Chapter 2: The Boy On The Boat
"Aeliz!" I gasped into the empty forest. Nature slept on, unaware of my distress. Not even the animals served as background noise. The sun patterns on the ground appeared frozen in time with no wind to spur their dance.
A horrible feeling meticulously ate away my insides as I thought of her health and where she was. I couldn't shake the image out of my mind of the warriors who wanted to investigate the hill. Did they ignore the young man's insistence to kill me, the supposed feazen? I saw no sign of them when the young man discovered me and pitched his strange disk-like weapon.
"Aeliz!" I took tentative steps forward, anxiously searching. Her ashen face, her full red lips parted in fear, her white knuckles clutching the handle of the basket haunted my mind. She was probably held captive in the dark corner of a tent while someone quietly interrogated her. They wouldn't kill her, right? Unlike me, she was too beautiful to die. The worst they could do was convert her to their side.
I stood, torn between heading back to enemy territory and giving up and going home. If she was inside the Violekan camp, shouldn't I display an act of loyalty by barging in and saving her? But, what if she wasn't inside the camp? What if I was assuming something bad had happened to her?
The image of betrayal written on Aeliz's face for me leaving her behind impressed guilt on my heart. On the other hand, if I decided to go back to the village without her, she might understand I was preserving my own life as a breech person to carry out the goddess' plan.
In trepidation, I returned to our hut in hopes that my friend would see the value of the breech more so than selfishness. "Please understand," I prayed with all my might.
The moment I pushed back the curtain, I halted in my tracks. "Aeliz?" I sputtered in disbelief.
My friend paused from grinding the herbs into fine orange grains on the table with the rock. Her head lifted to stare at me, and, in shock, the rock slipped from her slender fingers. Her eyes were swollen pink and bright with tears.
I was so thrilled to see her that I dropped the speared feazen and ran toward her with open arms.
Aeliz sniffled, not saying anything, and let me hug her tight for a while. Arms hanging by her sides, she spat, "You fool."
I released her as if she had burned me. "What?"
"You heard me." Her rosy lips morphed into a fine line, and her nostrils flared. "How could you have left me behind?"
I gawked at her. The scene of me abruptly forsaking her to chase after the feazen became clear to me, and, cringing, I agreed, "I'm sorry! That was rude and wrong of me." I stopped, wanting to apologize more, but I didn't know what to say.
Recognizing my sincerity, her taut face slightly softened. “I guess I have to forgive you. That doesn’t mean I’m not angry at you, still.”
I nodded in defeat.
“You won’t believe how scared I was for you.” Aeliz shook her head intense and slow. “I waited in the forest, body stiff as death, wondering what would become of you! I didn't know if I was about to lose my dearest friend!"
I captured her hands in mine and looked her straight in the eye. "I felt the same way when you weren't waiting for me when I came back to the hill. Why did you go back home?"
She averted her eyes in shame. "Two Violekans came to me, asking me what I was doing near their camp."
"Did they hurt you?" I demanded.
"No." She shook her head softly. "They were rather benevolent, telling me to be careful, when I lied that I was looking for sourie deeper in the woods. Only, they didn't seem to trust me, because they kept watching me. I had to look busy and actually collect the herbs before going home. I couldn't linger around, or they would suspect something."
I nodded in understanding of Aeliz's situation, but the warriors' peacefulness baffled me. "That's strange. I would have expected those men to kidnap and hold you prisoner."
"Me, too," she agreed wholeheartedly. "It took all I had to control my shaking knees."
I released my sweaty hold on her cool hands, twisting my face in guilt. "Again, I'm sorry for risking my life to pass the neighbors' souls into the afterlife but not doing the same for you. If I knew for sure that you were held captive in that camp, I would have gone and saved you. But, I wasn't sure. I didn't want to take any chances."
"I forgave you, already," my friend reminded. Her eyebrows fell. "Why, though? Why wouldn't you save me if you weren't sure I was captured?"
