to avoid the worst. We should make it back in time.”

Asenath pressed against the strong wood of the chariot. Through the thick cloth, she could see the streets of Egypt. The whole land was covered in a thick layer of dust. All the trees were bent, twisted, and dying with lack of moisture. Even the sky was a hazy brown. The sun beat down, sizzling the ground. Not even one cloud obstructed the heat. The was not even a relief. It only brought more sand.

Who knew a year of no rain could do so much damage? Of course, there were also the locusts. And the flood before that. And the wildfire last month. The famine came right on schedule.

Behind, she saw the dust storm coming as fast as ever. Then, she heard it. Not the dust storm, but the screams of woman and children. “Get inside! It’s another one!”

She tugged on the slave’s tunic. “Will we make it,” she screamed over the noise.

He gripped the reins tighter. “The horse won’t go any faster. Either we make it at this speed or we won’t. “

She pulled the scarf over her eyes and tried to be calm.

We’ll make it. We have to. I have a four and six year old boys at home.

With her eyes covered, her sense of hearing heightened. The wheels clattering over the stone path, the horse breathing deeply, the occasional crack of the slave’s whip, gates creaking open then closed.

Asenath only dared to peek.

Her brown gardens flew past. It was all the gardener could do to just keep enough grass growing for the horses. The precious water went to the Pharaoh’s vegetable gardens and vineyard. Everyone else had to depend on the grain Joseph had stored up the last seven years of great plenty.

The slave dropped off Asenath at the front door of the house and rode to the stable just in time. The minute the doors shut behind Asenath, the dust and wind struck the house.

That was too close.

She unwound the scarf from around her head, took a deep breath, and coughed. Even the house was filled with dust. It came in like a plague.

Oni strode towards the kitchen, a crimson scarf draped over her wig.

“Oni!” Asenath called.

Oni turned abruptly. “Asenath! You are back.” A gale shook the house. “And good thing too.”

Asenath willed her heart to beat normally. “Yes, Elohim protected me. Where are the children?”

“Your mother is telling them a story in her room. She sent me to fetch her a jug of water.”

“Go ahead then. I will help Mother with the children.”

Asenath walked through the winding halls to her mother’s room, running her hand over the smooth scenes of daily life and flowers on the walls.

She heard the children before she saw them. They were all “shh”ing one another, trying to hear the story.

Quibilah’s cracked voice rose above them. “Do you want to know what happens next?”

Asenath turned the corner into the room.

Quibilah sat cross-legged on a woven mat. Her eyes twinkled, accentuating her many laugh lines. Seven children sat around her.

Zuberi, the oldest at nine, leaned up against a chest, trying to look to old for stories. His long nose was turned upward, but his round eyes betrayed interest.

Little Asenath, with her thick hair tied back into a tight bun at her neck, seemed like a small mother at only seven. She held three year old Khu, Oni’s youngest, in her lap. He played with his long ponytail of dark hair on the side of his head, twisting it around his thin fingers.

Sekani and Manasseh, both at six, sat in Quibilah’s lap. Manasseh’s curly hair stuck to his face, but Sekani had been shaved in the traditional manner. Both had all the Egyptians characteristics; some mistook them as twins.

However Ephraim and Nena, Oni’s fourth child, though close in age (Ephraim-four, Nena-five) could not look any more different. Nena had bright, almond-shaped eyes like her father Msrah. The sun reflected off the glass beads strung in her braided hair.

But Ephraim seemed a bit out of place. He had all the Hebrew qualities. His skin tone was lighter, and his overall appearance was more muscular. But, he had his mother’s milky brown eyes.

All the children turned their heads when Asenath entered. Manasseh jumped up and gave her a big hug. “Momma!”

She reached down and rustled his hair.

Nena frowned. “Does this mean the story is done?”

Asenath laughed. “No, don’t mind me. Let Grandmother finish.”

“And the alligator ran and ran and ran until he ran all the way to the river. He jumped in and has never been seen again.”

Zuberi scoffed. “I would have just shot him with a bow and arrow, not scared him away.” He pulled back his imaginary bow to hit an unseen enemy.

Asenath, Jr., rolled her eyes. “You can’t hit a lightning fast crocodile with a bow and arrow. He would just dodge it.”

Asenath quieted them down. “You can finish this discussion in the main hall while we eat the afternoon meal. Go help the servants set the table.”

Reluctantly, the children went off.

Quibilah chuckled as Khu toddled behind his older siblings. “All seven feel like my very own grandchildren. When I moved in with you, I gained another daughter. Oni is a gem. Is she really a slave?”

