z

Young Writers Society


16+ Violence

An Arrow's Flight - Chapter 1: Rebellion (I of VI)

by BrumalHunter, ThePatchworkPilgrims


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.

Author's Note: This part of the chapter has been edited and revised, so there is a chance previous reviews may no longer be applicable. The authors nevertheless thank the writers of those reviews for their valuable advice.

Chapter One - Rebellion

'Watch out!’

Ioreck ducked as a massive ball of snow hit the white granite walls of Albaster Castle. The ramparts shook and rubble and debris joined the flurry in raining down upon its occupants. Some soldiers were unfortunate enough to have stood too close to the crenels and toppled over. Brushing dust and snow off his cloak, Ioreck scanned his troops; aside from those who had fallen, there were no injuries, and he himself was unharmed. Of course, the snowball’s trajectory had indicated there was no chance it would have hit him, but when an object the size of a small cottage was flying towards you, you tended to take cover anyway.

Every year, just before the thaw came, frost giants decided to besiege the Àlbear Clan. No one knew why the frozen behemoths did so, thus, many stories as to their intentions were told – some believed the frost giants were the creations of a malevolent sorcerer, while others were convinced frost giants had lived on Àlbear soil long before humans did, and wanted revenge for being chased away. The frost giants did somewhat resemble humans, though four storeys tall and with vague facial features, but their intelligence was of a primitive kind, so there was no reasoning with them. Despite their motives, one thing was resoundingly clear: a single frost giant could lay waste to a city, and since eight were within five hundred yards of the city, they had a problem.

The mounted catapult closest to Ioreck was being prepared to hurl a boulder at one of the eight, but Ioreck dashed to it and stopped the engineer before he could.

‘Set it alight first,’ he admonished, picking up a torch, dipping it into a brazier and handing it to the soldier.

The engineer – a boy of about seventeen years – meekly accepted it and set the pitch-covered boulder aflame. Ioreck approvingly followed its flight as it soared through the air, and he could not hide a smile when it made contact. The victim bellowed deafeningly, its death cry echoing across the plain, and collapsed with a heavy thud. All around Ioreck, soldiers cheered.

‘There’s seven left!’ a commander to his right barked, effectively silencing the soldiers. ‘You can cheer when they’re all dead!’ The soldiers resumed their assigned tasks, but the commander still seemed anxious. He lurched towards the closest tower, brushed snow and his grey hair out of his eyes, and estimated the speed of the giants’ approach. ‘At this rate,’ he mumbled to himself, ‘they’ll be on us within the next five minutes…’ Suddenly, he whirled around and lurched back to his original position, calling, ‘Where are those blasted archers!’

Normally, a frost giant siege would be handled with much more composure, but that was when the northern city of Àlkepe was the target; the residing soldiers had long ago grown used to the annual siege, and since it was their only source of action every year, they probably even looked forward to it. Albaster, however, was located in the middle of the clan, so they experienced such threats much less often. Furthermore, Albaster’s curtain walls were only forty feet long (Àlkepe’s having a length of sixty feet), and since the garrison had been woken a mere six minutes earlier, the resulting panic was understandable, if problematic.

Ioreck strode towards the commander and put his hand on the man’s shoulder. ‘You seem tense, Gabrius,’ he joked.

The man named Gabrius was fully dressed in plate armour, save for the helm, just like everyone else, but his cloak identified him as a senior officer. Ioreck was an Àlbear and ruled the clan, so he had an azure cloak with white trim, a rearing, battle-ready white bear in the centre; however, Gabrius was a Grǻsalamander, so his cloak was emerald with yellow trim, a cross in the centre, a flowering shrub behind it and a green salamander on it. The shrub bore the legendary Destiny Flower, and it only grew in the forests far to the east of the Àlbears, not too far from the coast. It was there that the Grǻsalamanders had once lived, but war had driven them to the west, to seek their ally’s protection, and what remained of the once great clan had been the Àlbears’ vassals since.

‘Do I?’ Gabrius sniffed and smiled weakly.

‘We have faced frost giants in the past, and we are still here,’ Ioreck stated matter-of-factly.

