To Wolfe

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 3
Bach is bright but
you are brighter
leafing through history
in the wrong way.

Your eyes are nice
when left unrubbed and
there are no drugs a
perfect "o" in the middle,
like the end of dynamo.

Buzzing in my pocket,
on my nightstand,
on my couch,
on my pillow,
in my hand,
please don't call again tonight.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1040
Reviews 80
Bach is bright but
you are brighter
leafing through history
in the wrong way.

<"leafing ... way" confused me>

Your eyes are nice
when left unrubbed and
there are no drugs a
perfect "o" in the middle,
like the end of dynamo.

<"like ... dynamo" can be eliminated>

Buzzing in my pocket,
on my nightstand,
on my couch,
on my pillow,
in my hand,
please don't call again tonight.

<Sweet ending>

Ultimately, this is a sentimental poem. I like it though. I do suggest both eliminating and elaborating! This has a lot of potential!

EDIT, EDIT, EDIT


Adrian



The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong.
— Anonymous