Young Writers Society

How lucky would you feel if you had a girl
Who saw your beauty when it wasn't there
Who laughed on your jokes when others wouldn't have cared
Who used to hide to call you and remained steadfast against taunts to bear
Who used to calm you with a kiss when you got flared
Who used to collect you with a smile when you went teared
Who used to provide shadow when the sun shone a glare
Who used to laugh off when the world tried to make an affair
Who used to give you hopes in ways that just seemed rare
Who used to pat your shoulder and gave you a go when the world just warned you to beware
Who used to give away everything and then give you the right to have it shared
Such a girl is in my life who I crave like air
Whom I'd kiss in a fare
And won't care even if the Whole World stared
Because then it would only feel to her that over the world
I didn't had the courage to take it as a dare
Your too much for me
How was it before that I left you spared.

Grammar and spelling wise, I see nothing wrong. I loved the topic you chose, and you wrote it very clearly, very well.
I just have one pet peeve that I see in a lot of poetry writers, and that is the lack of commas in their works.
I do it sometimes to, but it really bugs me beacuse then now matter how good the work is, to me it looks very sloppy.
So, find some stopping points, places to end your sentance so that there's three or four rather than just one run on sentance. Put commas at the end of every line leading up to the end of a sentance, and it will look neater and more professional.

Hope this helps!

Thank You..

I, personally, as a poet, do not bother with grammar and 'proper spacing'. That's a load of mish mosh that takes away from the artistic being of the poetry, when it strikes with such personality and flare just as it is, grammar unneeded!
The only things that I despise are awkwardly worded stanzas/lines, which there were a few here. I suggest you take to shortening or splitting into separate lines for those longer lines you've got. Other than that, a fantastic topic of choice and a lovely poem. Keep writing!

Your poem is really interesting and cool. I love it! I especially like these bits:

Who saw your beauty when it wasn't there
Who laughed on your jokes when others wouldn't have cared
Who used to hide to call you and remained steadfast against taunts to bear
Who used to calm you with a kiss when you got flared
Who used to collect you with a smile when you went teared
Who used to provide shadow when the sun shone a glare
Who used to laugh off when the world tried to make an affair
Who used to give you hopes in ways that just seemed rare
Who used to pat your shoulder and gave you a go when the world just warned you to beware
Who used to give away everything and then give you the right to have it shared

Which is the body of your poem, so that's good!

The ending sounds a little odd and out of place but the meaning is still understandable and your poem is still amazing. Nice work!


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Heellooooo out there! Let me introduce myself, I'm Al, and I like giving Quick Critiques!

Concept & Theme:
Yup, there are a lot of lucky boys out there. And what I most like about the concept of your poem is the small memory trinkets that I'm sure every girl must have, when they come to that certain stage of course. I also like that your verses showed happy memories when you're telling it sadly. It was a great idea to write this, girl.

Technicalities:
Generally, your verses packs a lot of meaning and idea, but I think they're too long that it made it literal. As poets, we should try our bests to try to make our poems as creative and "illiteral" as possible. So try to check-up on that. Also, check this out:

And won't care even if the Whole World stared

You don't need to capitalize Whole World.

I didn't had the courage to take it as a dare

It should be 'didn't have'. Be careful with your tenses!

Who used to pat your shoulder and gave you a go when the world just warned you to beware

You could divide this verse into two y'know!

Who used to provide shadow when the sun shone a glare

Glare is a very technical word, try to change it.
Those are the only things I found in your poem that confused a bit. Good work on grammar and spelling!

Content:
I simply love the way you poured out your words! Each line was a memory of sweet wishes, just try to make them less literal next time. These are my favorite verses:

How lucky would you feel if you had a girl
Who saw your beauty when it wasn't there

Very emotional there!

Overall:
Great work! You just need some brushing up and you're there! Bear this in mind though: the greatest opinion for a work of art is your OWN opinion. We're just here to put second ones. Or third. Or fourth. Or fifth. Or (number)th.

Your Quick Critic,
Al

Hmmm.. Thanks..According to ur smil-o-meter... Im on a good position..