‘True, but there is always a first time, and this snow obscuring our visibility is not helping much – every second missile seems to be a miss; those monsters are now no farther than four hundred and twenty yards, so that’s more misses than we can afford.’

‘Well, they still have some distance to go before they reach us,’ Ioreck said reassuringly, ‘and the castle is on a hill, so the last few yards will literally be an uphill battle. Besides, I’m sure the flurry will end soon.’

‘Just as the last one of them drops dead, no doubt. Mark my words.’ Just then, a troop of archers arrived, most of them clutching their bellies and panting. ‘Were you recruits having a tea party?’ Gabrius exclaimed. One of them was about to protest, but Gabrius silenced him with a wave of the hand. ‘Save your excuses for later, just…’

He was interrupted by another gargantuan snowball rocking the ramparts. Ioreck turned around and saw the catapult at which he had been earlier smashed to pieces. The body of the operator, a shattered plank protruding from his chest, was being carried away on a stretcher. Ioreck shook his head – one more letter he’d have to write to a grieving family.

He turned back towards the archers; they were scared witless, and one of them had even wet himself.

‘Really?’ Gabrius was disgusted. ‘Move to the back of the troop, boy; I don’t want your stench clouding my senses.’

The young recruit obeyed the command, his head hung low.

‘Gabrius,’ Ioreck said softly, ‘that was harsh; one should lead through example, not intimidation.’

‘Fair enough,’ Gabrius admitted. He made to say something else, but his eyes lit up with inspiration. He snatched a bow from the nearest archer and offered it to Ioreck. ‘Then lead.’

Ioreck accepted the bow, took the archer’s quiver and approached the parapet. He guessed the nearest frost giant’s distance – three hundred and forty yards – took aim, and fired. The arrow fell short. Undeterred, he nocked another arrow, took aim, and fired once more. That time, the arrow struck true, but it embedded itself in the behemoth’s chest – a useless hit.

‘That’s how it’s done!’ Gabrius roared, despite the failure, and urged the troop closer. ‘Now, ready a volley and follow Lord Ioreck’s lead.’ Another troop of archers arrived, so Gabrius left to instruct them.

Compensating for the frost giants’ reduced distance, Ioreck took aim. ‘Loose!’ he called. One whir was followed by many more as the archers fired, and though many of the arrows hit their mark, they did not slow the giant’s progress by even an inch. The following volley had the same effect, but the third managed to blind the giant. It tripped in front of a comrade, sending both tumbling to the snowy ground.

They struggled to untangle themselves, but the blind giant was in a panic and hindered the other’s rise. Ioreck and his archers watched the scene unfold in stunned silence, forgetting to resume their assault; however, the nearby siege engine operators seized the opportunity. Most of the flaming boulders only succeeded in sending up clouds of snow, but one struck the writhing mass and dispatched both behemoths.

Ioreck could not believe their luck; three frost giants had been slain in a matter of minutes! If they were lucky, they could slay the remaining five before they reached the castle.

Invigorated by that notion, Ioreck rallied his troop and sent another wave of arrows raining down upon the frost giants. By the time they were two hundred yards away, several more volleys had been fired, but to little more effect than enraging the already furious giants. Nevertheless, patience and diligence proved virtues indeed, for after the following volley, one of the frost giants, which by then resembled a porcupine, finally gave in and simply collapsed.

Four down, four to go, and there were one hundred and eighty yards left. Excellent odds. At least the frost giants had abandoned throwing those monstrous snowballs…

As the distance between man and monster grew ever shorter, the desperation in the soldier’s actions heightened. The engineers at the catapults were shaking heavily as they reloaded their siege engines, and the archers behind Ioreck were positively quaking in their boots. Even he could not suppress a tremble in his arms – Ioreck was the last of his line, but others had entire families hiding in the city; it was their loss he feared.

He prayed for deliverance. In response, a horn sounded faintly in the distance.

Not daring to give the soldiers false hope, Ioreck rushed to Gabrius, who was gazing through a spyglass. His brow was furrowed in concentration.

‘Anything?’

Gabrius sighed exasperatedly and lowered the spyglass. ‘No, nothing. You have a go – your sight’s always been the best.’