Asenath hooked her arm into her mother’s. “No. Joseph and I freed them, but they wanted to stay.”

“I remember that now. Where were you, darling?”

“I went to see Khenemetneferhedjet.”

Quibilah nodded. “Since the death of her husband, the great Senusret II, you have become good friends.”

“We have a lot in common.”

“And her son Senusret III treats Joseph like he is his very own father.”

Asenath contemplated the wasteland outside. “Even in this famine, we have been blessed.”

*#*#*#*#*#*#*#*

Joseph examined the scale. “Two deben for gold for your grain,” he announced to the shifty-eyed nomad.

“Two deben!” the nomad exclaimed. “That is outrageous!”

Joseph rose to his full height. The glaring sun reflected off his shimmering headpiece, gold armbands, and jeweled belt that held his long loin tunic in place. His bare ab muscles rippled as he stroked his straight black goatee. “Two deben seems fair to me, considering supply and demand. Leaders, such as yourself, are flocking from the north and south of Egypt begging for grain. Though the famine is widespread, I have to feed my own people first.”

The trader cowered under Joseph’s penetrating gaze. “Yes, Zaphenath-paneah, vizier, my lord. That is fair.”

“Good. You may settle up here with my assistant Tehuti.” He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, letting two Nubian slaves fan him.

Asenath watched the scene unfold from behind the red and white curtains of her litter. She grabbed a fan as well and sat back against the linen cushions. Though she was at the northern trading post and grain storage area at the very border of Egypt, she was not afraid. Four guards that had carried her litter as well as two female attendants lounged outside the litter under a scraggly persea tree. She liked to watch Joseph’s political dealings even if she had to travel a bit. Of course, she never overstepped her bounds, but it was a good way to break up the day.

Thank goodness that goatee is just for ceremonial show. Facial hair does not look good on him.

She brushed back part of her wig and took a sip from a jug of water. The cool liquid only moistened her dry throat.

Only drink a little water. It’s precious.

Despite her carefulness, some water drizzled onto her chin.

I wish I could just dump the whole thing on my head.

Even from inside the litter, the heat was suffocating.

“Next!” Tehuti called.

Asenath peeked out to watch the next exchange.

Tehuti dropped the gold from the last trader into a jar, guarded by a huge man from Punt. He stood still, his dark hand on a knife lodged in a rope belt.

Some thought that all the people in Punt were giants. Asenath didn’t know if she believed that and she really didn’t care.

Just as long as the money is safe.

Ten men threw themselves to the ground in front of Joseph. Their beards and hair were disheveled and matted with dust and mud. They wore coarse, colorful robes over brown tunics. Asenath stared at their clothes in awe. No one like these men had come to Egypt for grain yet. They reminded her of shepherds, the disgusting outcasts, but only slightly. Also, they had slaves and donkeys laden with the makings of expensive tents.

Joseph first addressed Tehuti. “Do you speak Hebrew?”

“Yes, well enough to have a brief conversation.”

“Good. You will have to interpret for me.”

But Joseph speaks Hebrew fluently!

Tehuti spoke to the men, and they silently stood.

Asenath gasped. Their faces, though much older, had an uncanny resemblance to Joseph’s! She drew back the curtains for a moment.

Who are these men? If they are Hebrew, Joseph must know them! But he will not acknowledge them.

From her litter she could only see his back. But how she wished to see his face, to try to read his expressions!

Joseph stood and crossed his arms. “Where do you rabble come from?” he grunted.

One man with raven black hair and eyes dark enough to be almost black stepped forward. He spoke deeply in Hebrew while Asenath listened through the interpreter. “From Canaan, my lord. We have come to buy grain for our starving families.”

Canaan! Joseph’s homeland. They have to be his relatives!

Instead of embracing him, Joseph scoffed. “I know why you are here. You are spies from a foreign king! You have come to see how weak we are so you can attack!”

The eyes of all the men widened. They shook their heads and fell on their faces again. “No, no!”

The black-haired leader spoke again. “My lord! Your servants have just come to buy food. We are brothers and honest men, not spies. Never have we, I mean, your servants have never been spies!”

Joseph yelled. “Why are you lying?! I know that you want to see the weakness of the land!”

Another man stepped forward from the group. His reddish-brown beard was graying at the roots, and his body sagged as if bearing the weight of guilt. He spoke mildly. “Your servants are twelve brothers from Canaan, the sons of one man there.”

“Now I know that you are lying to me. I can count. There are only ten men here, not twelve!”

Twelve brother? How many brothers did Joseph have?

The leader scowled at the brother who had just spoken. “The youngest is with our father, and the other….” He glanced at the ground. “…is no more.”