Nervously, I chewed on my bottom lip, and soon I tasted blood. "Breech people are already rare on Oraelis with the amount of murders. I wanted to preserve my life." Noticing my vague response, which seemed to contradict my drive to guide the souls into the afterlife even if it put my life in danger, I quickly added, "Preserving the life of a breech person is important, but if people you care about have died it's even more important to guide their souls. I accomplished hunting the feazen. Since that's done and I'm still alive, being cautious is the next step in importance."
Comprehension flickered in Aeliz's azure eyes. "Oh, I see. There's just one thing: you haven't finished guiding the souls. You still need to make the feazen stew." Shrugging her shoulders, she stated, "Well, you're alive. You have the feazen. Let's go ahead and make the stew."
"You're right." I dislodged the animal from the spear tip and wiped off some of the dirt from its fur from the couple times I dropped it. "Grab two large jars and fill them with water from the well, would you? One jar for cleaning, and the other for cooking."
"Got it." She hauled the first jar over her shoulder and exited the hut while I skinned the feazen with the small blade. I had found the blade lying on the forest floor, probably left by some Violekans carrying our weapons and potential weapons away. It had no handle attached to it, so I used a thick branch piece to saw into one side of the double-edged blade until it fit snugly.
That blade was my lifesaver. With it I was not only able to eat the animals I hunted, but also I could sharpen the points of my makeshift spears.
Aeliz soon returned with a jar full to the brim of sloshing water and carried the next jar outside.
Leaving the table, I struck two rocks together to start a fire in the center of the hut's pile of miuwood scraps, and soon enough the smoke billowed toward the gaping hole in the ceiling. After removing the entrails and washing off the blood, I tied the skinned and cleaned meat onto a pole with rope and propped it on two straight sticks to cook.
"To Nilahny, Braedon, Aola, and little Circe!" Aeliz and I held our bowls of stew in the air, chins raised, eyes closed, and remembered the faces of those gone. We spilled some of it into the fire as part of our ritual, which hissed as it instantly consumed the stew.
A heavy weight lifted from my heart, and I knew their souls made it into the afterlife.
"We're not done with the dead," I informed my friend with a wrinkled nose, who noisily slurped the remaining broth. I still couldn't get over how a girl with a beautiful face had such disgusting manners.
"We're not?" She licked her lips.
"We're not," I affirmed in amazement. "We have yet to send their physical remains to Dead Region."
Out of the blue, Aeliz inquired, "Will we ever journey to Dead Region, ourselves, one day?"
I shot her a strange look. "Yes. When we're dead."
"No, I mean when we're alive," she conveyed. "I'm just curious what it's like.”
I snorted at the thought. “I bet the stench would make you faint with all the waste we dump in there. The ocean is probably so filthy that it’s green. I wouldn’t want to visit such a region.”
Aeliz made a low hum in the back of her throat but didn't respond.
After we washed the clay bowls and put them in the small cabinet near the table, along with my blade, which I hid in a compartment behind it, Aeliz and I went outside. We rang the lihcal bells hanging over the curtains of several huts. If someone answered, we invited, "Will you please help us send our neighbors' ashes to Dead Region?" Some politely declined, claiming busywork, while others were more than glad to help.
The elderly man Riko joined us, not in the least bit worried about disappearing forever any time soon. In fact, he didn't mention it at all.
"Did you girls help their souls into the afterlife?" he asked with a twinkle in his eye as our small group headed toward the remnants of the hut that burned down. The closer we inched toward it, the more powdery the air smelled.
Aeliz nodded once. "Yes." Her voice lowered. "We risked our lives catching feazen in the woods for it."
I shushed her.
Riko chided me, waving his hands in front of him, "Hey, hey, hey, it's all right to speak in public. We can't show the Violekans and their spies that we're afraid. They'll only trample us more."
I wanted to argue with him but found that what he said made sense. "I guess you're right," I reservedly answered, although my eyes warily flitted toward the silent group. A man tried to suppress his weeping, having been close friends with Circe's father. The rest of the group refused to shed any more tears, but they held a melancholy atmosphere.
