Hello! The poem is a bit confusing to me, but don't worry, I still like it! The rythm kind of turns on and off, but most of my poems are like that. I like your poetic language, repitition and puntuation; like the retorical questions and dot dot dots. Maybe you could've used semi-colons at some point instead of commas. remember you don't have to take my comments, it's fine as it is! I hope I helped ~Tamara
Someone told me there's a girl out there, with love in her eyes and flowers, in her hair.
In general, I found it quite scary... Perhaps not in a good way. This whole poem had a very evil vibe to it, and it made me feel uncomfortable.
The imagery used is brilliant. It's all very poetic, and you've used a lot of varied punctuation. I think, for me, the actual content is what drags it down.
Also, 'It's true that "Jesus" cannot save' - get rid of it. End of. You've got to be careful when mentioning things to do with religion, because there is a chance you will offend someone. Here you've declared someone else's beliefs as false. That's not the idea of poetry.