One is no more! Eleven brothers! These are Joseph’s brothers! What is he thinking? Does he even know?

Joseph dismissed them with his hand. “It’s just like I said-spies.”

Asenath caught the hint of deception in his voice.

He knows! Of course he knows. They’re his brothers. What is he doing?

The brothers turned away, heads dropped in dismay.

“Wait,” Joseph called them back.

Ah. He will tell them now.

“I will give you a test to see that you are not spies. By the life of Pharaoh, you will not leave until this younger brother comes. I will send one of you to fetch him. The rest will stay in custody. We will see if there if there is truth in you, or, by the life of Pharaoh, you are spies.”

By the life of Pharaoh? He never says that?

The men lighted up. A chance to prove themselves!

“Guards!” Joseph snapped.

Six guards carrying wooden spears answered the call.

“Take these men to the cell under my house.”

The brothers gasped in fright. One called out, “We just want grain! Not trouble!”

Joseph stood firm, unmoved by their entreaties.

Asenath closed the curtains as the guards rounded the men up.

It’s revenge. Well they do deserve it. But Joseph told me he forgave them. I guess when push comes to shove…

She stole a peak at him. He continued business like nothing had happened.

Answers. I need answers.


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Thu Oct 09, 2014 2:49 am
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ThereseCricket wrote a review...



Hi! Cricket here for a review!

Ah, the famine has come at last. I was wondering how you might be doing this. Looking at it from just the perspective of someone who has never ever known what it's like for something to be really lacking, it was shown well that food and the necessities of life were in fact lacking right now. Only due to Joseph being told by God were they spared from the hardship of not having food, but even then... your small example of Asenath drinking the water was very well done. It showed that even though they had food and water, they still were lacking.

What I'm now curious about are these 10 men that Asenath saw Joseph conferring with. Now, when I first read that they were coming up and stuff, I was like duhhh, they're his brothers. No question about it really. But I didn't like how obvious Asenath made it to the readers that they are in fact his brothers. It didn't add to the suspense at all, and raise our curiosity. I for one, would like to see it to where, they come, they buy food, Asenath is left wondering who these men are, and then later on in the book she discovers who they are. I mean, why on earth would she grab onto the fact that these are Joseph's brothers sooo quickly? There has to be several groups from different countries, not to mention she doesn't know much about his family it seems. She wouldn't have the slightest idea what they look like as well. At least not in my opinion she wouldn't.

So yeah... I'd think dragging it out would add to the story and make the readers much more curious about what is going to be happening in the future.

The dust flew about stinging his eyes.


I think you mean her eyes.

“shh”ing


In these two instances when you use double quotation marks, only apostrophes are necessary. In the final edit, it would be good if you just had someone read through to make sure that none of these little nuisances stand out at all. :D

“Even in this famine, we have been blessed.”


I do like this line... but somehow-I just don't. It doesn't make much sense to me really. I mean, yes they have been blessed. But weren't they before? And I would typically think that they would be talking about the food and water before, instead of Oni and the slaves. (If I recall correctly that is)

Facial hair does not look good on him.


I'm going to die laughing now

Their faces, though much older, had an uncanny resemblance to Joseph’s! She drew back the curtains for a moment.


How far away from Joseph is she stranding? These men will be dirty, covered in sweat, not to mention their faces might be shadowed from their headdress (if they have any that is). I for one think that you could maybe remind us about right there, how far away they are, and maybe a little bit more on how they're positioned? :D Would be awesome if you did.

He never says that?


I think it would be more appropriate here, if she just said something along the lines of: He has never said that before!. Or something like that.

Alright, so now the actual plot begins to unfold! Or should I say what everything has been leading up to. We now know that his brothers are here and he now has them all into custody. I'm rather curious as to how they will be treated now. Dungeon, or treated as guests? Eh? It wouldn't sound like Joseph actually to put them in the dungeon, really. He sounds too gentle most of the time to do harm to anybody. But he still comes off as just sounding to you anyway. Nicely done. And Chapter 27 here I come!:D

Keep writing!

~Cricket




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Sun Aug 31, 2014 4:31 pm
Wolfi wrote a review...



Happy Review Day!!!

Wolfie is here again to represent Team Reviewing is the New Black!

