Just The Way I Like It

I like my poems with random verse.
It cannot sound much worse
than to hear those stupid fools
with all their myriad rules.
Trying to make me write with "skill"
and me, I think I've had my fill
of their critiques, their nonsense words.
I think I may have actually preferred
them not to mark my things at all,
but rather, they've all had the gall
to tell me how to live my life.
I'd rather cut, with razor knife
my very soul, than to make my image fit
what they themselves will never admit
has no personality, no style, no class.
On their ideas, I'd rather pass.
But for those, who'd like to speak
for my reviews, it's you I'd seek,
to not judge the Way, but rather the Why.
Who'd rather live, and rather try
than to follow rules so blindly.
So please, very kindly,
dont touch my stories, or my visions,
and let me make my own decisions.
Come sit a spell, and weave your tale
just to let you know, im not for sale
my work is always my own
If you've nothing worth saying, leave it alone.
Come, and sit for a spell,
the others to hell.
I'd love to hear your voice
but i'm afraid I've got no choice.
So goodbye, my unknown audience
never forget to listen, in the silence
for the miracles that work in the dark
and light those brilliant sparks.
Of ideas, and dreams, never crushed
and masterpieces never rushed.

God wrote:I like my poems with random verse

Interesting declaration, considering that this poem is anything but random verse. I'll asume you're being deliberately facetious.

It cannot sound much worse
than to hear those stupid fools
with all their myriad rules
Trying to make me write with "skill"
and me, I think I've had my fill
of their critiques, their nonsense words
I think I may have actually preferred

The rhyme scheme is disjointed; in the previous lines, you had linear rhymes and then you give us "words" and "preferred", which are not rhymes. Even if you're doing this to make a point, it doesn't work because you don't do it again in the rest of the poem. Make it rhyme or drop the entire rhyme scheme.

them not to mark my things at all
but rather, they've all had the gall
to tell me how to live my life

Nobody's telling you how to live your life, nor have you implied it anywhere so far. Don't throw out subsets of ideas to us if we haven't even been introduced to the idea itself yet.

I'd rather cut, with razor knife
my very soul, than to make my image fit
what they themselves will never admit
has no personality, no style, no class
on their ideas, I'd rather pass

Again, you have a disconnect, but this time it is one of voice. The talk about razors, cutting, and the attacks on how something has no personality and style are very abrasive and passionate. That is not a bad thing, but at the end, you just...limply deflate all of that passion by using passive words like "rather" and "pass". Keep the emotion going strongly or loosen it bit by bit, not in such an anticlimactic scene as you have done.

But for those, who'd like to speak
for my reviews, it's you I'd seek
to not judge the Way, but rather the Why

Good wordplay.

who'd rather live, and rather try
than to follow rules so blindly
so please, very kindly
dont touch my stories, or my visions
and let me make my own decisions

The fact that you're asking people not to touch your stories seems like you are very protective of them. Saying something like that is very strong and leaves the reader wondering what kind of critique you want, exactly - one that doesn't touch your stories? That doesn't seem like a good critique.

come sit a spell, and weave your tale
just to let you know, im not for sale
my work is always my own
if you've nothing worth saying, leave it alone
come, and sit for a spell
the other's to hell
I'd love to hear your voice
but im afraid I've got no choice
so goodbye, my unknown audience
never forget to listen, in the silence
for the miracles that work in the dark
and light those brilliant sparks
of ideas, and dreams, never crushed
and masterpieces never rushed

There isn't much line-by-line critiquing I can do of this section, as it is significantly better than the first half of the poem. The voice switches from hard, realistic and almost conversational tone to a cloudy, 18th century romantic one that I found appealing. I couldn't understand why you would use repetition sporadically but it didn't sound bad, so you might as well keep it.

In general, a strong poem. Good job.

Aww. Galerius already critiqued so there's no point me even trying. Darnit.

But I can say that I don't really agree with the concept. I mean, I used to, but if you won't accept other people's honest opinion then what the hell are you doing here? I get the feeling of Oh-My-Gosh-giving-a-critique-is-different-from-making-me-cry-you-upyourownarse-fool feeling because I've had it too, but you can't expect everyone to love your poems. Doesn't work like that. And you contradict your point by writing a very orthodox poem.

