Young Writers Society

So, a couple weeks ago, I wrote a song that I hope to perform in the close future with a band I'm forming. The song, I hope, will be a breath of fresh air in radio, a gritty yet melodic number that mercilessly bashes lazy mainstream pop, from lifeless easy listening to misogynistic rap and all that in between. Also in the second verse is a brief mocking of the media's glamorization of alcohol, and in general the whole thing is about the madness that results from being ignored, condescended to, and not being taken seriously. The chorus cries for substance, and the narrator themselves is a very displeased individual. An underlying story I've hidden in it is that the main protagonist is cripplingly depressed teenager who wants help from his parents, but they largely neglect him by forcing him to just "listen to pretty songs" and basically put on a smiley face without actually making a plan with him to get him out of this dark place. The problem with this is... I'm worried it sounds too "emo." I don't want this to be a whiny, fake diatribe. I don't want this to be exactly what the song is mocking. I'll put the lyrics below. Please give me some advice. Thank you.


Senseless Hormonies (Are You Having Fun Yet?)
Mashed teeth and applesauce
Efforts to cool the tongue
Are you having fun yet?
Are you having fun yet?
I feel my best when I am numb
Please treat me like I'm dumb
Are you having fun yet?
Are you having fun yet!
Turn on the radio and find a pretty song
Cause that's what all the people really want
Are you having fun yet!
Are you having fun yet!
And kids, gather 'round, for a silly song
And we can laugh and dance and play along
Are you having fun yet!
Are you having fun yet!

For Halloween I went
And dressed like a cool kid
Clothes didn't fit me well
But I felt I felt liked I liked it
And I thought it might be cool
To try cool kid stuff
Like drink myself to death
While thinkin I was being tough
But then you just found me a pretty song
So all those ugly thoughts could be magically gone
Are you having fun yet!
Are you having fun yet!
And we can dance to a pretty song
And lie to ourselves that nothing's wrong
Are you having fun yet!
Are you having fun yet!

Please tell me what you think about the subject matter...