Young Writers Society

This is simply beautiful. I really, really like how you've structured it to sort of look like the waterfall. The imagery and metaphors are perfect. One nitpick though~

mithrim96 wrote:I flow freely yet am channeled.

I give life to creatures yet take it from stone.

If you could somehow make these two lines rhyme or replace the period with a semicolon, I think it would flow better. Like how you did this:

mithrim96 wrote:I sometimes trickle like a sweet stream,

I sometimes crash like a sea storm.

mithrim96 wrote:Lose me, need me, hate me,

Love me, ignore me, stick with me…

But do they know me?

Do I know me?

My thoughts rush away again on another wave.


I am a waterfall.

This is just... amazing.
Overall, I absolutely love this poem. Keep writing!

Thank-you shloka19! You don't know how good that makes me feel that you said that. Thank-you! This being my first post I am glad I got feedback so quickly, wow. I'll look over it and see if I know how to change what you pointed out for me. Your comment helps, thanks again!

You've written this beautifully! It's so soft and gentle, but the words are very powerful. I loved it from the beginning words.
Shloka19 has already pointed out the only issues.
The only thing I would watch is to ensure the flow is maintained throughout the entire poem. You've done this quite well for the most part, there are just one or two places where you slip up.

Good job on the whole, though! I look forward to seeing more of your work!

NightWriter x

I remember sitting in class listening to this and thinking, is it possible to have your best friend as your idle? Well, I have come to the conclusion that it is, because I want it to be possible... Anyway, back to the point, you never cease to amaze me I mean this poem is vehemently (just learnt this word hope I used it right) AMAZING!!!
But I have some bad news, after seeing you early this morning I've come to the conclusion that you are not a waterfall, you are a person. A waterfall wouldn't have been smart enough to write this because although waterfalls are beautiful, they have no brain. (Please ignore my arrogance and petty jokes)
I look forward to seeing more work (as always.)
Another thing: I can't say that I know myself, but you are full of surprises although I feel that I somewhat know you (you seem a little depressed that no one knows you in this poem).
It's a shame that I can't do as good a review you did for me, but one advantage is that I GET MORE POINTS! 'evil laughs'
Loved your metaphor's, the way you exploit your words you choose is very coherent (Great work!) The images you give are just extraordinary, I mean you've thought of everything! Love your poem.
Congratulations on the great reviews, from Em.

Heya! Love this poem
blue: spelling error.
red: delete this. (usually means it's unnecessary)
green: awkward wording
purple: i loved this section!
pink: too blunt or in need of further description/imagery/explanation

mithrim96 wrote:I am a waterfall.


I flow freely yet am channeled.

I give life to creatures yet take it from banks in canals. << (you might want to make this into two lines instead, it might flow better)

My song is peaceful though some would disagree. << (beg to differ might be a better phrase than disagree)

My water is sometimes clear and cool, other times brown and murky.

I sometimes trickle like a sweet stream,

I sometimes crash like a sea storm.

I am alone, yet surrounded.

I am strong when I am falling; I am weak when I am healing.

The water is me, but am I really water?

My questions stand still and unheard in the buzzing air.

People talk with me, hurt me, care for me,

Lose me, need me, hate me,

Love me, ignore me, stick with me…

But do they know me?

Do I know me?

My thoughts rush away again on another wave.


I am a waterfall.

The ending was terrific! It's just those first few lines that could use some work Keep writing!