Ioreck raised the spyglass to his right eye, but the flurry obscured his vision too much. The wind shifted and suddenly he could see a battalion of cavalrymen galloping at full speed towards the giants. One of the riders at the front blew on his horn again, but that time the frost giants heard it. Bewildered, they skidded to a stop and turned around.

Ioreck could have whooped for joy! True, cavalry could only harry the frigid monstrosities at the best of times, but a distraction was exactly what was needed – already, the engineers had felled another giant.

‘Archers, cease fire!’ Gabrius bellowed.

Across the ramparts, officers relayed the order, and the activity quickly died down. Soon, the only sound that could be heard was the groaning of wood as the engineers operated their siege engines; everyone else watched anxiously as the scene below unfolded.

The battalion of cavalrymen had divided into two groups and were harassing the frost giants. Whenever one made to kick them, they simply swerved out of the way and attacked the other leg, similar to a flock of starlings evading a raptor. They continued like that for several minutes, expertly avoiding the deadly kicks, while the giants themselves were struck down one after the other.

When only one remained, the cavalrymen converged once more, but the sole survivor had by then realised what their strategy was. Feinting a kick to the front, the giant swept its leg to the left and sent a couple of the riders flying, provoking a collective gasp from the ramparts. The giant made to crush the fallen riders with its fists, but a flaming boulder struck it square in the back, causing it to sink to its knees instead. It would have collapsed onto the two men on the ground, but their fellow riders pulled them to safety just in time.

Immense cheering erupted and Ioreck found himself joining in the celebration. Horsemen streamed from the gates, and while they were initially shocked at seeing the frost giants defeated already, they quickly recovered and formed an honorary column.

‘The tardy lot,’ Gabrius commented. ‘They literally missed the whole thing.’

‘Then, I suppose we shall simply have to drill them until they can don their armour and mount their horses in their sleep,’ Ioreck proposed good-humouredly.

The two descended the ramparts and were chatting pleasantly, when Ioreck chuckled and pointed out the snowfall had ceased. Gabrius looked up and indeed, the sky was clear.

‘What did I tell you?’


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Deanie wrote a review...



Hey Astral!

I'm sorry this is a bit late, I meant to get to it yesterday, but schoolwork D: I am here now! I will also be reading the rest of this story of course, as soon as I have caught up on my review list as well. There isn't too much for me to say here because I have a feeling you really did polish this one up to perfection! So this will be a short review from me, but hopefully it is still useful to you in some way.

One thing that I liked most of all in this chapter were the descriptions. I love the way you set up the description of the world that this is taking place in already, a place where we know Frost Giant's live and attack at castles and clans. So far we don't know too much about the main characters, but we can understand that they are leaders, allies and friends so far, and I am looking forward to seeing this develop. It's only one part of a whole chapter as well, so I can't write too much about it. It wasn't too long, either ^^ But it was a strong beginning!

The ramparts shook and rubble and debris joined the flurry in raining


In this sentence I felt like there was a bit too much 'and's, so I would take the first one and make it an 'as' instead, because that could also work well there. It would kill the repetition too, so a win win situation.

I wonder, how do they know the giant is dead? When they threw the first fireball I was pretty sure it would kill it, but I was half as sure that the giant would scream and fall over for a bit before getting up again. Which would add even more suspense onto the story, but then might bring it into a direction you don't want to go into either. In the end, what I wanted most of all was to see what gave it away that the giant was surely dead. Remember, the reader has never seen a creature like this, so small things might need to be explained as well.

and this snow obscuring our visibility is not helping much


This sentence came as quite a surprise to me! All through this chapter there was no mention that snow was currently drifting down as they were fighting. Yes, you do mention it obscuring the vision of the telescope, but that is much later on. So for the first half of the chapter we are unaware of this snow. I assumed the only snow around was the snowballs hitting people and things. Which means you need to mention it before, by adding that it is currently falling in a description or when he is talking to someone far away and struggling to make them out because of the snow. A good example of where it could be incorporated would be when he is telling the soldier to alight it. I feel like it could slip right in there.

I thought it was strange that he pulled short and no one laughs. When people are nervous enough to ruin their own trousers in fear, usually people end up laughing at the smallest things in nervous laughter. I liked the way he kind of shrugged off the failure without caring what other people think - it gives us a bit of insight to his personality - but I think there needs to be a bit of mocking going on here or something. Show us that he doesn't even care when soldiers are laughing at him as well.

