To Wolfe

2 posts
User avatar
leftnoa
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 3
Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:38 am
leftnoa says... · Mon Oct 06, 2008 12:38 am
Bach is bright but
you are brighter
leafing through history
in the wrong way.

Your eyes are nice
when left unrubbed and
there are no drugs a
perfect "o" in the middle,
like the end of dynamo.

Buzzing in my pocket,
on my nightstand,
on my couch,
on my pillow,
in my hand,
please don't call again tonight.
Quote




User avatar
adriangarcia
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 80
Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:52 pm
adriangarcia says... · Wed Oct 08, 2008 7:52 pm
Bach is bright but
you are brighter
leafing through history
in the wrong way.

<"leafing ... way" confused me>

Your eyes are nice
when left unrubbed and
there are no drugs a
perfect "o" in the middle,
like the end of dynamo.

<"like ... dynamo" can be eliminated>

Buzzing in my pocket,
on my nightstand,
on my couch,
on my pillow,
in my hand,
please don't call again tonight.

<Sweet ending>

Ultimately, this is a sentimental poem. I like it though. I do suggest both eliminating and elaborating! This has a lot of potential!

EDIT, EDIT, EDIT


Adrian
Quote

2 posts


I think the best thing about making it into the quote generator is when nobody tells you, so one day you're just scrolling and voila, some phenomenally inane thing that crawled out of your dying synapses and immediately regretted being born the second it made contact with the air has been archived for all time. Or worse, a remark of only average inanity. Never tell me when you've put me in the generator. Pride-tinged regret just doesn't taste the same without the spice of surprise.
— SirenCymbaline