Part 2 or 3 (if it’s part 3 then I’ll have to figure out where to put part 2)

Ooooh! I also thought that you meant a part of a chapter, but I see that your reply to r4p says that this is the second/third part of the book. Cool! :D

Even the sky was a hazy brown. The sun beat down,

I really liked what you did with your words in this paragraph with the imagery and descriptions of the trees and sky. However, in these two sentences, brown and down just happen to rhyme. Usually, that's perfectly fine, but it just stood out to me in this sentence. I would recommend finding a replacement for brown. Brown is, anyway, a dull word to be used, even though it fits well with "hazy." Here are some recommendations:
-Bronze
-Ginger
-Rust
-Nutmeg
-Auburn
-Copper
-Dust
-Hazel
-Tawny
-Russet
There are a lot of synonyms for brown. Using one of them not only adds flavor to your writing; it can successfully describe the exact hue of brown that you're thinking of. You'll probably want to change the word "hazy," too, or omit it, since "hazy hazel" doesn't exactly work out very well.

His bare ab muscles rippled as he stroked his straight black goatee.

This literally made me laugh out loud. (:

I think I know what is going to happen! His brothers are coming back, aren't they?

Yes, Wolfie, yes they are!

She stole a peak at him.

I found one that r4p did not! I don't think that Asenath wanted to steal the top of a mountain from him.

Okay, this story is getting really exciting now.

You chose a good place to initiate the time gap, I think. I'm so happy for Asenath's mother! In a way, she has seven grandchildren, and in the last chapter she only had one!

Something about this chapter was really good. I'm so excited to read the next one now!

Image




Aravis10 says...


Wolfie!!! I was afraid you might not make it today. Thank you for your suggestions, especially the "brown" synonyms! I will try to use those in this chapter and in my other chapters as I begin editing soon.



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Tue Aug 26, 2014 6:47 pm
r4p17 wrote a review...



Knight r4 her to review this work, Aravis! I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this, but I have at last come charging to the rescue of this work mounted atop my valiant steed, Sawyer. (KotGR charade;). Anyhoots. Here I am to review! I certainly hope that this will help you!!!

I am a little confused by the thing at the very top this is a new chapter, not part of another one right?

The was not even a relief.
I believe you left out a word here. If not you misspelled it. But it sounds a little too repetitious.

Either we make it at this speed or we won’t. “
Somehow the quotation mark was disconnected from the rest of the sentence. :P

trying to look to old for stories.
You have two too many "to's" here. :P Aka, you need to change the second one to "too". I just had to say that. :)

“I went to see Khenemetneferhedjet.”
Is that a real name or did you just make it up? Also I thought that the son of the one pharaoh enslaved the people. *Is confused*

“Two deben for gold for your grain,”
If I were you I would try to find the actual currency of the time and change the first "for" to "of. or "in". I think that was a mistake on your part.

Joseph yelled. “Why are you lying?!
I believe you need a comm here! not a period, at least if you want it to flow well, that is.

Twelve brother? How many brothers did Joseph have?
Just a simple typo. You need to put an "s" on the end of "brothers". :)

“It’s just like I said-spies.”
I believe you meant to put a "—", though I believe it should be an ellipse like this "..." with a space after it.

Dun, dun dun! Suspense! I see you have discovered it! Alas! I hope it isn't too late to save you! I have met a person on here who is addicted to it. Don't follow her way! Please! Listen to me before it is too late!!!

Overall, aside from the suspense this was a good chapter. There were a few too many errors for my liking, but those can be fixed. The only thing I can complain about is the huge gap in time between chapter 25 and this one. ;) I thought that you should fill in a little more of what happened in between the three or four year gap. Maybe at some time you could have a flashback or something. That's all I have. Happy writing!!! :D

This review courtesy of
Image




Aravis10 says...


This is part 2/3 of the whole book. This is indeed a separate chapter. Yes, that is the real name of the wife of Senusret 2. Also there was a very large gap between Joseph's time and the time of Israel's slavery. That was the currency of the time. Bartering was more popular, but since the Bible says that the brothers paid in money, I used the less popular but also relevant method of weights in gold (or silver). Wait. I'm confused. The thing you said about suspense- is suspense good or bad? Or was that sarcasm? If it was, I'm sorry for asking such a silly questions. Some of my friends say that I wouldn't know sarcasm if it hit me in the face. But I'm getting better! I think....Anyways, thank you again for the review!



r4p17 says...


Okay. I wondered if you meant the whole book.

Also, I looked for the definition of the currency and couldn't find it so I assumed it didn't exist. :P

Suspense is good and bad. ;) I just hate it when I am reading a book!!! :) so it was sort of sarcasm.

And you are welcome! ;)



Aravis10 says...


Ah! I see what you mean! When I read it to my sister, she was always like "This is horrible!" Then I would feel bad. But she would explain that is was just the suspense. So it makes sense. :)




Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
— Corrie Ten Boom