I wonder... where are all the other people. I mean, we are only seeing soldiers around, but this is supposed to be a heart of a place that doesn't usually have these attacks. There are always going to be people escaping from their homes like they were told not to do to check on the commotion or because the have never seen a frost giant as well. It was hard to grasp that there were more than five people on my mind because you are neglecting the auditory effects you should use. Mention how you could hear weaponry being prepared and the clink as people worked on the catapults and the conversations around. The commanding shouts, the talk and everything. All those little sounds help us paint a better picture of what is happening beyond the main focus in a chapter, which is just as important! Make sure you don't forget it ;)


I really don't have more to say! This was already awesome, and I shall read some more of it when I can. Hope this was beneficial!

Deanie x




BrumalHunter says...


Thank you for the review, Deanie! It was indeed beneficial, and though I shan't be implementing your advice immediately, I shall certainly do so once the first draft has been completed. (My co-author wants me to finish the manuscript before I edit any further. ;) )

I realised that there wasn't enough emphasis when I first reread this part, so I mentioned the "flurry" in the first few paragraphs, as well as Gabrius brushing snow out of his face, but I realise the former can be mistaken for being rubble, and the latter might be too vague. Your suggestion would work perfectly though, so I shall definitely include that.

The "Is it dead?" part is also quite true. In fact, I shall even have a recruit ask that very question. And the nervous laughter is also an excellent point. Thanks for pointing both of those out.

Your last point about the miscellaneous sounds is also true - it seems I focussed too much on sight. I shall definitely take that into consideration when going through the draft again.

Once again, thank you for your detailed review. And congratulations on that purple star!



Deanie says...


Thank you :) I look forward to reading more of this ^^



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Thanks for this honest review! Eventhough you critised this piece into Oblivion, you also gave advice on how to improve the piece. I shall make the necessary adjustments. And yes, I realise that frost giants are a very cliche monster, but please understand that a dragon in the first chapter is too, well, "unrealistic". But make no mistake, we will introduce some less known and "interestinf" species later in the piece. ;-) Thanks once again.



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Thu Jul 10, 2014 9:45 pm
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NerdBird wrote a review...



Hi there! Your friendly neighborhood NerdBird here for a review!

Unfortunately, I must agree with Squall on this one.
All action and no back story makes for a dull piece(bizarely) but that being said, that doesnt make the action itself boring. We just need to be given more.

Description is skimmed over, the main characters of the piece appear to be having more of a laid back chat rather than focusing on fighting. (Iorek seems very laid back but two laid back commanders is certainly bad for an army, I'd make his companion a little more stern in his wording and actions)

The dialogue is very boring. Certain characters have certain voices, and finding those voices can make even the blandest stretches of dialogue interesting. At the moment, each character sounds the same. Listen to your characters! :)

And the major point behind everything here is the back story. As Squall said, why, why why?
Tell us the details that we can't guess for ourselves :)

THe only insightful segment of text was this:

Said individual appeared precisely at that moment, carrying the desired planks, bandage roll and ale. His hair was invisible in the storm, it having turned prematurely grey at the age of thirty-six. Following Ioreck’s father’s sudden death three years after the Grǻsalamanders had arrived seeking permanent refuge, Gabrius had begun tutoring Ioreck in herbology, archery and history. Ioreck regarded him as a second father, though perhaps, his being Ioreck’s senior only by four years, it would have been more appropriate to view him as an elder brother.


And unfortunately, due to its length and placement, it doesn't belong with the rest of the scene at all. This sort of detail needs to be integrated into each section if possible and a lot more watered down! Drip feed us details, dont drown us :)

I hope this helped JamesHunt!
^-^




BrumalHunter says...


It seems that this chapter is wanting, so I shall certainly be discussing this with my co-author; however, the action is there to gain the reader's attention, and I must insist that the reason behind an event cannot be revealed immediately. That does not mean it can never be supplied, so I shall do what I can do provide more insight.

