Young Writers Society

It’s-a me, Gengar, back at it again with another discussion topic that randomly popped up in my head!

When I’m reading over my rough drafts of my stories (or just my old stories), I often catch some very badly worded and very funny sentences. Here’s just a few of them:

With an evil smirk, he smirked.

The thoughts circled my head like a pack of starving sharks

She could feel anger boiling inside her like a lava lake on a hot summer’s day

(I actually kept this one in the final story)

So tell me, YWSers, what’s the best worst line you’ve written?

Love the first one -- the great thing about these types of lines is that they would actually work just fine in a parody / spoof story!

Here's some of mine from shorts I've published on YWS:

I folded the glove and placed it on the squat square top of my garden fence.

^ I don't know why I felt the need to say "squat square" here, but I did, and I kept it in the final story.

I saw you, sir, marching down the pavement with your briefcase in hand, the tie waving from the inside of your pocket.

^ I don't know why the tie is waving . . . it's not meant to be sentient xD

I think the most cringe-worthy line I've ever written was something like "There was a thunderous silence between them." It was definitely one of those moments where I was like "yikes, maybe I should just scrap this story!"

These are excerpts from a story in my notebook. It is a story I have decided not to continue, and you will see why.

A shiny, silver needle with a sharp edge, yet blunt in reality.

I think what I was trying to say here was that the needle looked sharp from afar, but it's blunt when you look closer. Or vice-versa. Anyway, I didn't carry it out very well. There was also no purpose for this sentence to exist in context.

The kidnapper had taken my babysitter's wallet, so we could not buy a room in a hotel. So my babysitter looked around and saw a fashion store that had a sign that said, "we provide homes." So my babysitter went inside and told the store to take care of me for the rest of my life.

...Let's just say that the plot of that story was not so good.

I don't have a last name because my babysitter forgot what it was.

I just realized that the babysitter in this story really sucks.

Hold up
I don’t even remember making this thread

You were possessed when you made it obviously. Ghosts possessing other ghosts, totally normal.

GengarIsBestBoy wrote:
Hold up
I don’t even remember making this thread

This is hilarious, and it literally describes most of the things I do on a day to day basis.


My best worst lines include:

“Far beyond the sea, beyond the land, through the forest and up in outer’s hand, far beyond the planets, far beyond the stars, through the galaxies and through the scars, waiting for their chance, all locked up tight, waiting for just a glance, they shall find, what everyone is searching for, aligned the stars meet!, among the planets and stars, one planet remains, still searching for the lost souls of Katars.”

I made up "Katars" because I couldn't find a rhyme for stars.

"'Hello, my name is Lyra. What's yours?'
'Uh, hello there, I'm Jeffery.'
'Well, would you like to know something kind of cool? Well, actually, it's very cool, but…'
'What is it then? What do you want to say? I'm a busy man you know.'
'Oh, ok. Well, uh… I know a type of technology from the future. Do you want to know what it is?'
'I knew this was a waste of time. I'm sorry, but I really must be going…'

The funny thing about this is that a character in the story was actually writing this for a school report. I don't know why she made the man so busy if she was trying to tell him something...

My feet landed at the bottom with such force that I was sure my legs were broken. I couldn’t breathe. Then I realized I was under water. I slowly swam up, which was hard as I was sure my legs were sprained, if not broken.

Mine's crazy.

In Wonderful

loveissourgrapes wrote:After eating we have some fun with the Christmas tree. The pretty red, gold, and silver balls crystals on the Christmas tree as they dangle. The star up the tree shines brighter than expected. Sam wears his boots and runs excitedly in the cold breeze outside as Mom and Dad watch us under the mistletoe and I run in the snow.

I think I should have made it more descriptive and longer.

In gasoline killed me

loveissourgrapes wrote:The next day

In a hospital

'Cause of gas

I wished I have thought of something here and make the flow better but I think of anything else.

@LuminescentArt

Speaking of being possessed…

This was no manmade horroronly be the work of a demon.

I found this while proofreading something

The worst ones:

and it ALL gles down the port a potty.

and then Billy Bob dragged weston in the Broom closet, and while he was still im a trance from the pudding poison, he got plungered to death.

This is from a story me and my friend wrote, about Billy BOB, the baddest kid in school.. another line from there:

the janitor raced to principal butz, and showed them the body. Principle butz yelled, "we need a detective!" While Billy BOB cackleled and did that thing with the fingers in a dark corner.

I kid you ot. That was the principal's actual name (NOT MY IDEA)

Oh my oh my. You're not ready for this. Let me tell you, in like seventh grade, I wrote this 50-page (discontinued) novel and wrote on it literally all the time. Was there a clear plot? No. Were there thousands of plot holes, even with no clear conflict? Yes. Did I share this story with ten other people so they could read it? Yes.
Update: I'm reading through it right now to find a good quote and I actually want to burn my laptop, it's so bad.

My day went as usual for the rest of the day, no other student-stampedes, either. I went from class to class, then to my locker, to another class, lunch, more classes, and we finally got to go home.

Help what even is this?

The wave of middle schoolers finally passed, and I finally had the chance to get my book. I sneaked into the middle school, and headed to my locker. I wound through the halls, and had to take the short-cut because I never went the way I started towards.

This actually makes no sense?

I found the bed was made with a pile of fresh clothes on the bed.

Ah, yes, the bed was so important that I had to mention it twice.

Trust me, these are some of the tame ones. I would publish the entire thing in this thread if I could.
The worst part is that, like, ten people that I wasn't even that close with have all seen this. I'm not in contact of half of them anymore. Send help.

the robot went "krrrrrrrrsh"

no context
very early draft of fate undone