z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

John's Quest~Chapter Two

by r4p17


John woke to the smell of tea. He lifted the lids of his eye bye a centimeter and saw he was prostrate on the ground of a meadow. An old man with a staff in one hand and a cup in another stood towering over him. The old man had the hood of his cloak up so his face was covered. He looked down kindly at John who recoiled at the sight of him. He must have struck me with his staff as I ran away. By the look of his tattered clothing he is probably some old crotchety hermit.

"Hullo." The hermit spoke in the same deep smooth tone John remembered. "It seem like the company of an old man as I am does seem appealing to you. I had to put a spell on you so you wouldn't get away." A spell what is this man? He must be crazy. The old man seemed to soften and his forehead wrinkled. "I suppose you have never heard of a spell before have you." John wasn't sure whether he should answer or not, but the old man continued before he could say anything. "No matter. All will be explained in good time. But for know try some of this tea."

John cautiously took the cup and sniffed it. It smells alright but how do I know I can trust this man. He says he put a spell on me and yet he now acts as if he wants to help me! I am totally confused. I won't have anything the man offers me until I know more about him. I'll play it safe.

"I'd rather not. You are a stranger after all. I have never seen you or this place before."

"Never seen the place?" The man said incredulously. "Isn't this the meadow where you saw these horses and climbed that maple tree over there? You saw my house from it did you not?"

John was amazed. How could this man know I have been here and seen his house or at leas the smoke from it? Is he a sorcerer? He does look like one now I think of it! Why else would he live in a place like this away from civilization and seemingly know so much of what is going on.

"If you think there is poison in the tea you are wrong. The tea has herbs that counteracts the weak spell I laid on you. Now come, let talk of more important things. I'm here to help, John."

"How do you know my name?" John asked furiously, rising to his feet. "Are you a sorcerer?"

"In a way, yes, though not in the way you are thinking of. I am a wizard. But that isn't that important. What is important is...well no. How do you think you came here." John shrugged.

"How should I know. I just woke up by a stream a few miles away from here. I wandered and eventually came to this clearing. I thought it was strange that there were two fine horses left in this pasture with no guardians in sight. I decided to climb a tree and see if I could find a cabin where the owner of the horses lived. I hoped he might give me directions to civilization."

"It was a good thing you saw that smoke." The old man replied. All of a sudden his face lit up as if he remembered something. "Well I suppose you have been wondering who I am? My name is Renalf." The man's green eyes sparkled. Inside of his hood as he gazed at the horses. "I a the owner of these two beasts. I bred them in the past but now I have retired from the business. But come. We have spent enough time here it is past two O'clock. We must be off at once. There is not much time left. You ride Sawyer and I'll ride Mist."

"I don't see any reason for hurry if you are just taking me to the nearest village. Or are you?"

"You shall know soon enough but there is no time to explain things in full now. Haste! Haste!"

"What is the hurry. I don't understand." John was totally confused. "What's going on, Renalf?"

"I do not know exactly, and what I do I don't have time to tell you. But we need to get to the town of Trewant as fast as possible. Now come with me!" With that Renalf grabbed John and hauled him onto the back of a Sawyer, a black gelding. John found that the horse was already saddled and loaded with two days of provisions. Well I this may take longer than I thought.

In less than a minute Renalf was seated on his horse, a brown Morgan with sleek, glossy fur. John could tell that the wizard knew his horses well. At least if he takes care of his horses he might take care of me. But I will stay on my guard until I know more about him. I don't trust a man who claims to be a wizard. But what I don't understand is he acts nice enough.

