Young Writers Society

This is pretty interesting. I like the storyline of Sharon being forgotten by everybody because it has the potential to be fantasy-like with some sort of magic spell but it could also be a more realistic plot. These possibilities make this work very exciting.
I'd love to read how this amnesia has occurred and why someone would do this to her. I like the way you turn the 'amnesia' plot on its head to give your work a fresh touch. Whatever way this goes, it's bound to be a good read, so keep going.
I have to agree that this is a little short but, as long as it's good, I don't mind. I can also see why people have said about jumping to conclusions but, as a first chapter, this is really interesting, so I'll definitely have a look at any more of this that you publish.
Hope to be reviewing you more soon.
Bella

Hey! Thought I'd give you a short review before doing your next chapter. So, this is a very interesting idea, and I think this is a great start to your story. I do have a couple complaints though. First, it's a little short to be a chapter. For me, this would be like, maybe half of a chapter, probably even closer to a third of it. I don't know, though, maybe I just write long chapters. But I still suggest you make this chapter longer or make it Part One of Chapter One. Next, I think you had Sharon jump to the conclusion "No one remembers me." too quickly. I mean, one class and her parents. Maybe put someone else in the hall that forgets her or something. Anyway, I like the first person point of view for the story. There were a couple places that had a grammar error like capitalization or punctuation. Like the one at the end:
"Getting up and grabbing my bag. I left the room and walked down the hall. At the first sentence, that should be a comma instead of period. I can't remember where the other errors are. I love your idea, and can't wait to read more!

This sounds like a good story as a start. I just have a few things to say when it comes to editing and stuff like that. Here:

"Well, aren't you energetic this morning?" my mom called from the kitchen. If the sentence continues after the dialogue, the next letter must be lowercased unless it's a name.

"Look, kid, I don't know..."

Confused, I responded slowly, "Yes, you do..."

"I don't have time, Mom. I gotta go to school." When words like mom, dad, grandma, etc, are used as names, you have to uppercase the first letter of them.

"This is no prank, kiddo."

"Never seen her in my life. Must have transfered today," replied Marcus.

"I really don't know you," he stated with a soft chuckle backing his words.

Hey there! Lefty here to review!

First off, I think the reversed amnesia is a great idea. Not so cliche. It's a good start and I'm intrigued to know why everyone forgot her and what she will do next. It makes sense that she didn't just believe it right off the bat and had to go through some people before really believing something wasn't right. It was more realistic. The reactions of the other characters were right on and just from the way each character responded I got a feel for the kind of person they are. You grammar is great and your sentences flow smoothly/sound natural! You explained things very clearly and I could see it in my head almost as if it were a movie! Kudos to you!

I like the first line, it's a good way to start it. The sentences after that were good too, but I felt like it could have been cut down a little or at least changed slightly.

I sat up and looked around my room, blinking quickly in the bright light. I lifted up my blanket and turned on the bed, setting my feet on the soft, curling carpet. I sat for a minute, considering life or something. I don’t remember. Then I stood up, pulled on my clothes, grabbed my backpack, and went to the door of my room. Opening the door and trudging down the short, narrow hallway. I raced down the stairs, letting the momentum take me faster and faster. Then stopped quickly at the bottom of the flight.

Hello and welcome to YWS!

This is a quirky idea for a story. Most stories seem to deal with a single character getting amnesia and working to remember who they are, but in your case you decided to write about a single character who remembers everything like normal--but no one else remembers her!

The only thing I can think of off the top of my head that did anything like this was a Liam Neeson movie called "Unknown." In that case, it turned out that people had actually not forgotten him--there was a whole explanation for it. If you're going to dive into this sort of thing, I'd suggest watching it to get one example of how it can be done. Your story will go its own way, of course, but it's always a good idea to read/watch things from the genre you're writing in so you can learn what works and what doesn't.

It's rated PG-13, so make sure that's okay with your parents before you watch.

Now, my suggestion for the actual story so far is: don't be afraid to slow it down. I don't mean to slow down the action--you don't want it to get boring! However, we get some good mystery/suspense right at the beginning, when Sharon's mother doesn't know who she is. We move from there into her friends not remembering her, her classmates not remembering her, and then her teacher not remembering her--all in one short chapter. It leaves the reader feeling breathless as they try to keep up.

What you could do is take each of these interactions and turn it into an entire scene--or even an entire chapter--by itself. Think about these things:

1. What does Sharon feel when people don't recognize her? Not only her emotions, but physical reactions. For example, when you are afraid you might break into a sweat, feel cold and clammy, or tremble. How does Sharon's body react to people not recognizing her?

2. Even though people don't recognize her, Sharon is still there. For example, she woke up in her own bedroom. How do people react to her things still being there, when they don't know who she is? Or can they not see her things, i.e. if her mom went upstairs she would see the bedroom as a spare guest bedroom?

3. What do the characters look like? You have a lot of action going on, but very little description. Show us what Sharon, her parents, her friends, and her teacher look like. Show us the weather. Is there anything unusual, other than the fact that nobody remembers Sharon? Is anything else wrong with the world? This could be something as simple as a friend not wearing a friendship bracelet Sharon once made for her, or something complex that affects the whole plot.

The awesome thing about this is that it's really easy to take a lot of action, slow it down, and draw it out into something longer. All you have to do is figure out the emotions and descriptions of the characters involved and then add them in. It's much harder if you have the opposite problem of no action--so you definitely have a good start. It gives you a lot to work with.

Once again, welcome, and if you've got any questions about the site, feel free to bug those of us with usernames in green or orange--we're moderators.

Blue

Hey author! Im angel

I loved your thought and idea going throughout this whole chapter! No errors that i saw, good job! I hope you keep going with the chapters. I can't wait to read more!

~angel

Hey Author! This is Pink for a review!

I love the plot! It's a great plot! The whole "Reverse Amnesia" is good! You did a good job of the character's reaction to Sharon. I also loved how you subed the cursing and such! Great job! It intrigued me a lot! I didn't see any grammatical errors, so that is fine. I loved your first chapter and I can not wait until your next chapters! I'm excited.

Best wishes! Have a great day!

Tootles,
Pink(: