Pull the Trigger

Is life ever really that bad
that it needs to be taken?
Is life ever really too much
that it cannot go on?

The urge to never walk,
never laugh, breathe, or blink
ever again.
Can it be justified?

Tell me.
What goes through your head,
at the very moment before you leave?
Before you pull the trigger,
step off the table,
put the pedal to the metal.
What foolish thoughts are spinning
like a tornado in your mind?

Is there anything in life,
that is so bad it needs to end before its time?

Why did you do it…?

Is it because you are selfish?
Just think about all of the people you left behind.
We all loved you.
And now we are hurt and confused.

Or because of something someone said?
Did some insane person tell you,
the world didn’t need you?
That it would be better with you gone?

Maybe it came from a failure?
Loss of a family member or job?
Test results came back positive?

Or did you just want to be dead?

You have left your friends with more questions,
more concerns,
and more damage,
just because you left
and never told us why.

I hope it was worth it.

Spoiler

revised. It's tough to deal with the death of a friend, writing this kind of helped. Please help me with edits!!

i can feel th emotion of pain here, but i can tell you it's not selfishness.
sometimes we lose our senses in the middle of our yearning voices, it could be sickness. maybe a depression.
our faith who make us stronger, maybe he or she didn't find it yet........ pray for him or her!!!

i know it doesn't justified it. any way keep up!!!!!!

Sorry for your loss.

Jessa wrote:Is life ever really that bad
that it needs to be taken?
Is life ever really too much
that it can not go on? These questions should either be moved to then end, or split up (one at beginning, one at end) for a more dramatic effect.

The urge to never walk,
never move, never breathe, never blink -
Is it ever justified? The questioning is gimmicky. Express your uncertainty and troubled feelings somehow else.

I would like to know. This stanza sounds a little too lighthearted for the subject. Try to communicate your desperation for answers.
What goes through your head,
at the very moment before you leave?
Before you pull the trigger,
step off the table,
put the pedal to the metal,
what crazy thoughts are running through your head?

Is there anything in life,
that is so bad it needs to end before its time? Once again, the constant questions gets old. This stanza particularly feels like you didn't develop your ideas enough and just decided to insert a brainstorm question randomly.

Why do you do it?
Is it because you are selfish?
Or because of something someone said?
Maybe it came from a failure?
Or did you just want to be dead?

Too many questions! Haha, they drive me crazy! Don't take the easy way out. Constant questions don't take me any further as a reader, they just leave me more clueless at the end.

Spoiler

It's tough to deal with the death of a friend, writing this kind of helped. Please help me with edits!!

Hope I helped. Needs revision and further developed ideas. Go deep, and try to avoid questions.

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know that isn't much for comfort. I really respect you for writing this so soon and sharing with us. I just have a few little nitpicks.

The urge to never walk
never move, breathe, or blink.

I think "never move" is a little redundant. Maybe you could make it a little more personal. Did your friend dance, sing, laugh, etc.? Also, you need a comma after "walk."

what crazy thoughts are running through your head?

Personally, I wouldn't repeat "through your head." You might try saying it in a different way the second time.

Is it because you are selfish?

I didn't know your friend, but I don't think that suicidal people do it for selfish reasons. Many times, it's just the opposite. If they openly show their depression, they feel guilty about putting so much stress on the people around them that they might feel their family and friends would be happier without them. It's twisted logic, I know. Try not to blame your friend for anything.

Or did you just want to be dead?

For such a beautiful piece, I found this ending line to be a little weak. Something about it just doesn't hit me as hard as the rest of the stanza. I think "just want to be dead" is the phrase that bothers me. It don't dislike it, but I know you can make it more powerful. Maybe it's that lines two and four in the last stanza rhyme, but nothing else does. I like your free verse.

Again, this was a very moving poem. It was very well written in terms of emotion, structure, and grammar. It wasn't overly dramatic, and I appreciate that. You projected a very nice balance of anger, confusion, and anguish that pulled me in rather than pushed me away as many melodramatic things do. Wonderful writing!

P.S. In response to what Inkwell says about questions, I kind of like them. Normally, too many questions is really irritating, but in this case, I don't think your poem is about answers. You're expressing the pain of your loss, and I don't think you can portray your desire for answers without asking questions. As a reader, I don't want an explanation of the thoughts of a suicidal person. The poem is more easily approachable with the author's natural questions and guesses.
Best wishes,
-Sea-

Jessa, first of all, I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Now, these first comments have picked up on the grammar aspect of this, but, I will stick with the emotions behind it.

From my point of view, it sounded like you were trying to figure out exactly why she took her life, you were confused, and a bit angry. Especially in the line: "Why do you do it? Is it because you are selfish?"
It kind of took me by surprise. But, I realize that I have never been through any of this with a close friend before, and I'm sure my emotions would be just as wild too.
The truth is, we will never know what was running through her head, because we were not her. So, we can never ever understand until we walk in her shoes, and live her entire life. The one thing that you probably didn't mention in this poem is guilt. For me personally, guilt would be the number one thing I would feel, and although I know it wouldn't be my fault that she took her life, I would still feel like I had a responsibility. Every single person is different though, and there are completely different phases of grief that humans go through.

The poem is good because it picks up on the CONFUSING aspects of life. "Why this, why that?" And I believe that you were completely displaying your OWN emotions with us; you were not trying to become the person who took their life. You stuck with the person "looking on" at suicide as a whole.

Overall, death is a tricky subject to tackle and I think you did an excellent job of sharing with us your exact feelings on the topic of suicide.
Great job, and keep writing.

GAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. This put me over the edge and made me cry.

Why is everyone dying? In the past two weeks, I've had a distant friend, a friend of a friend, and a lady who goes to my dad's Bible Study die--and now this.

I like the questions. I have a lot myself, so they're not irritating to me, and they seem appropriate.

I don't think the questioning is gimmicky, either, and I think that stanza that's been pointed out is fine the way it is.

And I don't think the ending sentence is weak.

Overall, this had a calm feeling for me, somehow.

I understand how you feel in this poem, but I think you need to make it longer. I like the questions; they make a person think.

Everyone,

First of all, I’d like to thank you for your sympathy. It has been a rough couple of days. Also, thank you so much for your edits and comments. I just did a major revamp on it and tried to take all of your comments into consideration. The one thing I couldn't do was limit the amount of questions used. There needs to be questions because I don't know what happened and have this urge inside of me to ask her these things.

Please keep the edits and comments coming!
-Jessa

Never feel like you have to comply to our demands.

Looking forward to the revised version.

I like how you werent afraid to ask questions that you migh have never asked. Bcausr who really knows? Ive come VERY close to suicide, and I can tell you that usually it is we convince ourselves we are useless and not strong ejough to handle the strain. We expect ourselves to be perfect. The perfect friend. Child. Lover. Human being. And when we cannot meet our standards, we deteriate from the inside untill we are shells. Then wd dispose of the shell. I honestly love the poem. It is very personal, so if u dont want to change it, dont.

good poem. alot of emotion. someyimes i think it would be worth it

I read it. And I think you should make it longer. You see- I had a desirous feeling at the end where I simply wanted more. Also, your questions were moving; I think you should delve even deeper into their answers, because it'll help calm your grief and the reader's fascination.

Wow. I liked this poem alot. It really showed the pain you felt. Sorry :/ Very nice. Keep it up !

all I can say is, WOW!! it was so deep. The emotion was very deep felt and it was a good read too. Basically what I loved was the concept and depth of it.. Brilliant!!! Keep it up!!!:)

A lot can be rearranged but you conveyed clearly what you wanted to. It's good...