Where I'm From

Where I'm From

I’m from rain and green nail polish
Headphones and semicolons,
Paperbacks and T-shirts,
Crinkled notebooks

I’m from crosses, bells and choirs,
Two parents and two brothers,
Piano keys and hymnals,
Joyful mornings

I’m from guilty tears and secrets,
And hidden skepticism,
Faith refined through fire,
Conflicting voices

I’m from spinal curvature and glasses,
Parties and pointless laughter,
Quirks and jerky movements,
Awkward moments

I’m from daydreams, quiet corners,
And left-off conversations,
The two left feet of introversion,
And fourteen years' disorientation

I like the last bit. Honestly i've seen too many 'where i'm from' poems to really enjoy it.
So 3/10 for creativity.

8/10 word choice.

8/10 voice.

6/10 fluency

Hey Hawkie! I haven't seen you around in a while!

Well first off I can't even begin to think of how many where I am from poems I've read/reviewed, most of them named Where I am From xD. So you can imagine that they get a little old after a while. Although unlike most of them you didn't put "I am from" at the beginning of every single line.

One thing though, in the beginning your subjects aren't at all related, then as the poem goes on each stanza has sort of a theme, and it kind of bugged me that the first one didn't.

So yeah that's about it!

~Hope

I'd have to disagree with KatTrain on that one - I have not seen any 'where I'm from' poems, ever! So...I wondered if we were going to bring up the same old cliches of where the narrator was from, or if we were going to get something a little more exciting than the usual. What I'm going to say below can be summed up here: there was an interesting juxtaposition of word choice and images, but the effect wore off VERY quickly because of the repetition and the lack of thought to further srtucturing.

I’m from rain and green nail polish
Headphones and semicolons,
Paperbacks and T-shirts,
Crinkled notebooks

First line was reasonably captivating - rain and green nail polish - such a visceral and vivid image to put in front. And the tone was decidedly conversational, so little pretentiousness there. It sounds genuine and still mysterious and quirky. I didn't like 'headphones' but you redeemed it with 'semicolons' that threw me off. The next couple of lines were just...meh. Not a big fan. Plus, after about the second line, the novelty of 'Hey, look! This is where I come from!!!' had worn off, and was sounding more like a list than a poem.

I’m from crosses, bells and choirs,
Two parents and two brothers,
Piano keys and hymnals,
Joyful mornings

I’m from guilty tears and secrets,
And hidden skepticism,
Faith refined through fire,
Conflicting voices

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that the second stanza was about the happy times - music, hoyful mornings and whatnot - and the third was about getting through the bad. That, coupled with the lack of interesting imagery and word choice, and the continued repetition, was what made it uninteresting - it's not a new idea (that life has its highs and lows), and nor was the old idea presented in a new way. I would have liked to have seen a completely new idea here, as opposed to a recycled old one.

I’m from spinal curvature and glasses,
Parties and pointless laughter,
Quirks and jerky movements,
Awkward moments

I’m from daydreams, quiet corners,
And left-off conversations,
The two left feet of introversion,
And fourteen years' disorientation

I liked 'spinal curvature and glasses' - it was perhaps the only interesting bit there - and it's quirky and bizarre. But you totally killed it with the 'quirks and jerky movements' which SPELLED IT OUT for us - and 'awkward moments' was unecessary and unenlightening. I liked 'daydreams' mixed with 'quiet corners' and 'left-off conversations' - as if you're coming from these, like a forgotten thread of though. The last two lines had little impact - 'two left feet of introversion' was mixed upinappropriately with 'fourteen years' disorientation.'

So...overall, I think the poem could have been much more powerful than what I saw here. There were some great images, but I'd recomment scrapping the 'I'm from' repetition of lists of things for something a lot more creatice than that.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Hey Hawkie!

First of all, nice images! I loved the specific images that you used... it helped formed a concrete image in my mind, which is always good! Now, one thing that you can this seemed more like you were listing things. I think it would have been better if you had concentrated on one important thing in particular and explained why you are from that. That way, the poem would seem less scattered. And besides, you're a good description writer. I would like to see more of that.

Happy editing!