Young Writers Society

Hello IDontKnowMaybeSo! This is icannothearthings for a short review. Happy review day!

This was a really interesting essay! I'll start off with a few nitpicks and move on to some more general reviewing:

"We often want to look at the bright of things or to ignore a problem we face, but this isn't always the most productive thing to do." I just wanted to say that this is an amazing first line and is completely perfect for you essay. (Sorry if I'm a creep . . .)

"I realize that Night is a powerful, well written book but I would not use it in class." There should be a comma between "book" and "but". So the new line would be, "I realize that Night is a powerful, well written book, but I would not use it in class."

" Are we aiding students if we refuse to give them a dose a reality? " I think the second "a" should be an "of", so the new line would be " Are we aiding students if we refuse to give them a dose of reality? "

"Things like this happen today and we can’t wait quietly hoping they will pass." Again, there should be a comma between "today" and "and", so the new line would be "Things like this happen today, and we can’t wait quietly hoping they will pass."

"Is abortion not an American Holocaust? Do we not kill thousands of unborn children? This is yet, another controversy." I don't think you should put this in your essay, but your just adding to essay in a negative way, I think the reader only has enough time to focus on one argument.

"So when a child finally does see, do will shield their eyes, tell them words meant to distract, or do we let them stare reality in the face?" I think you need to change "will" to "we", so the line is "So when a child finally does see, do we shield their eyes, tell them words meant to distract, or do we let them stare reality in the face?"

"Avoiding such topics as the horror of the Holocaust and the actuality of the deaths that occurred because of it is is not helping." You said "is" twice. Take one out, so the line is "Avoiding such topics as the horror of the Holocaust and the actuality of the deaths that occurred because of it is not helping."

"People remember and we aren't doing them justice by denying that these horrible things did happen." There should be a comma between "remember" and "and", so the line is "People remember, and we aren't doing them justice by denying that these horrible things did happen."

"Yes, it’s deplorable, but good things can come out of it as well. We see how Elie grows through his struggles as well." You say "as well" twice in two sentences. Try changing one of them to something else instead.

"It happens and we do we need to be informed, because if we are going to learn to prevent it, to overcome it, and try to stamp it from our lives we have to know how." There should be a comma between "happens" and "and", so the new line is "It happens, and we do we need to be informed, because if we are going to learn to prevent it, to overcome it, and try to stamp it from our lives we have to know how."

(Also, it is a bit of a run-on sentence. You could try to break it down a bit.)

Aside from that, this was an amazing essay! I haven't even read the book, ad I completely understand where you're coming from and why you're saying this. I also love the fact that you wrote to Ms. Umbridge!

I thought this was a great essay.

VIVA LE VERDE AND HAPPY REVIEW DAY FROM ICANNOTHEARTHINGS!!!!!!!

This essay does make a valid point. Though I may be biased, considering I read and enjoyed Night in school, I do believe Night to be very important piece of literature that everyone should be exposed to at one point or another. However, this essay does have a few minor fluency errors as well as a few grammatical errors. Firstly, I would like to point out that when writing a formal essay, one must be sure to include quotations inside sentences, so that they have a better flow. I don't know whether or not this essay was supposed to be in first person or not, but generally formal writing and essays uses third person. In addition to this, in formal writing, it is best not to use conjunctions (it also lengthens your word count!) there should also be little Also, there are a few spelling errors and well as a few fragments. For example, at the end of your fourth paragraph you write "then he did." This is a fragment, and can be easily fixed. Other than these few, minor errors, the essay really does discuss an important topic, and I believed it to be very good. I'm sorry if it seems like I found more negatives than positives, however, I really feel this essay has a very strong point.

Sorry, I couldn't indent. I have a stubborn computer.