I’m the light
The pure and kind
The one who cares
The guardian angel of your life
~
Here
In heaven
We all smile
And guide you
To the right path
~
Here is warm…
~
I’m the darkness
The scary and hateful
The one who doesn’t care
About you at all
~
I’m the devil
~
Here
In hell
We are cursed
And will swallow you up whole
Into this infinitely dark hole
~
Here is deeply hot and cold…
~
We are one
We are apart
The two lost parts of our lives
We’re Yin Yang
Different but one
We could all get along
Body and Soul
~
We are one
We are apart
The two lost parts of our lives
We’re Yin Yang
Different but one
We could all get along
We are you…
~
We’re dark and light…
~
I’m the happiest
I’m the gentlest
The one who loves you…
~
Here
In heaven
The day is bright
The sun shines
In that slight blue sky
~
I’m the most dangerous
I’m the most disastrous
The one who hates you the most
~
Here
In hell
The night is cold
But the flames are boiling us out through…
The ground
~
I look down
Down…
To that different world…
~
I look up
Up to that white shiny small hole…
Is that world…
~
We are one
We are apart
The two lost parts of our lives
We’re Yin Yang
Different but one
We could all get along
Body and Soul
~
We are you…
~
Walking down these heavenly secure stairs
Walking up these hellish and falling broken stairs
~
Going down to that world
Going up through this hole
~
And ascend…
And descend…
~
To Earth
~
We are one
We are apart
The two lost parts of our lives
We’re Yin Yang
Different but one
We’re now together
As one
~
Now we are one…
~
We are one
We are apart
The two lost parts of our lives
We’re Yin Yang
Different but one
We’re now together
As one…
~
As Body and Soul…
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Fiery Salutations
Right from the beginning, I like the fact that you chose a meaningful topic for your lyrics - so many people choose to write love songs or motivational songs nowadays, and though I do not have anything against those particular types of songs, they are being overused, and let me tell you, not all of them are written and/or performed satisfyingly.
The only problem I have with reviewing lyrics on YWS, is that they are only the lyrics. What makes a song popular is partly due to the words, because a song with a message is always stronger, but it is not always required - as many examples of today's popular music have showed. No, for a song to be popular, the harmony and the rhythm must complement the melody, but underestimating these aspects would be disasterous, for often they make what would otherwise have been a cacophony, a very popular hit. This is why I shan't be referring to these during my review.
I like your first two verses, but I think it is smart of you to make the third a single line. Obviously it will be emphasised in the song itself, but here, it also indicates change.
I understand what you had meant with the underlined word, but when used incorrectly, it ruins your imagery, so instead of using a noun, use an adjective: "infinitely dark"
Is freaking really the best adverb of which you could think? Rather change it to something more appropriate; when writing about such a serious topic, you must try to use more sophisticated vocabulary.
A chorus - yay!
Firstly, the adjective into should be in, and secondly, the shade of blue which refers to the sky is known as azure.
hell should be hellish.
I very much like your lyrics. It is a refreshing read, and I find it highly inspirational. Well done, and I hope to hear these over the radio one day.
by Team Silver.
Hi hi James. I corrected the mistakes you found. About the adverb "freaking" I wanted the devil part to be a bit rude but I changed it to "deeply". I think it's a good adverb because when we think of Hell usually a place deep under the planet appeares in our mind. What do you think about it?
By the way, thank you for enjoying these lyrics!
Yes, your replacement is much better.
Thank you
Hi, ABarros. This is Pinkieishere1345 here. I like to review this work of yours as I tried my best on it.
You are great song-writer! I hope to read more from you. Well, see you next time.
I have to say this...well, you did an amazing job on this in your first day! Are you sure you need to be improve on this site? Because this song, it seems more like you don't need any improvement on here. I enjoyed the rhymes of this song. It really flows while I read it. You made an amazing piece of art in this site!
Good Job!
Love,
Pinkieishere1345
Thank you! I will update more songs, don't worry
I'm happy you liked my work.
Hello ABarros!
Looks like this might be your first published work on here, and it's excellent! I can imagine it as a song, I like how you transition, in such a way that they blend into each other. In the way you write it, they really are one and the same. I can't wait to see more of your work!
~Kelpies.
P.S. If you have any questions about YWS feel free to ask! I don't mind.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this poem/song. I appreciate your help. Thank you again!