Young Writers Society

I don't think I put the right words in here to express what I feel... and nobody will know what I feel. So enjoy, comments greatly appreciated...

Fate
by Elizabeth Mathers

I slept into a dreamy reality
Destiny had her hand out to me and helped me reach up
And forever she stared long at me and whispered
“I am not Fate, I am Destiny.
In the end you will reach me
But Fate you must overcome.”
Before I could question the life beyond
She vanished with the wind

I awoke to a nightmare
As my parents were arguing
As the sirens blared outside
As one by one my friends left me

I felt pain like frozen raindrops
As I was running against the wind
Burning and cutting my naked skin
Would I have stopped to end the pain?
The pain would have grown worse
I faced the malevolent hue of my Fate
Her eyes dragging me down
I ran through her with my Hope
“My Destiny is to overcome you!
I am no longer afraid!
Hope will guide me past you
It is my Destiny!”

I awoke and I stare in a silent room
Surrounding me was the comfort of life
Surrounding me was my Destiny.

Finally a fate poem well done TBR

The Black Rose wrote:
I slept into a dreamy reality
Destiny had her hand out to me and helped me reach up
And forever she stared long at me and whispered
“I am not Fate, I am Destiny..

Very well written it sets the mood of your poem and again very nicely written But I think it should be written in a stanza of four lines.

The Black Rose wrote:In the end you will reach me
But Fate you must overcome.”
Before I could question the life beyond
She vanished with the wind

Again very well written but take the 4 line stanza route.

The Black Rose wrote:
I awoke to a nightmare
As my parents were arguing
As the sirens blared outside
As one by one my friends left me.

I felt pain like frozen raindrops
As I was running against the wind
Burning and cutting my naked skin
Would I have stopped to end the pain?

The pain would have grown worse
I faced the malevolent hue of my Fate
Her eyes dragging me down
I ran through her with my Hope.

“My Destiny is to overcome you!
I am no longer afraid!
Hope will guide me past you
It is my Destiny!”

I awoke and I stare in a silent room
Surrounding me was the comfort of life
Surrounding me was my Destiny.

This Is what I felt should it should go like but I dont know if it is all done correctly so...yeah very nicely done.

I really have nothing to say about this other than I really, really liked it. Wonderfully creative and well written. Excellent.

Writers block... take that *slaps* AND THAT *punches* and that and that and that *beats it up* AH-HA I ONCE AGAIN RULE THIS CRATIVITY LEVEL! *entering level -4* WOO HOO!

I can't believe it but I don't remember writing this... this was a very good poem from me apparently .
Stupid Bobobo-bobo-bobo it's very weird.... and distracting *falls into it and forgets to critique myself)

haha I thought this was really good, original subject, enjoyable to read and yet moving. Hmm if you cant remember writing it maybe your a sleep poet, rising from your nightly slumber to carve a world of beauty into stanzas.

You're so sweet! *huggles*

Maybe I am.... hmm...

I'm liking this very much - the seperation of 'fate' and 'destiny' was an excellent touch.

Would I have stopped to end the pain?
The pain would have grown worse

My only little nitpick - are you sure you want to start a line with the word you just used to finish the last one?

Maybe you did, I don't know overall, excellent stuff.

I couldn't think of anything else... hmm... thank you thouh!
Gesus loves me... lol...

Anyway I'll try and fix it... maybe a nice confusing and lovely metaphor or something.

I really liked it....hell, you right a LOT better than most just-turned-14 year olds I know!!!
oh yes. The elephant is back, my friend....lol

ummm.. well, this is awesome... i dont really have much to say that everyone else hasnt. usually, since i have the attention span of a kangaroo after drinking a frappucino, i ditch poems that long half way through, but this one was fast paced and got better as it went, it really held my attention, i wanted to keep reading...

OH, and it was cool how you capatilized the words like fate and destiny and all that good stuff. and this rocked. and im NOT just saying that for the huggles!! *shifty eyes* no no no really im not, i pwomise!!!