Young Writers Society

I just wanna get by
but I have dreams higher than the sky
I feel I can be me
anything I want to be
but its everything 'round me
that seems to be sound against me.

Its an idea, I kinda like how its starting, but it doesn't sound right? What can I do?

Too much 'me.' You should use it to end just one line, and then think up other thinks. Also, if you're gonna do rhyming then you to change the scheme around. Right now it's:
A
A
B
B
B
B

Those last two B's need to be C's. By the way, I'm assuming that wink face is supposed to be 'be.'

But I do like the idea behind the poem; that the speaker is conflicted, that the speaker really just wants to get by but has dreams higher than the sky. Play that right, and you'll have a great poem.

I would say that it's starting off well. It of course needs more editing, and you'll add more substance to it as you write it, but right now it's already a good read.

I just wanna get by
but I have dreams higher than the sky
I feel I can be
anything I want to be
but everything 'round
seems to be sound
against dreams.

Does it sound better?

I like the concept behind this - I can definitely relate. The rhyme style isnt one I would have chosen (I'm prejudiced against certain styles, lol) but that's just me. As far as the second rendering goes, I would shorten the second line, maybe, and change one of the 'be' endings to something else that rhymes. And "'round" doesnt work for me, sorry, I dont know whether you might want to change it or what, its up to you. It falls a little flat at the end. Are you going to add more?
It has potential though, keep going. I'm looking forward to seeing what you make of it

Tears cascade down my upset face,
as I know I just want to live invisibly.
But everything around won't let that be
cause they all know; somewhere inside,I have dreams.

Trying to get by in a dreamless world is hard, you see.
Every night in the glowing moonlight around the room,
Maybe lookin cross the lake, flashing with colors of the rainbow,
Or watching a butterfly flutter away, why can't you dream?

But maybe its because my dreams are higher than that.
cause I know my dreams might be
my long awaited, seemingly denied, destiny.
I'll be brave for those that keep on saying not to give up.


Better? I decided a new style.

-that says it all!

Even the original ones said it all. The new one's just got more size and professionalism.