Young Writers Society

SkyeDreamer wrote:Day 1
I’m sorry I’m not good enough,
But really, I thought I did try. ("I thought I tried" would be better)
I don’t know why you act this way,
Why you must make me want to cry. (Far too wordy)

Just when I think I’ve done it right,
You turn it around to the left. (Doesn't make sense - what's the left - what is the importance of it?)
And when I go to try again,
You just make me feel so bereft. (Bereft of what?)

I don’t know why I feel this way,
But I’ll try again tomorrow.
I just hope later on tonight
I won’t have dreams full of sorrow.

Day 2
Today was like a fairytale, (Why would the day feel like a fairytale if the speaker is being scorned and humiliated?)
A book that leaves me so confused.
I tried to tell you how I feel,
But you just scorn and act amused.

Why is my life filled with problems?
I ask, why is my life this way?
My last one must have been sinful
For me to have this price to pay! (I like this stanza)

I thought today was a story;
It turns out I was very right.
What I forgot to mention is,
There’s no happy ending in sight.

Day 3
Well, here we go again, Dearest.
I hope today I’ll do some good.
If there was something I could change,
I hope you know I truly would.

I might never make you happy
But I don’t want to make you mad.
Whether or not you will notice,
I’ll work to earn love and be glad. (I would try to re-word this)

All I want is to feel your love,
But it seems to me since he died, (Since he died? You shouldn't include stuff like this without a later follow up to explain)
You have no use for girls like me.
For your care I’ll search far and wide.

Day 4
Could it be that you see the truth,
The daughter I want you to see?
But there it goes, that flash of love;
I should have known you still hate me.

I know you miss him. I do too. (Again, who is he? You should elaborate)
I miss our relationship more.
The life I want to see as real
Just leaves behind an open sore.

Why does it have to be this way?
I’ll just have to get used to it.
Until the day you love me true,
I’ll wish and work, then wait and sit.

Day 5
Ah, there it is, from years ago.
A dash of the past rushes by.
The reason why you hate me so
Is not my fault, yet makes me cry!

I found the photos way up high,
Far out of my chubby arm’s reach.
You wish I were good like he was;
Why won’t you practice what you preach?

I can’t even remember him,
Nor the times that you cared for me.
That must have been so long ago,
Mem’ries impossible to see.

Day 6
Today I make my young child’s vow
Not to give in to you again.
Maybe soon we’ll love each other;
I only wish I could know when.

You lie and cheat, then lie some more
And all because so long ago
You lost someone you loved so much,
Someone I barely got to know.

It’s not my fault; I know that’s true,
And one day you’re going to learn.
You can’t change the past- please love me
Or the tables might someday turn.

Day 7
Diary, I don’t want to cry
But no one cares for my love.
In my dreams I can float away,
Even be carefree like a dove.

Of course things will be better soon.
I just keep repeating that phrase.
But no matter how much I do,
I can’t seem to earn any praise.

I guess it’s time to rest, dear friend,
And dream about my future life.
Will the next few years bring me joy,
Goodness, and days not full of strife?

Spoiler! :

Yes, it's about a young girl who feels unloved. No, it's not about me or anyone I know, just in case anyone thought that... It's still my first draft and not even finished yet, but I thought I'd see what people had to say first. Thanks.

You just make me feel so bereft.

Well, here we go again, Dearest.

I’ll work to earn love and be glad.

I’ll just have to get used to it.

But no one cares for my love.

But no matter how much I do,I can’t seem to earn any praise.