Young Writers Society

I know we're not supposed to preface our work, but I'm going to. The spacing in this is fairly important, and I can't make the site accept and keep the spacing as I had it. So, the ***** denotes one tab indents and **********denoted two-tab indents. Preface done.


"If Only"

“If” is a dangerous word-- desirous.
It soon becomes “If only”,
And frames wild fantasy.

Fantasy turns to ill-laid plans.
Plans precede the foolish wish.
A wish, believed, becomes self-promise.

A promise broken is a lie.


If
*****The Danger
**********(If, oh yes, if…

Only…
*****The Fantasy
**********(…only I could…
…Then
*****The Promise.
**********(…I would be happy.)

But the truth makes a liar out of me.

It is not the truth that hurts me so.
It is the wish, that dangling,
Dangerous
“If only”.

I could be happy without those two little words.
If only
It worked that way…



Please comment. Thanks!

Great work! I really liked this. I can't see anything wrong with it.

I liked it too. I wish I could give you some criticism, but I can't think of anything to criricize. Keep it up! :thumb:

Yay! I had to read it twice to get what you meant about the spacing. But then, I'm stupid so... Anyway, I found nothing to nit-pick. Nothing to tear apart. No fun in that. I loved, "And frames wild fantasy" It had your clever ending. Muy Bueno. :thumb:

Thumbs up from me!
I have a bad habit of daydreaming... I totally relate to this theme.
I think it could have been longer!!
Good progression through the points (danger, fantasy, promise)
I wouldn't call it shallow... or deep, really.
But I enjoyed it


-Amice-