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Young Writers Society


[A struggle.]



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137 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
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Mon Feb 07, 2005 7:02 pm
Wulie says...



It has been a long time since I have posted... a week or so :P! So erm yeah this maybe my last post for a looooong time.

She stole your heart,
She captured your devotion,
You entered the unsafe waters of hurt,
Your world open to unforeseen pain.

I struggled to speak as you walked away,
All I wanted was to save you,
But once again I became the girl looking in,
From the outside reality.

Seconds passed and the cracks began to grow,
Your hopes stacked up tall and strong,
The future written in first draft,
It was only you, who didn’t see,
You became the fool I always was,

My hands held out to catch your tear drops,
The jagged shards of your heart placed in my arms,
The Sharp edges of destruction slicing through my fragile cover.

But did you ever notice me?
Your arrogance covering your senses,
The hate for you ignored by my love,
Every night I dream of you,
Every day I would tell my self to stand up,
To tell you to let me go,
But everyday I succumb to your heart wrenching games.

The voice of an ever lasting hope,
Telling me not to give up,
My flame of life fading as the hours pass,
All the little things you say counted down in my subconscious memory.

What happened to the naive promises?
The childhood dreams we built our lives on?
The pacts of never letting love come between us?
So many questions I know I could never answer,
The life I live so different from what I ever dreamt.

All I ever wanted was to save you.
But now as I watch my tears cascade upon the cold hard stone,
I blame myself I loved you, but I never got to tell you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not one of my best bits to be fiar, but hell rip it apart!
Muchous love wu
'Sadistic lies we form like the web of a spider, the truth we hide like our flaws.'
  





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Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:30 pm
Sam says...



This reminds me of that song by Avril Laveigne...'She wants to go hooome but nobody's home, so there she lies-' sorry. :D Have to sing sometimes.

this was bit long, and it was all pretty cool, so if there was anything really wrong with it it would be diluted and ignored what with all the other good lines...it's kind of mediocre, generic, but that's OK. A so-so poem is ok everyonce in a while, even for you, Wu!
Graffiti is the most passionate form of literature there is.

- Demetri Martin
  





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Mon Feb 07, 2005 9:41 pm
hekategirl says...



Oh I love that song Sam!!
Anyway your poem, I really enjoyed reading it and it had great imagry.
It was a bit long, but that was O.K.
***Honorary 11-Year-Old***

Heh-COT-ee-GUR-el

Got YWS?
  





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137 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 137
Mon Feb 07, 2005 10:03 pm
Wulie says...



Hm not to sure if this is a complitment of not but thanks for the comments... I've never really done a long poem or in structure that I have here so I thought I would give it a wizz :)!
wu
'Sadistic lies we form like the web of a spider, the truth we hide like our flaws.'
  








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