Ok whoa, this really needs to be toned down a little to be effective. Good writing doesn't need blatantly melodramatic images to be creepy or insightful. Most if this just comes off as a bit silly because of the overly vivid imagery. There are a few phrases that are poweful without crossing into melodrama like 'choking every deception from your tongue' and 'your existence
begins to fray around the edges, you find it hard to speak'. But then there are also some cringe-worthly lines like 'You cried out in that godforsaken myriad of realities.'
Anyway, in my opinion the last stanza as a whole was not melodramatic but unfortunately it was kind of bland. It's a fine line. I don't usually give detailed critiques because I end up sounding like a bitch but there you go...my best advice is to just stop trying so hard.
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Points: 5890
Reviews: 85