Complete Disintegration

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 130
Reviews 288
My mind.
It crumbles.
Red seas.
Like sinking.
A dream.
Why marriage?
Faithful;
dishonest.

My heart.
Drained of blood.
Blue eyes.
Like crying.
A thought.
Who is there?
Contrast;
irony.

Your love.
Repeater.
Green grass.
Like nature.
A kiss.
What am I?
Malice;
nihilist.


Bedroom.
I'm shipwrecked.
Black threads.
Like ribbons.
A touch.
Where to go?
Complete;
fall apart.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 863
Reviews 4
Hey, I like how this flows. It definitely is connotation for sadness, loneliness, hurt, and "complete disintegration". Italicizing the third paragraph was a great idea, since its was a deviation from the "my" theme. If it was to add a stronger, distinct emotion to the piece, it worked as well.

This was depressingly good. Less words, but more meaning.

Great!
D.S

Reality is concrete.
Fantansy is abstract...
Dreams are trapped between.



I always knew that deep down in every human heart, there is mercy and generosity. No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
— Nelson Mandela, Long Walk to Freedom