I'm writing a historical fiction novel about the Newsies Strike of 1899, so obviously most of my main characters have thick New York accents and none of them use good grammar. But is the dialogue too difficult to understand? This is a monologue where the main male character, Spot Conlon is confessing to my protagonist that he likes her. I was trying to go for nervous rambling.
I flinched away from him as he took a long, dragging breath. Finally, he answered. “Well, ta be honest; yea, a little. But I’se more angry at Mush. It don’t seem loike you’se had much choice in kissin him. An you’se been stayin away from him.” There was a beat and I watched as he flushed and kept right on talking, his voice taking on a rambling quality. “Not dat I'se would get in ya way if ya loike Mush. You’se ain’t me goil, an I'se don’t control ya. You’se don’t seem loike da type of goil who would let herself be controlled. An I’m not sayin dat you’se gotta choose between us or anyt’in. You’se could be Blink’s goil if ya wanted ta. An I’se not sayin dat I should be in ya moind or anyt’in.” He caught himself rambling and clamped his mouth shut, rubbing at his eyes as if he had a headache. Finally, he finished what he was saying. “I guess what I’se tryin ta say is; I loikes ya, Kay.”
Oh goodness, I think my eyes are bleeding from all the red and green lines that show up on Microsoft Word.
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