z

Young Writers Society


Twisted Vines



User avatar
15 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1050
Reviews: 15
Thu Jun 16, 2011 2:25 am
IIWickedDestinyII says...



What do you think? Sorry about the formatting being weird, it did not transfer well... :?

Chapter 1: A Grade Eight Graduation


Corrigan stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel. He cleared the mirror off with his palm, the condensation moistening his freshly dried hand. Looking in the mirror he saw a five foot eleven, short curly dirty blonde haired, fourteen year old boy with bright blue eyes and a sharp face. Tying the towel securely enough around his waist he stepped out into the cool hallway and towards his bedroom. Once inside and dry Corrigan pulled on his black dress pants, tucked and buttoned the white shirt his sister Gabriella had ironed for him just before his shower. He grabbed his socks and black shoes, combed his hair into place, brushed his teeth and walked downstairs. Grabbing the white corsage off the table and slipping into his jacket, Corrigan wrote a note to his mother telling where he was just in case she had forgotten.

His friend Mark pulled up with him and his date Rebecca in the back. Mark's dad waved and Corrigan hurried over. The old red van rumbled then set off towards the club as Mark's dad threw the clutch into drive. They pulled up to the Lions Club just in time. Hurrying into the hall they signed in and all graduates lined up in alphabetical order. Being Corrigan Rivers he was near the back which meant he had to wait a few minutes as graduates were announced one by one and as they walked down the aisle just like a beauty pageant.
"Rebecca Paige's best memory was when her friends had to throw her in the dumpster out behind the school last year when they threw the wrong box in. " The relatives and friends all laughed then Corrigan walked through the Christmas white tree lighted doorway as the host began to speak. Everyone looked over at me with their video cameras and picture cameras. White flashes filled his vision.
"Next is Corrigan Rivers. Corrigan likes hockey and hanging out with his girlfriend Brittani. Corrigan's favourite memory was when his teacher dressed up in a pink tutu at the Christmas concert." Mr. Storms, his teacher grinned at him from the side of the stage. He walked up the sketchy black stairs and sat in his seat. Eight more people were announced after Corrigan then the ceremony began.

If you have ever been to a grade eight graduation you will know what to expect. For those that have not been to one I will explain. The ceremony began with a few guest speakers and a blessing from the priest. The 'host' then announced the Valedictorians, the people with the best grades, people skills and public speaking skills, who give their speech. More speakers then awards.

Corrigan sat gripping the edge of the cold, rough plastic chair. He qualified for the Principal's award, the arts award and the new addition the one Corrigan hoped to win.
"We give the arts award to two students every year. One boy and one girl. The award goes the students that showed the highest enthusiasm, skill and improvement in the arts. This year the award goes to the actress Brittani Kirk and the actor Christopher Duncan." Brittani and Chris stood up and walked up to the front side by side.

Once they accepted their awards they moved to the side for a quick picture. They stood side by side, Brittani slightly turned out and as Chris placed his hand on his hip he felt extremely jealous. All though he knew Brittani was his girl he always felt like there was someone better than him she could turn to. She was gorgeous, smart and funny. He was tall, lanky, dyslexic and had a mop of curls...Corrigan did not find himself attractive at all.

The next few awards went by then they called out the technology award.
"This award is new, with the growing technology we created an award. This award goes to someone who showed great knowledge, improvement and application skills to technology. This award goes to the director of our school movie Corrigan Rivers." Corrigan stood up and walked down to the podium. The principal handed him his blue with gold plaque. After the blinding flashes of the camera he sat back down as the movie he had directed for drama class.

The movie was about a teenage girl who gets lost in the forest and she is forced to think about the choices she has made in her life. Brittani played the lead role and Chris had sadly played the part of her best friend who steals her heart in the end. As Chris took Brittani's hand and they walked away fading into the darkness of the forest the audience applauded.