We approached the ruins and ran the sides of our jars along the ground to scoop up hot ashes. As we stepped over scorched pieces of wall to the center of what used to be the hut, I had to look away.
The bones scattered among the ashes were unbearable to view. Shuddering, I transferred them to my jar without directly staring and heard the unpleasant rattling inside. I bit my tongue hard, on the verge of sobbing.
"Oooh, ayoo, oooh ya," a young woman's warbling voice began to sing near me. "Oooh, ayoo, oooh, ya." Several other people in our group joined in, and after exhaling a sigh I participated in the song, as well, a tradition to help us let go of those we loved when they passed on.
"Ooooooh!" I added to the otherworldly chorus. My sandaled foot crushed a glowing orange cinder with a crunch as I trudged.
"Welcome to your new home. The world of Oraelis says farewell. The sun Orthil, the moon Egmil, and the stars wish you peace as you journey far," the man, who had been straining not to cry, sang in a lovely voice as he collected the ashes and bones.
The sun blazed bright, watching over our misery and attempting to raise our spirits. We gathered as much of the ash and bones in the jars we took with us and trailed in single file down to the beach.
"Ooooooh, ah ooh," I sang emotionally.
Once the foamy lavender water skirted past our knees, we stood shoulder-to-shoulder and bent over to release the jars into the ocean's grasp, letting them float toward the horizon. I tasted salt in the wind, the same kind of saltiness as the tear streaking down my cheek.
"Ayooo, oooh." The same woman who started held the privilege to end the song.
We let the sparkling waters hypnotize us for a while longer before, one-by-one, we turned around to trek back to the village. No one uttered a word, and the voices continued to sing in my head, the warm, gentle breeze blowing in tune.
When we reached the huts, Aeliz discreetly said to the volunteers, "Thank you for helping us."
Riko squeezed her hand and let go.
We felt such tremendous peace after our song that surely nothing could destroy it. Nothing could take away the peace that was nowadays rare. Peace was ours. Peace was—
Gone.
In the distance shrieked world-shattering voices, blood-curdling and inhuman. Figures sat on prowling beasts, and they appeared to be in no rush to get to the village. Aeliz, the group of volunteers, and I, however, were in a rush.
"Get inside! Get inside!" I breathed harshly to nobody in particular, maybe myself. I didn't forget the hungry eyes of the veranxes upon meeting them in the woods. I wasn't eager to meet them again.
Aeliz was too sluggish for my liking, so I grabbed her arm and yanked her through the curtained doorway. I pulled the heavy curtain closed, and the veranx screams diminished into muffled noise. My heartbeat drummed inside my chest.
"We've been waiting for you."
We froze. Eyes bulging, Aeliz and I slowly turned to find the voice that spoke.
The woman with the ebony braid wrapped around her head smiled pleasantly as she sat on the stool, arms resting on the table's surface. The young man, who threw his weapon at me, scowled at us beside her, arms crossed over his chest.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.
My friend glanced at me in horror. "What are you doing in our hut?" she squeaked to the Violekan leader.
The woman raised an eyebrow, and keeping her eyes trained on us, she ordered, "Tell them, Zanu. What are we doing in their hut?"
His scowl became more pronounced. "Why do I have to tell them?"
"Because the mother is tired of disciplining her children all the time," the leader acidly retorted.
Zanu threw his head back in exasperation and glared directly at me. "We're here because someone broke our rules."
I winced from his hateful tone and freezing blue eyes. The leader, Aeliz, and Zanu all looked at me. At that very moment, I questioned Kelai why I couldn't deny those words. My shaking voice announced, "It's true. I did."
"So, you admit it. Just like that?" He sounded surprised.
"I broke your rules," I clarified stiffly. "And you threw your weapon at me, whatever it's called, aiming to kill me. Are you going to kill me for this?"