I must also stress that certain things will only make sense later in the novel. Nevertheless, action for the sake of action alone is not at all acceptable, so I shall revise this work soon.

I thank you for your critique, and I also applaud you for providing criticism without being insulting, but rather polite. I shall return the favour as soon as I can.



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Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:12 pm
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Squall wrote a review...



Hey there.

‘Oh, let them cheer, Gabrius,’ Ioreck said, ‘it keeps their morale up.’


If Gabrius is intended to be one of those laid back characters, then I actually quite like this dialogue.

The commander turned to look at him. ‘They may celebrate, my lord,’ he said, ‘but they must keep the tempo moving.’


Hmm. This is a battle right? I can accept people cheering if they've done something major towards winning the battle, but I think it's really redundant to tell them they have to keep the tempo moving.

Overall impressions:

So I didn't bother doing a line by line of the rest of the chapter, coz in all honesty, I started skim reading half way through this. Why you make ask? Your entire chapter was just straight up action, there was no back story, no explanation as to why ice giants are attacking the castle, who the characters are etc etc. Just straight up action. So there was no actual reason for me to even be reading the chapter that closely.

For a chapter that's entirely action, your descriptions are OK, but needs some polishing. A lot of it is flat. You tend to just bluntly talk about as to what's happening, like a play by play instead of using the senses to invoke some sort of mood. So it makes for a pretty hollow read.

Your dialogue is really flat too. Some of it is just them giving an order or instruction, some of it is just something not that interesting, like a thank you etc. The dialogue is flat, simply because it doesn't give insight to the characters or the story. It's just stuff said simply for the sake of it. The only bit of dialogue that seems to hint at characterization is when Ioreck tells the lord to allow them to cheer, as it'll boost their morale. That seems to suggests Ioreck being more of a laid back type of character, but sadly you didn't build on that further.

So with your descriptions, you should also use them to characterize your characters, not just to tell the action piece by piece. Who is Ioreck and what is he wearing? How does he interact with other people? What are his mannerisms like? Does he act all overconfident and stuff towards his enemies? Or does he take a more careful approach? Etc etc.

The biggest problem though is there's just no story behind all this action. Why are they fighting? Who are the enemies? Who are these characters, and why they are making a stand? Why are ice giants raiding the castle? Why not dragons? In fact, dragons would make for a far better offense against the castle no? I want to know why this battle is happening. I want to have a reason as to why I should even care about this otherwise senseless battle.

So in summary, focus more on the "why" behind the story, and your descriptions shouldn't read like a play by play of what's happening, but rather more to invoke a mood or idea to the reader, and a way to characterize the characters and define the situation better.

Hope this helped.
Andy.




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Sat Jun 21, 2014 7:03 pm
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Wolfi wrote a review...



Congratulations, my friends! You both have written a wonderful beginning to a book that is guaranteed to evolve into a masterpiece. Since JC has already provided a thorough analysis of this, I will do my best to provide some fresh praise and recommendations...
It's nice that you (in this review, "you" will mean both of you) have decided to split this chapter into smaller parts, as fewer people on this site would like to read one frost giant chapter and review the whole thing, too. You'll also receive more reviews this way, too!
I am in love with the names of the characters, especially Gabrius. You clearly excel at creating wonderful, original names and I'm sure that more will appear as the story progresses.

Over four storeys tall

Hmmm.. in America I'm quite certain that we spell it as "stories." I guess the spelling differs.
The victim let out a deafening scream as one of its arms was blown into hundreds of shards of ice.

I think that a bellow would fit a bit better when explaining a giant's scream.
right shoulder.The four which were still standing

There were one or two instances where the space between two sentences is nonexistent. I have had a problem when copy and pasting my chapters from Word onto here: the spaces between all the sentences had disappeared, which is odd. Did you have this same problem?
the age of thirty-six.

<3
His long, golden-brown hair was stained red, probably from a head injury, so Ioreck slowly took off the man’s helmet.