After walking his horse for ten minutes Renalf let Mist break into a lope for a few minutes. John did the same though he barely managed to keep himself in the saddle. Aside from riding horses at camps, such as the one he went on, he had never ridden a horse before. Renalf noticed this and slowed back down to a walk. Well he doesn't know everything about me!

~~~

Just as the sun was about to set Renalf pulled his horse to a halt. They had been heading northeast for hours. The forest gave way to scrubland. Here and there a sod hut rose above the level of the plain with smoke billowing out of it. But the wizard paid no heed to these dwellings. Every half an hour he would teach John to trot and canter. Soon he became used to the jolting and bouncing of Sawyer. He soon developed a bond between the horse. Out on the open plain with no one to keep him company but a bearded man with green eyes, a grey beard, and a tattered white cloak, he became rather lonely. But the presence of Sawyer comforted him.

"You go and collect wood for a fire while I see to the horses." Renalf said as he dismounted with a grunt. "I know of a stream a few minutes away up the path. We can refill our canteens and water our horses there. After that we will cook some food and set up camp." John assented.

John handed Renalf his canteen and the reins of his horse, not caring whether Renalf could be trusted to provide clean water or not. He was too tired. I suppose I could tell if he poisoned my water. I should be able to notice some sort of a difference in taste.

John walked across the plain collecting sticks as he went. They were few and far between. One he collected an armful he walked back and walked off in another direction. By the time Renalf returned John thought he had gathered enough wood to at least start a fire.

"I will have a fire started in no time with this amount of wood." Renalf said. He put his staff in the middle of the pile and a flame ignited. John staggered back in amazement. He had just seen Renalf start a fire using magic. That is unbelievable! How did he do that. He must be able to get things done a whole lot faster than other people! I cannot believe I just saw that. It is incredible!

"Well don't just stand there gaping at the fire! Go collect more wood so we don't run out."

"How did you do that?" John said, ignoring what Renalf said.

"Oh, I just used a little bit of magic." Renalf said simply. "Now go get the wood."

John reluctantly obeyed. He had his doubts about Renalf. He has never told me where we are going or for that matter why we are going there. I don't trust him and his magic. He doesn't seem reluctant to hide it. He has already demonstrated his magic twice. I will have to be careful.

John kept an eye on on Renalf as he went around collecting sticks. The wizard kept himself busy setting up his tent and preparing dinner alternately. He seems to be pretty well prepared. I wonder how he got all those things packed up in the few minutes that I was unconscious. Wait a second. If he already knows my name he may just have known that I was coming! The thought struck John as plausible. Renalf was obviously a wizard based on the fact he could start a fire. It was very possible that in this world, or dimension, he had the ability to tell the future.

When John finished collecting wood and sticks, he brought them into a large pile and threw a few of them onto the fire. He looked over Renalf's shoulder and saw him making some sort of a soup. It smells good enough. John had recovered from the tiring events of the day and began to think clearly again. The thought struck him that maybe the wizard had slipped a poison into the soup. I don't trust that man. But here out in the wilderness there wasn't all that much he could do. He only had a few rolls and some slabs of dried meat in his sack.

"Perhaps this meat would go well in the soup." John offered the wizard. He extended his hand to Renalf. Renalf accepted them gratefully. "The mead was going bad." John continued.

"Ah. I see. I wondered what that strange smell was, though I couldn't figure it out."

"Well, this was probably it." John said chuckling. "I thought I smelled something too!"

Renalf chopped up the slabs of meat into tiny pieces and then dumped it into the pot. As he worked he started talking with John who was setting up his tent and unrolling his blanket.


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351 Reviews


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Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:58 am
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello.
Kanome here with a review for you.

Okay, this is a good chapter so far, but what is the name of this story?
All I see is Chapter One and Chapter Two...

Time for nitpicks:
Okay, you misspelled by in the beginning of the story..

He lifted the lids of his eye by a centimeter...-


Okay, this couple of sentences..
A spell what is this man? He must be crazy.

This is more of a thought that John asked himself, so it should be more like this:

[i]A spell? What is this man? He must be crazy.[i]

In this line, you put a period instead of a question mark.
"How should I know?"...-


When you start a sentence, I think you shouldn't put 'and', 'or', or 'but' as the beginning of the sentence. You should remove the word 'but' from this sentence.
But the wizard paid no heed to these dwellings.


Other than that, this is overall a great story so far.
I can't wait to read more, so keep at it.




r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review Kanome. The name of the story is John's Quest. I guess I assumed people would know the name of the story. That was my bad.

I understand what you mean by not starting sentences with conjunctions though that is just my style. I think that it is alright as long as it refers to the previous sentence. The reason I do it is to break the story up a little bit I guess.

I will correct the errors you found by the way



r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review Kanome. The name of the story is John's Quest. I guess I assumed people would know the name of the story. That was my bad.

I understand what you mean by not starting sentences with conjunctions though that is just my style. I think that it is alright as long as it refers to the previous sentence. The reason I do it is to break the story up a little bit I guess.

I will correct the errors you found by the way



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131 Reviews


Points: 11451
Reviews: 131

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Sun Jun 29, 2014 2:58 am
MaryEvans wrote a review...



I’ll begin with a few nitpicks:

“He lifted the lids of his eye bye a centimeter” oddly specific. No need to say “by a centimetre.”

“he was prostrate on the ground,” Not the word choice I would use, but ok… I guess.
You tend to be a bit repetitive.

Creepy old man. Just creepy. Good reaction to him from the main character. Though I would imagine he’d be even more freaked out.

If you’re stating his thoughts I would make sure it’s clear by making it italics or in quotes or something. Through you shouldn’t really write paragraphs in his own thoughts if this is told in third person. Just say it that he was freaked; he didn’t trust the man and he wouldn’t drink his tea, or whatever he thinks in the later parts.

Reread your dialogue, make sure it flows and is not too wordy.

Are wizards normal to your world? If yes, why was the character so baffled by the old guy putting a spell on him? If not, why did he believe he was a wizard so easily? Most of all, he put a bloody spell on him, I wouldn’t care about anything he says after, I’d run like hell. Unless of course I feel threatened enough or helpless enough to know it wouldn’t help. What I’m saying is I think your character should have more of a shock.

So yeah that’s all I have issues with. Keep the same point of view throughout and straighten up your main character’s reactions. Else nicely written, keep up the good work.




r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review. I think if you were to read the first chapter to answer a few of the questions you raised. John was on earth but somehow he woke up in another world. He is lost and when he tried to run the wizard put a spell on him so running again would be pointless.

The reason the thoughts are not in italics it's because of YWS. I would rather not read through the entire chapter and enter the code for italics whenever I see thoughts. But I think most people will catch on that the character is thinking



r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review. I think if you were to read the first chapter to answer a few of the questions you raised. John was on earth but somehow he woke up in another world. He is lost and when he tried to run the wizard put a spell on him so running again would be pointless.

The reason the thoughts are not in italics it's because of YWS. I would rather not read through the entire chapter and enter the code for italics whenever I see thoughts. But I think most people will catch on that the character is thinking



r4p17 says...


Thanks for the review. I think if you were to read the first chapter to answer a few of the questions you raised. John was on earth but somehow he woke up in another world. He is lost and when he tried to run the wizard put a spell on him so running again would be pointless.

The reason the thoughts are not in italics it's because of YWS. I would rather not read through the entire chapter and enter the code for italics whenever I see thoughts. But I think most people will catch on that the character is thinking




May you never steal, lie, or cheat. But if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows. And if you must lie, then lie with me all the nights of your life. And if you must cheat, then please, cheat death.
— An Unknown Bride, Leap Year