Young Writers Society

"What do you want?"
You keep on asking
And I keep trying to find the answer

What do I want?
Well what's safe for me?
What will keep people from getting angry?
What does everyone else want?
What will keep me away from ridicule?
That's what I keep asking
But I don't like the answers I find

What's safe for me, holds me back
What keeps people from getting angry, feels like a lie
What everyone else wants, leaves me empty
What keeps me from ridicule, keeps me on the sidelines
So I'm still asking
Wanting different answers...

Wanting...

I guess I found ONE thing I want...

And what was that one thing you found that you like? *duh duh dunnn*

I like the basic IDEA of the poem, but you don't really seemed to have grasped it. Like, you have the outline for it, driven by a little bit of inspiration, but you don't know how to deliver the message, you know what I mean?

The second stanza is all questions, which can be OK if you really work with it. But mostly, we just go into Reader Overload, which is kind of a bad thing. [taking a lesson from my good friend Firestarter] Sometimes, being vague and making us think is a good thing, but like I said, it seems like you got the main point but you didn't know how to put it on paper. (how many times can I say that before you kick me? lol)

So, what I'm trying to get at is that this poem really has potential, you just need to really work and play with it a bit. If you know what I'm saying.

This was good though, I didn't perticually love it, it was a bit weak. As sam said I like the basic idea but it just wasn't powerful enough..