Wings
are (unsurprisingly) hard to get used to. They make any kind of comfortable
sitting impossible and stick out at awkward angles; I’m constantly stretching
them out and folding them back in, a difficult feat with only about a foot of
wing-room. Even though I know nobody on the subway can see me, I still blush and
mutter apologies every time I shake my plumy feathers back into place. These
aren’t even those cutesy little cherub wings you see fluttering on dusty
plaster busts at your local cathedral; oh no, these are one hundred percent
bona fide angel wings, twelve feet wide and clearly not designed for boxy
subway seats.
I check my watch, and then realize
it’s not there. That stoner teen at the apartment complex must have snatched it
off me when he got the chance. Kid had the stickiest fingers I’d ever seen! I
chuckle dryly and then stop. That wasn’t funny. None of this is. Sighing, I
pull out a rumpled map of the subway systems. Not that it’s going to do me any
good, at this rate. I have no idea where I’d get off, and even if I did, I
couldn’t leave the train.
If
the newspapers the stoic commuters clutch are accurate, I have been here for
just over two weeks. I tried sleeping at first, but I figured I lost that
privilege when I gained these useless wings. I don’t remember a whole lot about
the night I appeared here. There was a blaring horn, the screech of rubber on
concrete, and an intense fiery pain before my vision faded away. I have
a vague sense of a vast brightness, suspending me gently for maybe seconds,
perhaps eons. The next thing I knew, I was lying supine on the coarse subway
carpet, face to toe with a pair of Nike sneakers. The first few days I spent
flinging my body against the imperceptible barrier between me and the bustling
station outside. No one seemed to notice me, even if I accidentally buffeted
them in the face with my blundering pinions. I spent hours screaming
obscenities into their faces or throwing discarded pens at their heads, to no
avail. When I came to terms with my ethereal existence, I simply lounged about,
staring at graffiti-streaked tunnels and listening to tourists ramble loudly
into their cell phones.
On this particular day, I’m reading the
poster ads across the aisle for the fifth time in a row. Nothing special; the
millionth Iron Man movie, featuring the guy himself punching the utter crap out
of an alien spaceship, a half-naked
model using the newest smart phone, a friendly reminder to get your annual flu
vaccine, and a shot of perfection in the form of Luigi’s never-ending pasta
bowl and breadsticks. My mouth waters for the taste of food again. I guess no
one ever said being dead was easy.
I’m
so rapt on the succulent noodles (for only $7.00 on Mondays!) I don’t notice
the subway carriage rumble to a halt, and a girl perch on the seat opposite me,
until her head blocks my view. I glance down to meet her forget-me-not blue
eyes and I nearly choke on my own saliva. I know
those eyes. So blue…I wrack my brain, trying to remember.
She’s probably around sixteen, with
a messy oak-brown hair that barely reaches past her sharp chin. Flurries of
freckles dapple her face and arms. She’s wearing a white tank top declaring her
love for New York, but the red heart has been mostly rubbed off. A stained pair
of baggy cargo pants hangs loosely off her narrow hips, even with the thin
black belt. I watch her erratically fold and unfold her skinny forearms,
mirroring the movements of my wings. Her incredibly blue eyes flick from face
to face, to the ground and up to the windows. Every once in a while, their
piercing intensity grazes my own body and it almost seems as though she knows
I’m there, for just a second, and then they race off again, like mice evading
an unseen predator. Four stops later, the girl rises from her seat and walks
stiffly to the door. On a whim, I follow after her, forgetting the barrier. I’m
on the concrete outside before I realize it. The ghostly force has disappeared.
I
only pause for a moment in wonderment, but already the girl is lost in the
crowd. I curse lavishly, trying in vain to locate her. A tidal wave of speeding
bodies surges past me, forcing my extended wings back. That’s when I realize
they might not be useless after all.
I
bend my knees and propel myself upwards with as much force as I could muster.
My pearly appendages beat the stale air instinctively and I rise above the
hubbub effortlessly. I feel my deadened heart flutter for the first time in
forever. Flight: what a concept. Maybe it was worth giving up basic human
pleasures for this stunning sense of weightlessness. I let myself tumble and
swoop up to the vaulted ceiling. When I reach a satisfactory vantage point, I
hastily scan the lively throng. There! The girl’s brown locks are
bobbing swiftly towards the escalator, pushing against the crowd’s bustling
flow. I soar smoothly overhead and alight on the step behind her. Once we reach
the surface, she sets off again, striding purposely down the cracked sidewalk.
The fresh air hits my nostrils sharply, and even though I seem to have no need
for oxygen anymore, I inhale deeply. There’s nothing like a chilled twilight
breeze after spending two weeks in a stifling subway carriage.
I
gradually become aware of four or five greasy teenage boys that have been
trailing us for the past couple blocks. I look at the girl and, by her obvious
tension, it appears she’s noticed them too. She glances back hurriedly and
makes an abrupt turn into a cramped alleyway. The boys angle after her. One of
them, a bulky kid with neon green gages and a wife-beater, catcalls lowly. The
girl keeps walking, muscles taut. He laughs harshly, drawing away from the
other boys and towards the girl. Striding in sync with her, he slyly slips a
thick arm around her slight waist. At
this, she whirls around, and punches him square in the nose with surprising
force. He doesn’t even flinch.
“You
gonna play like that, huh, sweetheart?”
The
boy grabs her wrists before she has a chance to react. The other boys jeer
cruelly, surrounding the girl at their leader’s request. She struggles against
his iron grasp, squirming like a kitten in a bulldog’s mouth. She tries to
scream, but one of the cronies clamps a meaty palm over her lips.
I
try in vain to stop them, but I appear separated from their world by an
invisible, impenetrable veil. I can’t touch them; I can’t yell out for help, I
can’t save the girl that seems so familiar to me.
That’s
when it comes back to me. Ten years ago, a homeless woman and her daughter
walked into a clinic where I worked as a receptionist, begging for my help. The
mother was withering away, her frail body racked with sickness. I knew she
wasn’t going to last long, not like this. But, perhaps against my better
judgment, I forbade her from seeing the doctor. She obviously didn’t have the
money, and people like that just kept coming back for more. Medicine is
expensive, and I had no desire to waste any on someone who couldn’t pay for it.
She was so sick, but I forced her back onto the street with no cure. I remember
the little girl’s eyes as they left, huge and wet and so very, very blue. I saw
the woman’s face only once more, being zipped into a body bag on the news as
part of a story about the dangers of influenza. The little girl was no doubt left
alone in this unforgiving metropolis. I never saw those sapphire eyes again.
Not until now.
“I’m
sorry!” I scream. “I am so, so sorry!”
With a roar of outrage, I slam bodily into the girl’s
attacker. The veil is broken. He releases her and collapses on the solid
cement. The rest of the gang stare slack jawed at me, eyes wide with horror. I
must be a terrifying presence, eyes blazing, teeth bare, and luminescent wings spreading
broadly, threatening to take over the dank space. “Leave!” I command. “Leave now, and never touch her again, or I swear you'll never get away alive!” They jump to their feet as one, scattering into the
night like so many insects scuttling out from a freshly overturned rock. I
start after them, but I realize they aren’t the ones that need my attention
right now.
The
girl cowers on the ground, sobbing silently. Her shirt is torn, and her belt
missing, but she is relatively unharmed, at least physically. I don’t think
she’s seen me, and somehow, I don’t think she ever will. I kneel, leaning
silently over her skinny body and I lay my hefty wing tenderly over her back.
“I’m
sorry,” I whisper. “I know why I’m here, and I won’t abandon you. Not again.”
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