Here's a better way to write this:
His long, golden-brown hair was stained red. Ioreck slowly removed the man's [insert a word here to describe the helmet: chrome, shiny, etc] helmet, expecting a head injury. Something like that would sound better.
Overall, I think you could use better imagery and descriptions of the setting. Of course, you have the rest of the chapter to explain the weather, scenery, and characters a little better, so try to describe Albaster and battlefield as best as you can.
The action was very thrilling and fresh to read; nice job! This is the type of fantasy that I love, and I can't wait to read part two of "Rebellion!" I like the relationship that Gabrius and Ioreck have together.
As this chapter is called "Rebellion," I am wondering who is actually rebelling. Ioreck and his men seem to be defending, not rebelling, so I assume that the title's importance will be revealed later in the chapter.
One more thing... There is a club known as Adopt a Novel. Check it out! You should put this book up for adoption (or I could do it for you)! :D




BrumalHunter says...


Thank you for your review, my kind friend. I see you find our spelling of "storey" strange, but you'll see that American English differs from British English in many ways; for example, Wanderer and I write "grey" and "colour" whereas you would write "gray" and "color". (It was rather confusing when I first began using bbcode. ;) )

As for the chapter's title, I am certain part II will answer many of your questions. However, we have several protagonists, and therefore several plots, so more questions are sure to arise as well.

I have read of this "Adopt a Novel" numerous times now, but I have not yet had the time to join. I am not too sure that I shall either, as every novel I review, I review from its beginning up to its end anyway, so I think that defies the purpose. You are welcome to put An Arrow's Flight up for adoption nevertheless; I shan't mind, and as it means our work receives more attention, I am sure Wanderer won't mind either. :D



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JayeCShore wrote a review...



Hi, J.C. here for a review!

So, first off, I have to say I enjoyed reading this very much. It's so hard to right Fantasy today, simply because there's so much of it. I can't tell you how many books, chapters and such I've read that seem like spin-offs of Harry Potter, Twilight, or Fablehaven. Do I dare say this? People just have no imagination. And, they like to spend more time on writing the "cool" parts of the story, rather than the actual story itself. This chapter was, if a bit cliche right at the beginning, followed wonderfully along with traditional High Fantasy, but was not anything I've ever read before.

'Watch out!’


Even though this line is only two words, I would say it's probably the most important part in this chapter. Not only is it the opening to the chapter, but it's also the opening to the book, unless you have stopped to read the Prologue, which I never do until I read the whole book.

And, at the same time, establishing the story happens in the first line, whether or not the writer understands that. My biggest problem is that I like to open the book, or chapter, with an "epic" description and lots of "elegant" writing. Unfortunately, that's a turn off point for many and most readers. But the words, "watch out," speak of action, easy reading, and something very interesting to read. It literally grabs you and pulls you into the story, even though it's only two words.'

Over four storeys tall and made almost completely of snow and ice, these giants had only one objective: the destruction of all human settlements.


Personally, I would love to have some interesting description of what these Frost Giants look like, how they move, how the ice reacts when impacting the ground as they run.

I noticed something throughout this chapter, and that is that it lacks those descriptive sparks which set writing apart from the rest. Not to say that this is not well written. Most of what I just said is my opinion, because that's how my brain works. But sometimes I swear that I'm completely different than the other 6,999,999,999 people out there.

Gabrius cuffed those closest to him for not continuing the attack on the giants.


I love how you do your characters, and that, even in this short amount of time, we get to see how different they are from one another. I found myself laughing at Gabrius' ways. "Yah, here we are, fighting a battle against these giant snowballs with legs that want to squish us all, and I'm going to physically impair my soldiers." Brilliant tactics :D

But seriously, it's these little, seemingly unimportant and effortless parts that define a character as something different, and unique. I can't stand reading books where all of the characters sound pretty much the same, and then one goes and does something out of the ordinary. It never makes any sense. But you've established early on Gabrius' temperament, and consequently, Ioreck is painted to be a much more caring, realistic sort of guy.

‘Weren’t the giants engaged by Àlkepe as they came out of the mountains?’ Gabrius asked Ioreck.


With this short line, you've established the existence of other places, with out saying "there are other places." And it also adds a little bit more of realism to the story, as a group of towering giants couldn't just waltz right through a kingdom without being noticed.

As all the surgeons were preoccupied, Ioreck and Gabrius tended to the rider themselves.


