Hello! The poem is a bit confusing to me, but don't worry, I still like it! The rythm kind of turns on and off, but most of my poems are like that. I like your poetic language, repitition and puntuation; like the retorical questions and dot dot dots. Maybe you could've used semi-colons at some point instead of commas. remember you don't have to take my comments, it's fine as it is! I hope I helped ~Tamara
Someone told me there's a girl out there, with love in her eyes and flowers, in her hair.
In general, I found it quite scary... Perhaps not in a good way. This whole poem had a very evil vibe to it, and it made me feel uncomfortable.
The imagery used is brilliant. It's all very poetic, and you've used a lot of varied punctuation. I think, for me, the actual content is what drags it down.
Also, 'It's true that "Jesus" cannot save' - get rid of it. End of. You've got to be careful when mentioning things to do with religion, because there is a chance you will offend someone. Here you've declared someone else's beliefs as false. That's not the idea of poetry.
An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming. — Unknown
