Pull the Trigger

Hey I'm really sorry for what happened. I hope your okay. I just wanted to say that this is a really sad and beautiful poem It has so much emotion in it. Please keep writing

Hello. ^_^ First of all, it's the title that made me click that link. XD Nice title.

Nitpicks:

Is life ever really that bad
that it needs to be taken?
Is life ever really too much
that it cannot go on?

- That's a really nice opening! ^_^

The urge to never walk
never laugh, breathe, or blink
ever again.

- Put a comma after 'walk'.

put the pedal to the metal,
what foolish thoughts are spinning,
like a tornado in your mind?

- Use a period instead of a comma after 'metal'.
- Remove the comma after 'spinning'.
- I think it'll work better if you separate these two sentences.

Is there anything in life,
that is so bad it needs to end before it’s time?
- Remove the comma after 'life'.

- Remove the apostropher in 'it's'. It should just be 'its' because it's possessive.

Is it because you are selfish?

- Ooh, I love the emphasis the italicization gave it.

Just think about all of the people you left behind,
we all loved you.

- End 'behind' with a period. It'll make more sense if these two fragments stand alone.

Did some insane person tell you,
The world didn’t need you?

- I think it's fine if you leave the 'T' in 'The' not capitalized.

Lose of a family member or job?

- Did you mean 'Loss'?

Test results come back positive?

- I think it'll be better if you stay in the past tense. Change 'come' to 'came'.

Or did you just want to be dead?

- Nice way of ending the 'italicized question series' with this one last question.


That's a really nice poem! (I gave you so many thumb ups now XD) It really deserves to be featured! Congratulations. I can feel the emotion in it too, and I love the wording. The imagery you put in it was enough too so I don't think you'll be having any problems with that. It's so sad about your friend though. I hope he/she rests in peace.

Anyway, I wasn't actually gonna read and review 'cause I've been too lazy to read lately but, I also thought that I haven't reviewed anything lately too. D: But your opening lines made me read it! Awesome job.

Never stop writing!

I loved it. The story is awesome but I have one thing to point out.

Lose of a family member or job?

- this should be loss for the past principle of the verb lose.

That's it! Great job!

Thanks for giving me more edits! I have made some more changes. Keep edits/comments coming!

<3 Jessa

Wow. That's all I can seem to say, I could really feel the depth behind the words in this story and it touched me along with many others I am sure. I truly hope most of your stories are this great.

Another thing I wanted to mention. You chose a great title for this. It grabbed LOTS of people's attention. You named it perfectly!

I can tell you why... It's because life seems to not be worth living anymore... Whenever you try to be positive and to try again, something or someone always brings you back down to nothing... You feel worthless and the things that go through your head are just thoughts of the fact that "Life Is Pointless" and that "It Would Just Be Easier If I Were Dead"... Some people can't deal with these thoughts, I know I have trouble sometimes, suicide is not seen as an easy way out, just as the only solution....

First of all, I am very very sorry about your friend.
Secondly, you transformed your grief and sadness into a literary work of art. The raw emotion and turmoil shines through with every line and although I cannot begin to empathise I can sympathise with the feelings of loss or grief. It's sad and beautiful and touches the reader with every question you ask.

Wow Jessa, this is amazing. I feel like I just lost a friend too.
I don't agree with those of you who want less questions. I understand that questions are all you have left.
Here are the things I would change:
"Before you pull the trigger, step off the table,put the pedal to the metal.What foolish thoughts are spinninglike a tornado in your mind?" I would change this to "Before you pull the trigger, step off the table,push down the pedal.What thoughts are spinning like a tornado in your mind?"
Also, "Or did you just want to be dead?" doesn't fit. I don't think anybody just wants to be dead for no reason.
Lastly, the line "I hope it was worth it" sounds bitter to me. Is that your intention? If not, you may want to change this to "I truly hope it was worth it" or something like that.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Sage

Sorry for the loss Keep strong!

You wrote a very good poem, keep it up! I liked the questions and as others have said, that could be hard questions to ask even after the event. I think it's hard to write about losses and sadness, but then when we get to, we don't miss anything out of it. You wrote very well and the message came across perfectly to me!

This piece.. I really understood it. I feel a lot like this. That taking a life, whether it be your own or someone else's, is just a way of saying you're afraid to go on. I've thought about.. 'Pulling the Trigger' before and thinking about the things you've mentioned here, such as being selfish, is anything ever that bad, etc. made me realize it wasn't worth it. So, that being said, I really like this piece and am glad I got to read it. Good job!

Thanks for the nice comments everyone! I appreciate it that you took the time to read my poem!

Pokemonbragirl -
Yikes! I am so happy you read this poem if it made you realize it isn't worth it!! I hope you never feel this way ever again, and if you do...PLEASEEE find someone to talk to.

Thanks for the post,
<3 Jessa

Wow. I'm not even going to try and read this through again and find fault. It was amazing. Thank you for writing this, and God bless you! This poem was excellent.

All I cam say is WOW! I could feel all of your emotions and frustration and confusion coming through the writing. It is somwthing that one can relate to because it happens to alot of people. Overall, I loved thi spiece of writing and I hope u will keep writing.

Hi, I think this was so beautiful. I could feel the saddness and the hurt that this must have inspired. I think the wording was brilliant.

Spoiler

But, the only thing was I thought it should flow more. Run through like your paccing because of the questions

Keep writing-good luck

JJxVoodo