In the end his friend Henry got the Principal's award. Then out came the diplomas each one of the seventy five graduates walked across the old stage and shook hands with the graduating classes’ teachers. Shook hands with the beefy principal and stopped at one end for a picture. Then a prayer from the priest and the ceremony was over. They all walked out with their assigned partner back through the LED lit doorway and spread out among the hall as we waited for the hall to be cleared for the dance.

Britanni found him and twirled in front, showing of her short black satin dress with a glitter chest. He grinned and pulled her to closer to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and put her head on his chest. He breathed in the sweet smell of her floral perfume, his head feeling light from the intensity. Corrigan smiled and pulled her as close as he could get her. Henry gave him a wink and thumbs up as he walked into the cleaned off dance floor.

Corrigan took Britanni's hand and led her out on the floor. He escorted her over to her father. Someone tapped his shoulder and he turned around to see his twenty year old sister Gabrielle. Gabrielle was slim and tall with light blonde hair, from her father, cloudy blue eyes with a small amount of freckles on her cheeks.
"I know I am not mom but I'm family and I actually came so shall we have a brother sister dance?" He smiled and took her hand. Twirling her he led her to the middle of the floor surrounded by tear eyed mothers and fathers. Gabrielle smiled and rolled her eyes at them and they began to dance.

Once the song had finished she headed out to her car like all the rest of the relatives. Now it was the graduates’ time to have fun. Corrigan found Brittani surrounded by her pose of girls. He squeezed in behind and wrapped his arms around Brittani. He led her out into the middle of the dance floor and twirled her around once then pulled her close to him. She laughed and looked up at Corrigan. He lowered his head and touched his lips with hers. Parting his mouth she responded the same, standing on the dance floor surrounded by other children, they blended in perfectly. Tonight would be all about fun and happiness. That is all Corrigan hoped for.

This was one of the times they were happily in love. As they danced all Corrigan could think of was the times were they were fighting or they were unhappy. As they danced all Britanni could think of was Chris and when they had received their award. He had touched her so lightly it had scared her. It had given her butterflies. Was she falling for Chris but still in love with Corrigan?
One word to say to you
One world to live onto
One person that makes you spin
One song you'll always sing
Show me the way <3
  





User avatar
33 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 903
Reviews: 33
Thu Jun 16, 2011 6:45 pm
Mickeystwin33 says...



Wow, is all I can say. I never heard of all that fuss over eighth graders. (The most exiting thing I did in eighth grade was a field trip to a prison.) However, it was a very good story. I loved, and did not like how you left a cliff-hanger at the end of the story. That is very good though, because it will keep people coming back for more. Good job with this story.
I may not be the brightest crayon in the box. I might not be the prettiest, shiniest or favorite. I might not be anything to anyone, but yet I'm still in the box.

There's nothing wrong with you. There's a lot wrong with the world you live in. - Chris Colfer

I love you all, and thank you for reading my posts
  





User avatar
675 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 28467
Reviews: 675
Mon Jun 20, 2011 7:24 pm
lilymoore says...



Hey there, Wicked Destiny! I won’t be a drag and sift through a bunch of nitpicks. Rather, I’ll just go over some of the bigger things.

There is no interesting way to get ready for anything.
I mean it. I’ve tried and it real just can’t be done. But that whole opening paragraph is pretty much just a bunch of informational dumpage. It’s a lot of detail that the readers don’t need at all. Cut it down to maybe one key action or two. Any more than that and it gets to be rather boring.

This seems like a little much for 8th graders.
I just graduated from high school about a month ago and there wasn’t nearly this much fuss over us. So I’m kind of wondering why so much fuss would go into an 8th grade graduation. It seems like a lot. Was yours like that?

They’re just kids.
Maybe it’s just me but I don’t know many people who even start dating until after they’re at least freshman. Heck, I didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was a sophomore and people thought I was too young to be dating way back then. A lot of this just feels like a lot of little kids doing big kid things, at least from my point of view.

You don’t have much hear just yet and I’m really wondering where you’re going to go with this. Good luck and best writing!
Never forget who you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.
  








more fish is always superior to less fish
— Shady