Young Writers Society

Of all the poems I’ve sat and written
About you, my feelings, and my confusion
This is the last one, I swear
I’ve realised it’s over

Took me a while to notice
Don’t you think?
I must be really stupid, and blind
To have only just seen

How long have you hated me?
Can you answer that?
Since when? And why?
What made you change your mind?

I knew we had something special
Well, thought anyway
Maybe it was just special for me
Perhaps you didn’t feel it

Yes. That’s it. It’s me
It was my fault, all of it
You never asked me to be “obsessed”
Never told me we were in love

It was just me, being me
And you hate me for it
Everyone always does
I certainly do

Do you realise the pain you caused me?
Or are you too busy making a fuss?
Look! You’re the drama queen
I’m just the blame-magnet

All your friends, and mine too
Say “Just leave it” to me
Because of course, it’s me that starts it
Of course, it’s me that can’t forget

I’m the one giving me evils every look
I’m the one making rude remarks
Every time I try to speak
I’m the one blanking me when I reply

Why can’t you, and they, all see
It’s you, not me
I just want to back to the beginning
I want to start again

You want nothing to do with me
So I’m not even bothering
I’m done letting you get me down
Down enough to take my life

I’ll no longer raise the knife
Compass, needle, or sharp object
I’ll no longer cry desperate tears
The obsession’s over

This is the last poem I’m writing
About what I thought we had
My love, my confusion, my hatred
I’m giving up. Not giving in.

I didn't really start liking the poem until the end... and the poll... it really ruined the message.

I liked the whole thing, and the vibe I got from it. And I voted on your poll, but after reading the poem I changed my mind to stop obsessing and get over him. good luck with that

I thought this was pretty good. Not that poeti, but good.
here's some crit.

Of all the poems I’ve sat and written
About you, my feelings, and my confusion
This is the last one, I swear
I’ve realised it’s over

This was a good beginning. sucks you in

Took me a while to notice
Don’t you think?
I must be really stupid, and blind
To have only just seen

How long have you hated me?
Can you answer that?
Since when? And why?
What made you change your mind?

The first stanza was good but I don't think you need the 'really' before stupid and blind. It takes out the effect in my opinion. 'I must be stupid, blind' sounds more effective in my mind. Second stanza was good as well, but how about breaking up the third line into two lines. It ends up sounding a little strange in two questions. Perhaps, 'How long has it been?' and 'Why do you hate me' would be good (however, you might want to reword the why one so you do not repeat hate.)

I knew we had something special
Well, thought anyway
Maybe it was just special for me
Perhaps you didn’t feel it

This sounds more like you're rambling than writing a poem. The maybe and perhaps don't help either. Try using more firm lines. For instance,

I knew we had something special
I thought so anyway
But it seems it was but special for me
You didn't feel this way

Yes. That’s it. It’s me
It was my fault, all of it
You never asked me to be “obsessed”
Never told me we were in love

This seems like a repeat of the next stanza.

It was just me, being me
And you hate me for it
Everyone always does
I certainly do

I liked this stanza, but I didn't like the line, 'Everyone always does'.

Do you realise the pain you caused me?
Or are you too busy making a fuss?
Look! You’re the drama queen
I’m just the blame-magnet

Awesome stanza! You expressed your feelings very well! I like the metaphor of the 'blame-magnet'

All your friends, and mine too
Say “Just leave it” to me
Because of course, it’s me that starts it
Of course, it’s me that can’t forget

Firstly, it should be 'it is I' instead of 'it is me'. I didn't like the second line that much. It sounds like it's supposed to say 'Just leave it to me' but I know it is meant to say what it says. You might want to reword that line.

I’m the one giving me evils every look
I’m the one making rude remarks
Every time I try to speak
I’m the one blanking me when I reply

Clever and good

Why can’t you, and they, all see
It’s you, not me
I just want to back to the beginning
I want to start again

I didn't particularly like the 2nd line, but the stanza was good

You want nothing to do with me
So I’m not even bothering
I’m done letting you get me down
Down enough to take my life

Pretty good, a little dull though

I’ll no longer raise the knife
Compass, needle, or sharp object
I’ll no longer cry desperate tears
The obsession’s over

Great job on that stanza

This is the last poem I’m writing
About what I thought we had
My love, my confusion, my hatred
I’m giving up. Not giving in.

I love your ending!!! Awesome!

This was a good poem, but it could use some work
Keep writing

The fact that it's about a relationship makes it uber cliche. I understand that this is a true to life situation, but...yeah. I must admit though, the emotion was really good and DID relate.

However, no need in chasing a guy trying to make him like you. I've been there too many times...I wasted 3 years on 1 guy. Please don't make that mistake.

Well, here goes nothin'...

In the second stanza:

Took me a while to notice
Don’t you think?
I must be really stupid, and blind
To have only just seen

I would have to say that it needs to start with It took instead of Took.

The sixth stanza:

It was just me, being me
And you hate me for it
Everyone always does
I certainly do

It seems a bit difficult to follow in the sense that "Everyone always does" is almost random.

In the ninth stanza:

I’m the one giving me evils every look
I’m the one making rude remarks
Every time I try to speak
I’m the one blanking me when I reply

"I'm the one giving me evils every look" is difficult to understand. Maybe it's just me, but I'm not so sure that the line makes sense. That, and the poem hits a bump there causing it to stop for a second or two.

In the tenth stanza:

Why can’t you, and they, all see
It’s you, not me
I just want to back to the beginning
I want to start again

I think it should be "I just want to go back to the beginning.

In stanza twelve (said because I can't put a -th after twelve):

I’ll no longer raise the knife
Compass, needle, or sharp object
I’ll no longer cry desperate tears
The obsession’s over

The line "Compass, needle, or sharp object" needs to be replaced all together. Another one of those speed bumps or filler that's meant to only be temperary.

In all, the body of the poem is great. Keep the chassi, but do a little touch up work on it. It'll be perfect.:thumb:

L8R,
DT

Yes erm..... "I just want to back to the beginning" is meant to have a go in it -- type fault.

And "Compass, needle, or sharp object" is the lamest line I've ever written.... even lamer than "Like tap usage during a shower". I need to get round to working on this.