Young Writers Society

The rain falls down,
its acid sorrows,
burning through my skin,
and leaving holes in my soul.

The weather must have been an omen,
telling us to be ready for disaster.
The Wind whispered warnings to me,
but I didn’t want to believe her.

She told me that the Sun was shining now,
but it would set and leave for Darkness.
I told her she was wrong; the Sun loved the Sky,
why would he betray her by leaving her for the Dark.

She told me it had to happen,
that happiness and all things had to end,
it’s the circle of life,
and it will happen whether I'm ready or not.

And it came to be that the Wind,
going all places and seeing all things,
was true in her prediction,
and the sky darkened and the rain fell down.

The Sun left the Sky
only to see the Darkness,
the cause of our sorrow,
and took the brightness of the day.

Now the Sky is crying
her poisonous sorrows down on us,
the children of the Sun and Sky,
the trees and flowers and butterflies.

I stand here in my mothers suffering
while my father is away with the witch,
he threw away our happiness
for one night with our sorrows.

Wow. Great poem. Love the intensity in the tone and how it is used to create emotional responses. The poem itself displays the talent possessed by the author, who i take is you. WOW. let me review thy work now.

The rain falls down,
its acid sorrows,
burning threw my skin,
and leaving holes in my soul.

burning through my skin,

The Wind whispered warnings to me,
but I didn’t want to believe her.

<disregard this>

She told me the Sun was shining now,
but it would set and leave for Darkness.
I told her she was wrong;the Sun loved the Sky,
So why would he betray her
by leaving her for the Dark.

She told me it had to happen,
that happiness and all things had to end,
It’s the circle of life,
whether I'm ready or not.

And it came to be that the Wind,
going all places and seeing all things,
was true in her prediction,
and the sky darkened and the rain fell down.

The Sun left the Sky
only to see the Darkness,
the cause of our sorrow,
and stole the brightness of day.

Now the Sky is crying,
her poisonous sorrows down on us,
the children of the Sun and Sky,
the trees and flowers and butterflies.

I stand here in my mothers suffering
while my father is away with the witch,
he threw away our happiness
for one night with a terrifying <bitch>

It flows more.

This was very good, it reminded me almost of a soap opera. I could really read this poem if you know what I mean. The way you wrote it just ties it all together and makes for a very smooth read. I really admire you for that because I, myself, kind of suck at the that. Haha.
And I agree with the person above me about the small errors, but overall it was very good and I really liked it.
Keep on writing!

Hey,
Thanks for asking for a review! I really don't see anything that I would change. Just one thing though, capitalize the beginning letter or every line, not just the beginning of a sentence or a stanza. This was beautifully written; you did such a good job, and I can't wait to read more of your work. If you have any questions or need another review feel free to ask.

Have a great day,
Tiffany