Obviously these two men are important leaders in the battle, but I've always hated it when military men don't have a care for their men. This is not the case in your story, and once again, it helps the reader to focus less on the "epic" parts, and more on the parts of the story that matter, which are human emotions, feelings, and interaction. I would definitely fight for a general who stopped his battle to help me out.

‘Thank you,’ Ioreck said, but despite their victory over the frost giants, he still felt uneasy. It was probably just the adrenaline.


Ending a chapter is definitely one thing I struggle with. It has to be seamless, but at the same time, it has to be alluding enough to get the reader to continue. So many writers believe that happens by writing something like, "And he was super afraid, because, who could tell what was going to happen next?" Cliche. Boring. And dumb.

You end in a similar way, yes, by stating that Ioreck "felt uneasy," but it's far more of a clever way to say what you had to. The reader is now left to ask, "What's he worried about?" Rather than, "What's happening next?" It just makes it better in so many ways. And, like I said, seamless.

I quite enjoyed reading this. To be honest, I had looked at it before and I saw the reference to Frost Giants, and I was thinking it was going to be another Harry Goes To Fabletwight. You proved me wrong, and that's definitely a good thing.

Thank you JamesHunt and Wandering Wizard!

#D65F54 ">- JC -




BrumalHunter says...


Thank you for the review, JC. (I see you signed your review that way, so I hope you don't mind if I call you by that name.) Excuse the pun, but the frost giants are only the tip of the iceberg - a prelude, if you will; the tree which is the novel's plot has only just begun to sprout.

You might also have noticed how another name appears beside mine below the title. Naturally, the Wandering Wizard is my co-author, so you should not be surprised if he were to respond as well, or in my stead. We both have certain characters from whose perspective we write, but the one always revises the other's work before it is submitted as final. Therefore, we each share in the other's accomplishments equally.



JayeCShore says...


That's cool. I liked working on a novel with my friend when he was available. I'll be sure to give WW some credit as well.





Thank you for this wonderful review! I hope to read more of your reviews as our story progresses. Thank you once again!



JayeCShore says...


Definitely. If you would, write me down somewhere and shoot me a PM when another chapter comes out. It's always hard to track these sorts of things down :D





You'll be the first to know when we publish the next part or chapter. In fact, I'm going to call James now and ask him when we're going to publish part 2. I am sure you'll enjoy it just as much as you enjoyed this part! ;-)



BrumalHunter says...


Part II will be published on June 28, and perhaps part III as well.



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Tue Jun 17, 2014 12:43 pm
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BrumalHunter says...



Mercia is a continent on the planet Lauracia. It resembles Medieval Europe and the setting of this novel, An Arrow's Flight, is its eastern side, known as Aeste Mercia. The inhabitants of Aeste Mercia speak Aeste Mercian, but naturally we have translated it to English.

The nations of Aeste Mercia are known as Clans and each has a clan-creature, after which it is named. The adjective in front of the animal's name is written in Ancient Mercian - a language my co-author and I created for the puposes of this series, entitled The War of Seasons - and is usually a colour:
o #00FFFF ">Àl/àl is Ancient Mercian for white and is pronounced "ahl" (as in "cut)
o Grǻ/grǻ is Ancient Mercian for green and is pronounced "grau" (as in "how")
o #404040 ">Grà/grà is Ancient Mercian for grey and is pronounced "grah" (as in "cut")
o Blà/blà is Ancient Mercian for black and is pronounced "blah" (as in "cut")
o Rô/rô is Ancient Mercian for red and is pronounced "roh" (as in "raw", but shorter and more accentuated)
o #BF8000 ">Gòl/gòl is Ancient Mercian for gold and is pronounced "gohl" (as in "bold")

The characters' names are also pronounced differently than some might think (the emphasised syllables are indicated by an apostrophe):
o Ioreck: eeh-yoh'-reck
o Gabrius: gah'-bri-is

And the cities' names:
o Albaster: ahl-bas'*-tir (* = as in "bad")
o Àlkepe: ahl-keh'-peh

If you have any other questions concerning the story, feel free to PM either me or my co-author.

~ James Hunt




Wolfi says...


Woah! This is really, really amazing! It reminds me of how Christopher Paolini created his own language for Eragon. Great job, you two! (I will review this after school.)




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