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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
It's joallover here! And all I can say is
Woah.
There are lines in this that I absolutely loved, almost to the point of humor.
Oh, what a brave hero I am!
"Would you like some lies with that?"
I crackle at the scene with glee
It's almost like black humor, I love it! You have admirable word choice and points that are extremely valid and realistic. I love it!
I don't have any nit picks, but I have to make one point.
Higher,
bigger,
faster,
quicker!
That reminded me of the Lorax scene when the last tree falls down and the onceler is saying he will keep biggering and biggering and biggering
You did an amazing job with this, keep writing!
-joallover
I like how you take a cruel topic such as this one and turn it into a decent poem all the while.
I left reading this poem with the impression....of being stunned. As I had noted before, I'm surprised to see such a topic be put into poetry descriptions.
It was an appropriate rhyming poem. The form you used was unique but easy to follow, giving the poem a bigger effect.
But, I feel like the title doesn't really suit the poem itself. Though I see that you mentioned that line as your title, it doesn't seem to capture the poem's overall message...I suggest using a different message to broaden readers' expectations upon clicking this.
I say this because saying, "'Cause I can," in the title is too general. I like how you talk about human nature itself, where humans sometimes torture things, even though the poem is about one person. However, if you wish to keep it, no one is stopping you as I liked the repetition of a particular stanza.
I liked the speaker's attitude toward the subject of the poem, it was suitable and gave more emphasis on the subject.
I suggest taking out the crossed out word, "now". It isn't necessary and I feel that without it, the poem flows better.
Overall, I think you did a really good job on this poem. This deserves to be in a book where mankind is torturing the beauty of nature itself. I liked, it had that eerie tone to it, but that's what makes the story true.
Hi, I haven't reviewed in a while
First off, its a really great poem!
I especially liked the first stanza, particularly:
"My thoughts were the death of peace"
I really like how the entire poem views human nature as a whole.
Personally I would leave out the repetition of
"If it's weaker, if it's smaller,
I'm free to torture and to slaughter.
Pollute the air, poison the water.
I kill 'cause I can. "
Mainly because I feel that that stanza doesn't display the mood of the entire poem.
Once again, great work, keep writing, I will certainly follow you!
~Hadj