Young Writers Society

The alien;
The monster.
The Misfit;
The liar.

Faded eyes
And stormy skies,
Lowly shadows,
And twisted lies.
The story that was never told
Forgotten,
abandoned;
Left alone,
In the cold.

So ugly,
So bad,
So crazy;
Gone mad.

Who deserves
To listen to
A nightmare;
Not a dream..?

Her story needs
A Happy End.
The nightmare;
Truth;
Reality...

Need never to be seen.

*Another depressing Poem... Sorry. I keep starting off to write a happy poem but then it just turns nasty! I can't help it ! I don't think I should bother writing another one... I'm making myself depressed! *
Tell me if you understood this and if you... err... liked it?! o.O It's kind of short... but: ^

You shouldn't feel depressed. The poem might feel depressing but that doesn't mean it isn't good. When I read poems, I look forward to visualizing what the author wrote, and I saw the poem in my head. Good Job!

Emmzziee wrote:The alien;
The monster.
The Misfit;
the liar.

Faded eyes
and stormy skies.
Lowly shadows,
and twisted lies.
The story that was never told.
Forgotten,
abandoned;
Left alone,
In the cold.

So ugly,
so bad,
so crazy;
Gone mad.

Who deserves
to listen to
a nightmare;
Not a dream..?

Her story
Needs
a Happy End.
the nightmare;
Truth;
reality...

Need never to be seen.

*Another depressing Poem... Sorry. I keep starting off to write a happy poem but then it just turns nasty! I can't help it ! I don't think I should bother writing another one... I'm making myself depressed!

Tell me if you understood this and if you... err... liked it?! o.O It's kind of short... but: ^

This is sooo good. I love it.

WRITE MORE!!

Keep writing,
Alzora

Don't feel depressed! I write my most scary, twisted, depressing, and morbid poems when I am in the happiest of moods!

I really like the short lines, because it creates an almost song-like beat. Good job! Keep writing!

Okay, so I usually *hate* short-lined poems because they feel all choppy, but this one actually flowed pretty well. I don't know why, but it felt different in its own way, so it was good in that sense, even though I'm not sure it said a lot. It still had a lot of emotion behind it.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hello!! Rain here!!

So, I really like this poem, it was really good, I like the beginning the best though.

Faded eyes
And stormy skies,
Lowly shadows,
And twisted lies.
The story that was never told
Forgotten,
abandoned;
Left alone,
In the cold. << This messes up this stanza to me... I think you should remove it, it messes up the flow, and is an overused thing...

Who deserves
To listen to << I don't see how someone can listen to a nightmare, I think "To see" would be better.
A nightmare;
Not a dream..?

Her story needs << I would move "needs" here
A Happy End.
The nightmare;
Truth;
Reality...

Love the poem, good job!

Don't worry about writing sad poems, thats really all I write, I don't mean to though. I start to write a happy poem, and as I writw it truns sad, and it sounds better that way. I write happy poem also, and they are really good, but writing the sad ones just comes easier to me.

Don't stop writing,

~Rain~

SilentRain wrote:Hello!! Rain here!!

So, I really like this poem, it was really good, I like the beginning the best though.

Faded eyes
And stormy skies,
Lowly shadows,
And twisted lies.
The story that was never told
Forgotten,
abandoned;
Left alone,
In the cold. << This messes up this stanza to me... I think you should remove it, it messes up the flow, and is an overused thing...

Who deserves
To listen to << I don't see how someone can listen to a nightmare, I think "To see" would be better.
A nightmare;
Not a dream..?

Her story needs << I would move "needs" here
A Happy End.
The nightmare;
Truth;
Reality...

Love the poem, good job!

Don't worry about writing sad poems, thats really all I write, I don't mean to though. I start to write a happy poem, and as I writw it truns sad, and it sounds better that way. I write happy poem also, and they are really good, but writing the sad ones just comes easier to me.

Don't stop writing,

~Rain~

Thank you so much for your awesome comments But Just too explain
This poem was originally supposed to be about stories that are never told and kept secret for whatever reason...
So that's why I put, "Listen too" And some of the other words, they were put in purposely to rhyme.

I'm not sure if you'll understand my poem now... But, yep.
Thank you so much for your feedback!
I'll edit it now xxxxxx

Hello there!

Here as requested.

First of all, I find the piece confusing because it lacks depth and matter inconsistencies. If your aim is to make the poem and your readers feel sad about this, then I think you haven't done it well. Emotions aren't clearly seen and some words don't need to be in uppercase.

Faded eyes
And stormy skies,
Lowly shadows,
And twisted lies.
The story that was never told
Forgotten,
abandoned;
Left alone,
In the cold.

As you can see, the first four lines are rhymed pretty well but then the next four seems a bit off to me. Just remember that if you're trying to rhyme all lines, then try sticking to it throughout the whole piece. The "forgotten" concept doesn't leave me, honestly, satisfied because the theme is technically broad.

Her story needs
A Happy End.
The nightmare;
Truth;
Reality...

Need never to be seen.

The transition looks unnecessary here, I don't think you even need those italics. And maybe being specific about "her", I can't just connect well with the poem.

All in all, this has potential. Just so, you need to be sure that one word or a two-word phrase isn't enough for your readers to understand the things you're trying to show here. You might understand of what you're trying to write and say, but just consider your reader's point of view. It's because sometimes, there's a big difference on what you see to your poem and what do readers see on it.

Hope this helps and PM me for any questions.
Keep writing,
Yuriiko

the dark manner of this poem is wonderfull. its dark and depressing. i hope im right when i say it felt as if you had feelings behhind this poem bbecause thats when poetry is amazing when the poet can feel what they write rather and they make it possible to convey that to the reader i loved this poem

This is brilliant. i don't think theres anything wrong with a good ol' depressing poem. i think its excellent and its really emotional; i really like your poems, i like them because you can tell that theres a story behind them (: carry on writing, i really enjoy reading them! xxxxxxxx

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a depressing poem!! It's amazing when you run with a feeling-even a depressing one! Keep writing!

This was great! I liked the subtle rhyming you had going on. Don't worry, I also have the Incapablity-to-write-happy-things-syndrome. But that isn't bad!!!! The best ideas come out of depressing things because it gives you a lot of emotion to work with! This poem was very good and I feel you got the message across well.
-Keep writing,
Rayne

Emmzziee wrote:The alien;
The monster.
The Misfit;
The liar.

Faded eyes
And stormy skies,
Lowly shadows,
And twisted lies.
The story that was never told
Forgotten,
abandoned;
Left alone,
In the cold.

So ugly,
So bad,
So crazy;
Gone mad.

Who deserves
To listen to
A nightmare;
Not a dream..?

Her story needs
A Happy End.
The nightmare;
Truth;
Reality...

Need never to be seen.

*Another depressing Poem... Sorry. I keep starting off to write a happy poem but then it just turns nasty! I can't help it ! I don't think I should bother writing another one... I'm making myself depressed! *
Tell me if you understood this and if you... err... liked it?! o.O It's kind of short... but: ^

Such a good descriptive poem. Your so good at putting such a regular word like "lie" sound so much more extragavent. Your a really good writer, and I love this poem. I do think it would be cool if you wrote one similar to this that rhymed.(: