Hey there ConverseFireGirl. Wolf here for a review.
First of all, I'd like to applaud you for doing this as a haiku. It is difficult to get topics like this into something so short and specific. So great job on that.
Now, I understand that finding words that fit into a haiku and say what you want can be difficult. But I do believe that the middle line could be better. It just doesn't seem to fit between your other two lines. The first and last lines sound very poetic, while the middle one sounds more like a poet's attempt at mild slang. Which could be a good thing, but I don't think it's right for this piece.
I feel bad leaving you with just that. But I really have nothing else to say. You had a wonderful theme and you portrayed it very well in a form of poetry which can make that difficult. So great job. I wish I could say more. I hope you take my wordlessness as a complement. Because it means you have written something very good.
~WW
Points: 1832
Reviews: 121
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