z

Young Writers Society



fall from Grace

by lewiseyles


on a parallel pursuit

for friends and exile,

she drags through drudgery

carrying a weary smile,

all the stars she watches,

she idolises, she adores,

they one day lose touch,

and one day they fall,

down to the sewers,

a fall from grace,

she's now amongst them,

a fall to sweet Grace.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
74 Reviews

Points: 1117
Reviews: 74

Donate
Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:52 pm
HaleyPenguin wrote a review...



AHHH!!! This is gorgeous!
The visual in this is AMAZING!!!
I love the dramatic effects you used.
The imagery is beyond amazing.
You should be really proud of yourself for this work! It's very well done.
I think that it flows very well, and makes sense.

"all the stars she watches,
she idolises, she adores,
they one day lose touch,"

LOVE THIS PART!!! This was written very well, and seems to have more feeling or emotion to it than the other parts.

Grammatical erros: I don't really see any. You wrote this very well. I love the fact that you kept it shorter instead of making a big brick. You kept the readers attention instead of turning them away from the poem. Also you used a nice vocabulary so the reader wasn't turned away from words too big or too small/simple.

All in all, you did very well on this poem (I know I keep saying it, but that's just because I like it so much.) I can't wait till I see more from you :)




User avatar
170 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 170

Donate
Mon Feb 10, 2014 4:20 pm
deleted5 wrote a review...



Hey lewiseyles! I'm here to review your poem!
I really love how dramatic this poem is! You have shown some very good imagery that paints a really powerful "picture". My favourite lines were the final 5, it really brings the poem to a very good close!
Now for the little nitpicks:

she drags through drudgery

I don't think the highlighted word is a real word. It also seems a little bit odd to have it in the middle of other words. Maybe: "She drags through the days".
You also need capitals on the start of every line! In a poem each line is treated as a kind of sentence meaning that you do need capitals.
Other than that, great poem! Oh, and welcome to YWS!





No one is perfect; not even your reflection.
— Chalkboard Words