Young Writers Society

Ok, I don't know if there is a thread for this already, and if there is I'm sorry, but I need help with this. i have six chapters of my current story, Let Me Love You, up, and I have the same problem with each chapter. I tell and don't show. I do know the difference, but I just can't seem to get it incorpurated into my story.

please help.

-tiffany

Gary wrapped his strong arms around her, and rested his head on her shoulder. Isabella was so comfortable she hadn’t noticed how dark it had gotten, but Gary did. He got up and stretched his long lean body upward. Gary smiled as he went to tickle her. Isabella jumped up, and they chased each other back to the cabin.

I'll try. Here's an example:

This is telling: It was cold.

You see, that is just telling us that it was cold outside, you need to show us it was cold. Was it snowing, could the MC see their breath? So, showing would be this:

The air was bitter cold, biting at my cheeks. Powdery snow covered the pavement, making me slip occasionally. Clouds of breath dispelled from my lips. (Not the best example)

Do you see what I mean? In the second example you can really see the picture, you get an image.

I hope that kind of helped.

Have you posted anything in the review forums yet? It's kinda hard to help without meeting your writing style in person.

~Annie

Yes i have in romantic fiction I have posted 6 chapters of a story Ill put a passage of one in the beginning of this thread

Showing -vs- Telling: An Article in the Knowledge Base

Take a look at that first of all, and also at Colleen's example. One thing to keep in mine, however, is that telling isn't *always* bad. Many novels out there have to use telling to get across a certain idea that they can't really show the reader-- for example, explaining something that happened in the past that they can't/don't want to write a whole scene for.

The important thing to remember is that, in showing, you're giving your readers some depth with your descriptions. Anyone can go out and say, "Her voice was quiet when she explained things to me." But it takes some more thought and experience to say, "She leaned in towards me, brushing her lips against my ear as she whispered. Her inflections rose and fell with her emotions, creating a roller-coaster of words. I tried to capture her voice and never let her melody go."

...yeah, and that's a really bad example, but still. xD Showing is mainly about giving your readers more to work with than just the basic facts. Showing is adding emotion, feeling, and heightening every sense so that your MC is hyper-aware of the scene around them instead of just rattling off what's going on.

Hope that helped?

Thank you very much