"It's called a throwing star," he muttered.
"Kill you?" The woman sneered. "Why, we're going to do something worse. Any guesses on what that might be?"
Horrible scenes of dank prisons and slavery streaked across my mind. I automatically shoved them away, not wanting to dwell on living nightmares. I pointed to Aeliz. "What about her? You won't hurt her, right?"
The leader narrowed her eyes, leaning forward. "Getting defensive, aren't you? Unfortunately, she's as guilty as you. My warriors described to me her appearance, which she matches well, and this hut reeks with meat."
Aeliz paled.
"Why did you hunt?" The leader brusquely continued.
"Because of what I believe in," I blurted. "We Kelaians believe that if people die, we need to do an action to remember them best by, so they could make it into the afterlife. If I didn't hunt, then the souls would stay with the physical body in a sea of waste. I don't want that!"
The woman raised both eyebrows. "I'm impressed by your honesty so far. Most Kelaians would lie through their teeth to try worm their way out of intense situations. You make it easy for us."
Zanu's face was lined with what I dearly hoped was not suspicion.
"Your sister was supposedly gathering herbs in the woods, am I correct? What was she really doing?" the leader fired off another question.
As I closely watched the young man's face, I was dying inside. A queasy sensation in my stomach, I opened my mouth to reply.
Aeliz spoke before I did. "I was gathering herbs," she insisted, gesturing at the bowls of grains on the table.
Pressing her lips together in fury, the woman delivered a violent blow to the bowl and sent it flying against the wall with a loud crash. I jumped. The clay bowl shattered into fragments, and the herb grains momentarily transformed into an orange cloud drifting to the floor. "I want her to answer, not you!" she snapped, pointing at me.
I shot Aeliz a grateful look for trying to protect me. Anxiously chewing on my lip, I explained, "She's not my sister; she's my friend. She didn't want to go hunting with me, at first, but I was stubborn about it, so she gave in. We grabbed the gathering basket to hide our intentions, but really she was going to help me hunt."
"Are you breech?" Zanu accused.
The hair on my neck bristled. "Yes."
The Violekans exchanged wide-eyed glances.
"Caela, run!" Aeliz screamed.
I obeyed, but I grabbed her arm. "You're coming with me!" Together, we flung ourselves out of the hut, and, during that moment, I felt something whiz past my ear.
Outside, a whole line of warriors on veranxes patiently waited for us. The beasts, with their incessant hissing, remembered me.
"This is why we have backup," the leader stated in an almost bored voice as she shoved aside the curtain behind us. "Violekans, I grant you permission for your veranxes to eat them. We didn't feed them yet."
The warriors commanded their animals to move forward. Hunger blazed in the veranxes' green eyes.
"Wait!" The man who stifled his tears in our volunteer group emerged from his hut. "We won't let you murder more of us! At least not in the same day!"
More of Kaelann's inhabitants appeared on the path with determined faces.
I took this distraction as a chance to escape. Dragging Aeliz's arm with me as I sprinted, she tripped, struggling to keep up with my speed.
"Chase them!" The leader bellowed. I only ran harder.
Behind me I heard the monstrous creatures scream, their sounds closing in on us. Abruptly, Aeliz and I swerved into another direction in an attempt to confuse them. We dashed for the beach, spotting a red boat half on the black shore, half in the purple ocean.
The sand slowed us down, and the veranxes were on our heels.
"Get in the water!" I told Aeliz in a frenzy. We leaped in the air and landed in the water with a splash. When the water droplets hit them, the veranxes halted and yowled in fear. We pushed the boat further out into the sea, and sopping wet, we climbed in.
Aeliz was shocked. "There's a boy on the boat!"
My jaw dropped at the sight of a bruised up boy lying unconscious on the boat's keel. Behind us on shore, the veranxes whined at not getting their noon meal, while the warriors mounted upon them yelled in frustration. Their figures grew smaller and smaller, their noise softening.