But I agree that people don't seem to really get that there is more than one style of poem. It pees me off, too.
xxxx

Thanks all for reading this, but again, I think some of you may have assumed it had more meaning than It actually did, this was just a casual poem I jotted down, and the point is not that I expect everyone to like my work, the point is that I dont care whether they like it or not. I'd like to hear their opinions, but only if they have something to say worth saying, that hasnt already been said about ALL of my work.
I really need to pay more attention, I just read the second half of your critique Galerius, it was much more interesting,

just for information "words" and "preffered" are what I believe is called an imperfect rhyme.

dont assume anything about my pomes, please, this one was written in retaliation to everyone always critiqueing my work in the exact same way, and none of their critiques (or I should say few) ever say anything helpful. on a rare occasion I get one that actually has a good suggestion, and I will take the suggestion, but at least half of them say "I dont know, I don't like the way this was written, it lacks this or need this or has too much of whatever" or "I dont know why but hit s poem is wrong, can't tell you how to fix it though"

useless.

and it IS random verse thank you, the poem rhymes for the most part, but I didnt say the rhyme sceme, I said the verse. It has disjointed flow at times, or imperfect rhymes, whatever, thats how I like to write.

Now we all know that this poem was very pointed, lets not make a habit of my critiqueing my critiquers, shall we?

Wow! I can't believe that! That is an amazing point of your opinion. It is unusual that I read things like these. Although I like my stanzas, I like your free verse theory. wow That rhymed. HAHA. I hope you continue to write like this and I will try to review more of your work. I am often picky about what I read. ahaha. Keep it up!!!

I feel I should also make a point of something else, when you commented that no-one had told me how to live my life, you did not take into account that my writing is my life.

my writing is my life, the pencil, is an appendage, the paper, my blood, the notebook, my soul.

If you understand what I mean, this will make the poem much more personal to me. and it is.

wow. that was really good. usually, when I read poetry, it's only because I started it and make myself finish it. only occasionally do I actually enjoy the whole thing. but your's was awesome. it totally got your point across to me! lol

Hi God!

Normally, I would point out little things like punctuation and spelling errors first. Then, I would give you an overall impression of the piece.
However, with this piece I just find that I simply can't. Everything in this poem expresses your emotions so clearly, and I can understand exactly what you mean. I don't think I could bear to be nit-picky about this poem, I love it so much.

I apologize for this absolutely worthless critique. Trust me, I'm not normally this nice.
Now I have to go review your other stuff so I can find something to bash (just kidding!)


*anti-pop

EDIT:

I feel I should also make a point of something else, when you commented that no-one had told me how to live my life, you did not take into account that my writing is my life.

I hope you don't mind if I frame this and hang it on my wall?

For some reason, your poem made me think of Terry Pratchett.I really dig these sort of poems because I enjoy just good old fashioned rhymes.

But for those, who'd like to speak

for my reviews, it's you I'd seek

to not judge the Way, but rather the Why

who'd rather live, and rather try

than to follow rules so blindly

so please, very kindly

dont touch my stories, or my visions

and let me make my own decisions.

This is my favorite bit.

Love, hate, happiness: these are all abstract concepts. Many, maybe all, poems are, deep down, about emotions and other abstractions, but it's hard to build a strong poem using only abstractions - it's just not interesting. The key, then, is to replace or enhance abstractions with concrete images, things that you can appreciate with your senses: a rose, a shark, or a crackling fire, for example. The concept of the objective correlative may be useful. An objective correlative is an object, several objects, or a series of events (all concrete things) that evoke the emotion or idea of the poem.

Really powerful poetry not only uses concrete images; it also describes them vividly. Show your readers and listeners what you're talking about--help them to experience the imagery of the poem. Put in some "sensory" handles. These are words that describe the things that you hear, see, taste, touch, and smell, so that the reader can identify with their own experience. Give some examples rather than purely mental/intellectual descriptions. For example: "He made a loud sound" versus "He made a loud sound like a hippo eating 100 stale pecan pies with metal teeth".

Save your most powerful message or insight for the end of your poem. The last line is to a poem what a punch line is to a joke--something that evokes an emotional response. Give the reader something to think about, something to dwell on after reading your poem. Resist the urge to explain it; let the reader become engaged with the poem in developing an understanding of your experience or message.

