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I say I hate you,

Writing for love is a pas · 2008-04-05T22:17:33Z

When I say I hate you, I'm acting big and tough. Inside my feelings are alive, Jumbled up with stuff. Your emotion is biting me to pieces, the words you say are so bland. Inside me I need you, I need to re-group for my new plan. If I'm too skinny for you, get over it. If I'm too chubby for you, get a brain. Once again you find another girl, and leave me without an umbrella in the rain. My clothes are soaked with unhappiness, my salty tears blend in with my face. The wetness goes into my core. I see you, walking towards my house. Standing in the doorway, you look like a mouse. As I sprent your way, but you slam the door in my face. Your smirky expression adores me, Your sneaky ways are my life. But Baby Boy why can't you see, I want to be your wife. So when I say I hate you, Know that that's not right, I know you sole is a black hole, dark and ugly. So it's not the same, as pure and lovely. I've figured out that I'm not that girl anymore. You're still the one I adore. You have got to-got to-got to realize, I need you in my life.

Ringo_rules987

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Points 890

Reviews 61

Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:36 pm

Ringo_rules987 says... · Sun Jun 01, 2008 4:36 pm

The emotion was great, but the way you constructed it wasn't great. All the rhymes were just too forced. Just work on weaving stanzas together and you'll be great.

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Writing for love is a pas

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 115

Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:43 pm

Writing for love is a pas says... · Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:43 pm

Okay, thanks everyone, but this piece wasn't really going to go any where from the start. It was just a quickie, you know?

No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~

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