The wind caressed the young boy's shaggy, dark blood-stained hair, and he stirred from the chaotic noise with a groan.
"Are you all right?" I hesitantly asked him. He didn't respond. I took this time to scrutinize his small body in a dirty white tunic, torn around the rims, and bruised, impish face. When I noticed his thick, long eyelashes, I couldn't help but gape.
"He's adorable," Aeliz whispered my mind.
"Yes, he is," I agreed, peering down at him in pity. "He looks like he could be like your younger brother. I wonder what happened to him?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. I want to wash his hair free of the blood, but I'm afraid I'll hurt him."
"If he lets you, you can. Let's wait until he wakes up first," I decided, moving my eyes to the rhythmic waves lapping at the bow.
The boy murmured something unintelligible under his breath.
"What did he say?" I inquired.
Aeliz shook her head, implying her oblivion.
All of a sudden, the boy's murmuring became loud and clear, his face distorted in unease. "Mother, Father, don't leave me! Please! I'm your son!"
Aeliz gazed at him morosely, then looked at me.
"Did he lose his family?"
She hummed in the back of her throat. "Maybe in a different—"
"Do you hate me because I'm breech?!" he screeched, startling us.
The two of us hushed instantly.
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Hey Calenwric! Happy Review day.
First for a positive
What I really, really like about this is the attention to the physical. That one sided hug and the "Her rosy lips morphed into a fine line, and her nostrils flared..." are an example. I think a lot of writers fall into a series of dreadful clichés when trying to use physical descriptions to describe emotion but you seem to have a genuine knack for it that adds a really nice stylistic quirk to your writing.
Sentence Structure
Are you aware that you start *a lot* of your sentences and clauses with prepositions? "The two of us hushed..." "he screeched..." "She hummed..." "Aeliz gazed..." I ask if you're aware because you seem to be kind of in that half-way space where you're using different ways to avoid doing it but haven't really grasped how to avoid it. Sometimes you add a short clause to the beginning of the sentence which kind of works but only as one way of varying.
My best advice for this is always the blood, sweat and tears approach. Take it one sentence at a time and, for the sake of practice, allow one in ten sentences to start with a preposition.
Taking into account the first thing I said, maybe you tend to look at things very physically, which would make sense to why everything plays 'he did this then she did that.' You can still keep that quality without the repetitive structure.
The great thing though is that once you've broken out of the habit, it kind of changes your way of thinking and you lose a lot of restrictions simply by being able to phrase things in a lot of new ways. It's also a really simple method that can give your writing a great boost.
Nitpick
"The image of betrayal written on Aeliz's face for me leaving her behind impressed guilt on my heart."
What's wrong with this sentence... I don't know >.< But I had to think it over a few times before I figured out what it meant. 'Leaving her behind impressed a guilt on my heart' makes sense, and 'The image of betrayal written on Aeliz's face' makes sense, it's that little bit in the middle. If I figure out a way to tweak or punctuate it I'll come back and let you know.
I don't think any of the sentences or paragraphs are too short- variation is the key to writing well and I think you've got that aspect sorted. Maybe if you were writing adult fiction then you'd have longer paragraphs but what you have here suits the YA genre best. Then again to each his own, right?
Overall
My favourite thing about this is the characters. The relationship between them has this really weird balance between being as tough as steel and still as fragile as glass, and I really like that! It reminds me of people who have been together for a long time, so that the underlying bond between them is unbreakable, but they still regularly quarrel over different things.
Keep up the good work!
~Ten
Hey there! Cricket here for a quick review!
So I'm going to nitpick first!
This is way too short for a paragraph. Paragraphs are usually 4 to 5 sentences long.
Same problem here. Actually it seems that this is your main problem. Your grammar is really good and the story line is awesome, you just need to work on your paragraphs.
This sentence isn't long enough. I think it needs a little added on.
Other than that I think this is amazing.
I especially love this paragraph. Its just awesome!
Well I hope this helped! This was an amazing chapter!