Use poetic devices to enhance your poem's beauty and meaning. The most well known poetic device is rhyme. Rhyme can add suspense to your lines, enhance your meaning, or make the poem more cohesive. It can also make it prettier. Don't overuse rhyme. It's a crime. In fact you don't have to use rhyme at all. Other poetic devices include meter, metaphor, assonance, alliteration, and repetition. If you don't know what these are, you may want to look in a poetry book or search the internet. Poetic devices can make a poem or, if they bring too much attention to themselves, they can ruin it.

Good Luck!

~ Hayley

the other's to hell

Should be "others" since it's not possessive.

yeah, you tell em' God!!!!

I really enjoyed this poem, because I could see where you were coming from

and where you were going...

the poem itself isn't an open rebellion it's just the statement of Gods opposition to

commanding reviews. God doesn't like be told that he some how did something "wrong"

I know that everyone is entiteled to their opinion.

I mean, a lot of reviewers just talk about what parts of the poem do or don't fit.

most poets write out of simple expression

they really don't try to cut corners in order to be "correct"

unless the writer of a poem says that they have written a specific type of poem,

all readers should see it as the basic freeverse poem and stick to actually READING and understand what the writer is trying to say...

unless the writer request the anylization of their work, it shouldn't be made so primary to reviews...

many may disagree with me on this , but that's my current outlook on it all.

thank you, thank you, especially all of you who seem quite lost here, it's okay, we are all lost in the woods,
I like it that way, and I am feeling particularly euphorius right now,

and yes Pop, go ahead and frame it, I would.

you are quite right, it is just a free-verse, and well, was ratherly rebellious, but hell, thats just me,

thank you all, and a very merry christmas!
I think...

or not

Peace,
God

Faery007 wrote:Love, hate, happiness: these are all abstract concepts. Many, maybe all, poems are, deep down, about emotions and other abstractions, but it's hard to build a strong poem using only abstractions - it's just not interesting. The key, then, is to replace or enhance abstractions with concrete images, things that you can appreciate with your senses: a rose, a shark, or a crackling fire, for example. The concept of the objective correlative may be useful. An objective correlative is an object, several objects, or a series of events (all concrete things) that evoke the emotion or idea of the poem.

Really powerful poetry not only uses concrete images; it also describes them vividly. Show your readers and listeners what you're talking about--help them to experience the imagery of the poem. Put in some "sensory" handles. These are words that describe the things that you hear, see, taste, touch, and smell, so that the reader can identify with their own experience. Give some examples rather than purely mental/intellectual descriptions. For example: "He made a loud sound" versus "He made a loud sound like a hippo eating 100 stale pecan pies with metal teeth".

Save your most powerful message or insight for the end of your poem. The last line is to a poem what a punch line is to a joke--something that evokes an emotional response. Give the reader something to think about, something to dwell on after reading your poem. Resist the urge to explain it; let the reader become engaged with the poem in developing an understanding of your experience or message.

Use poetic devices to enhance your poem's beauty and meaning. The most well known poetic device is rhyme. Rhyme can add suspense to your lines, enhance your meaning, or make the poem more cohesive. It can also make it prettier. Don't overuse rhyme. It's a crime. In fact you don't have to use rhyme at all. Other poetic devices include meter, metaphor, assonance, alliteration, and repetition. If you don't know what these are, you may want to look in a poetry book or search the internet. Poetic devices can make a poem or, if they bring too much attention to themselves, they can ruin it.

Good Luck!

~ Hayley

is this copied off some kind of "how to write poetry" site or something?


ANyway nice poem! The rhyme was great, it didn't seem forced like some can, and i like how you used enjambment to keep the rhythm right.

Interesting themes too, though I do think criticism can be good.

God wrote:I think I may have actually preferred
them not to mark my things at all
but rather, they've all had the gall
to tell me how to live my life
I'd rather cut, with razor knife
my very soul, than to make my image fit
what they themselves will never admit
has no personality, no style, no class
on their ideas, I'd rather pass

Wow. I really enjoyed your poem - much more than I had expected to when starting it - but these lines cemented why I did. It's concise and biting, intense emotion like the edge of a blade - if one will forgive the rather obvious train of thought behind the analogy.

Wonderful job. I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your work! :]